We open with a montage of triumphs that previous seasons' contestants have achieved and I don't recognize any of these people because I only started watching this show a few weeks ago. Apparently one guy has run a marathon since he was on the show, a couple has gotten engaged, and another guy had a hit country record. It's a good thing it's country music because he could still be successful if he gets fat again. The pop world is not so forgiving.

Oh, NBC. I know you're struggling right now and you've even sunk so low as to give Jay Leno a primetime weeknight talk show so you can stop trying to program anything creative in the 10 pm hour, so I get that you want to get the most mileage out of The Biggest Loser, one of your few successes. But two hours of show for what included MAYBE half an hour of new content? That's just sad. And now I have to find a way to stretch that half hour to meet my minimum word requirement, and that's making me cranky. It's a good thing you saw fit to pick up Life for a full season or I'd be kicking your network to the curb after this show's finale airs next week.

Alison repeats what we learned last week: the final five are headed to NYC for a makeover, then she adds that they'll appear on the Tyra Banks Show in all their made-over glory. She also congratulates them on making it so far and says they're closer to the $250,000 prize. That's all they get? That's even cheaper than the Big Brother prize. Although, TBL contestants also come away with greater health and self-esteem whereas the majority of BB houseguests leave with humilation, shame and, in some cases, an STD, so I guess it all evens out in the end.

Hey y'all, I'm Annie and I'll be recapping the rest of this season because Christine's husband decided he wanted to see her once in a while. I have to confess that I'd never watched a single episode of this show before last week, when I agreed to take over the recapping, so please be patient with me if I get some things mixed up. I will do my best to not let y'all down, especially since this song's theme is the awesome "Proud" by Heather Small, which always makes me think of my beloved Queer As Folk. Wouldn't Michael, Ben, Emmett and Ted make excellent, fun weight loss coaches? Brian, alas, would just laugh and repeatedly call you a fatty and Justin would whine about how bored he is.

Coleen was shocked that Amy C. picked Brady over Michelle at elimination - going against her blue teammates. Amy C. said she made the decision she did because she was thinking only about herself. Brady was the second biggest loser behind her and she wanted to win. Michelle reassured Amy that she made the right decision (of course she did.) Ed said Amy made an instant enemy in awful Vicky. He said "Vicky's crazy - she'll claw your frikkin' eyes out." Vicky thinks her team is now "screwed." She tells us her team should be "frolicking in the garden of Eden, but that stupid backstabbing bitch bit the apple....that's just how I feel personally." (no, really, Vicky - let us know how you really feel.) I'm surprised that the producers made such a horrible villain out of someone we should be rooting for (I've never rooted against anyone on this show - until now.) Heba just wants to stay above the line, she doesn't want to get involved in all of the politics. Vicky put a homemade "motivational poster" on her wall that said "Revenge" (and had the inspirational message, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'll rip your f-in' head off." Welll, it wasn't that explicit, but the sentiment sure was there.) She wants to watch her calories and work her butt off. She was even hitting the gym hours before her teammates.  

The gals on the black team were still upset that Phil was gone and told their counterparts on the blue team about what a tough time they were having dealing with his loss. The blue team couldn't care less. Coleen was pissed off that they were celebrating, especially the odious Vicky. Michelle isn't surprised that the blue team has resorted to being tacky because...well...they are tacky. She added that she would be happy to see them all go. Vicky said Phil was a "weasel" and would have been a "horrible role model for America" if he had won the whole shebang (like she's a better representative!) Bob reiterates that Vicky is the biggest game player in the history of the show and that her fellow team members were merely her puppets. Jillian said her team didn't have time to be upset about losing Phil because they were outnumbered by the blue team. Michelle still thinks her team is "a force to be reckoned with." 

I have a question for anyone watching this show - when they cut to Allison in the show's opening credits (after we witness poor Jerry tumble off the treadmill for the umpteenth time), is it just me, or does she look slightly constipated? Sorry, back to the show. Phil thinks his wife's elimination last week may have had something to do with him. He feels "isolated" because he's not sure where he stands and isn't sure who he can trust.

Amy C. knew that by the way the black team was avoiding her gaze as they came back after eliminations meant that her mom Shellay had been sent home. She said that with her mom, a little piece of her had left campus as well. She added that she wasn't even the one who wanted to come on the show in the first place. She's determined to make it to the end for herself - and her mom too. Jillian greets the remaining members of her team and, after her previous run-ins with Shellay, didn't seem that upset to see her go. Coleen said it was tough to lose Shellay but they felt confident that they could stay in the game because they still had a man on their team and would be able to keep up at the weigh-ins. Jillian said she wanted more "competitveness" from her team, but not "craziness." Renee says she'll push herself to the very end. Coleen's going for her dreams and Phil says he'll work hard and help his team win - even if it meant sending his wife Amy home. He said it's not going to be easy. But it never is on this show.

Poor Heba woke up in an empty bed after sending her hubby Ed home last week. She says she's wasn't prepared to be without him and sees an "exhausting week" ahead of her. The gang meet up with Allison and are immediately confronted by mountains of glazed doughnuts, cupcakes and bagels - among many bad-for-you (but damned tasty) baked goods and treats. Allison said that today's temptation challenge was all about control - and one person is about to win control that will change the game permanently. The winner chooses the new teams - blue versus black. The family pairs will be done tonight. The gang gets ten minutes alone with the treats and the person who consumes the most calories wins the team-picking duties (they also get to choose trainers.) Oh, and there's yet another twist. The players will all be completely in the dark (literally, not figuratively, as they were before they came on campus. Get it?) This. Is. Major.

After last night's blow-up, Amy C. was pissed that she was exiled from the gym by Jillian. Jillian told Bob how disappointed she was in her team and didn't appreciate Amy C.'s "smirking." Bob agreed that there was nothing funny about this competition. Amy cooled off and came back into the gym, a decision that Jillian respected. She did tell Amy that she needed to be more serious about working out. Well, that was totally anti-climactic, wasn't it? I was so hoping to see Jillian competely lose her s**t for once! Poor Coleen looks like she's working out for both she and her eliminated dad Jerry (the man who is doomed to a life in the public eye centered around falling off of a treadmill.) Coleen said that just because she's partner-less doesn't mean she's not going to kick ass.