Previously - The seasons were reduced to bad haircuts. Daniel had to ride his pink horse & buggy back to Dallas. Dee was a neurotic shrimpy lesbian, Nicole was a metza/metza shrimpy elf queen, and Charlie just plain sucks. And not even well. And this is it. Feel the relief.

I'm still pissed that Charlie has that beefy linebacker body that I love. It irritates me to no end. Maybe if he had some sort of vocal cord removal procedure and scowl wipe. Rene's here. What, Rene? I can't understand you. Jaclyn, translate. You can't either? Damn.

Previously - Gay wolf Paulo was sent packing. Everyone's family showed up to get transformed. Jaclyn Smith inspired a tiny girl to emulate her hair style. Jaclyn likes that.

We're down to Daniel in some lime green glasses and a Peter Pan collar (is he wearing Sandy Duncan's eye?), stank Charlie, Venice gondola driver Dee, and elfin misery Nicole. Four left! Jaclyn's personal stylist Jose Eber is here! Oh my god, this bitch is so 80s glamour! He's got one of those Aspen cowboy hats on and he should be wearing a fur coat, but that would cover the ponytail. Jose Eber is tremendous and totally makes me wish Valerie Bertinelli, Shelly Long, and Nicolette Sheridan were here for some reason.

Previously - The stylists worked on dogs. Nekisa's ass finally got bounced. Charlie is still the worst thing to come out of gay hell since...ok, he's the worst thing to come out of gay hell.

LA.. Home of the pit of hell known as the Shear Genius Nexus Salon. Dee made the wall. We get the same tired quotes from the stylists. The guy responsible for Sanjaya's pony faux hawk is here, and he's a tank of a man.

Previously - Jaclyn Smith was SADLY disappointed by her Angels. And Charlie and Nekisa don't get along. He's a bully and she's a bad hairdresser. Oh, and somehow Nekisa keeps hanging on. I still don't get it. I've prayed, turned to the Bible, read tea leaves. Nothing.

Morning in Lost Angeles. The stylists enter the Nexus hair salon. Jaclyn revisits her disappointment from the last challenge. The Allure wall of fame is empty this week, and Daniel feels that his ass is now on fire to be better. That was not his first time with a fiery ass, I can assure you.

Previously - Bald women's wigs were transformed into moments of transcendent joy.

Sorry that this recap is so late, but Kate Jackson teaming up with Kate Jackson again sent me to a plane of existence that is almost indescribable. I need a poet. Does anyone know a poet?

The stylists arrive. Nicole must have been BOOZIN' last night because she's packed her bags and put them right under eyes. Jaclyn Smith is standing with Worm Lips. It's the Color Challenge! Well, Meredith's gone so there's no worries about Bozo Red.

Previously - The stylists had to teach. It didn't go so well. I wouldn't be signing up for their courses, let's put it that way.

LA! The beach! Nicole is wandering about looking pixie-ish. There are flip-flops to be had. Nicole inserts her slender digits into the bucket and picks the ones bearing #3. She lets the others know about them.

Everyone comes upstairs and talks at once. Nicole misses Meredith. Charlie has on a racing scarf. She admits she doesn't feel bad for Meredith. Evil little elf. Everyone flees to the beach. Jaclyn has set up a salon on the beach. Charlie says it's so fun to be in the sun, and it's totally overcast so he needs to get those Coke bottles recycled.

Previously - Stylists dealt with way too much hair, and then supposedly crafted red carpet caliber coiffs, but I didn't see it.

Time for more gross hairstyling. Ooh, Charlie's wearing a form-fitting sweater! With horizontal stripes! Brave weeble! A friend of mine recently told me that he likes Charlie because he's out for himself and speaks his mind. We have since ended our friendship.

Nekisa is annoyed that Charlie won immunity again. She thought that you couldn't get it twice. You would think someone going on tv in a reality competition would learn the rules so they wouldn't look like a total bim. But her focus appears to be make-up and being "the hot one." Keep in mind what her competition is. Several busted queens, a pocket dyke and two haggard blondes.

Jaclyn introduces Roy Teeluck, who is the creative director of Nexus. Let's just say that Roy put all HIS focus towards haircare products and not visiting the dentist. Cuz, DAMN. Someone's chiclets are visiting Browntown.  Roy is here to be a guest judge. The shortluck challenge is musical clients. The stylists have to trade clients through a certain time period.I would quit right there. Who has the time to keep up with that mess AND listen to Charlie's clown voice?

Previously - Oshun dried up, and told Jaclyn that this whole thing was bullshit, man! Kim Vo freaked me right the eff out with his wormy lips and odd porcelain doll face. And I think I hate Charlie. No, really, bitch wore a 1/4 hoodie last week and is a total know-it-all who actually seems to know nothing. And I have no clue what Rene Fries is saying.

Oh, the prizes. They get $100,000 from Nexus and the opportunity to style hair for an Allure magazine photoshoot. Wow. That's it? These people have to cut hair and touch other people's scalps. A couple of years back, people were winning a million for answering trivia questions. Bravo is low-rent.

Hallo! And welcome to our recap of Shear Genius! Never has there been so much hair bitchery in one place! Prepare yourself for flat iron duels, shampoo girl catfights, and the gorgeous Jacklyn Smith! It's Season 2 and it's on now!

All of the contestants this year have some coiffs that symbolize emotional difficulties, and there's a man named "Oshun". This is love.

I feel like this awesome show just began, and yet it's already time for the season finale. Hopefully next time Bravo will give the fans some more instead of a measly 8 competition episodes and 1 reunion show. Rene got things rolling by giving us a quick rundown on how each of the 3 finalists have fared so far in the competition. Nothing terribly new or groundbreaking, but he did note that in 6 of the past 7 elimination challenges, Daisy has been in the top 3. How did I not realize this?! I still think the final 3 should have been Anthony, Tabatha, and Tyson, but I guess Daisy really did earn her spot.

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