Someone had to say it... 

Well, it's fitting that my last post for Recapist happens to be one for my favorite show. So, anyway, the sun again rises on the caravan of disease. It's Taya's week to state that it's time to step up her game. All of the girls really want Brittaney gone, especially after her racist rant against Natasha the night before. Natural Born Ashley noted that she stayed in the appropriately-named Alien Invasion room because "aliens need to abduct her fat ass and bring her to somewhere else because we don’t want her". Well put.

It's a nice day for a weave wedding... Gee, VH-1 isn't even bothering to give these episodes punny names - so I'll give it a go. Let's call this one "Do you take this skank?" Yeah, that sounds about right. After Gia's elimination last week (sent home for serving drinks from her most private of places), Farrah says she has learned a valuable lesson, "do not show your va-jay-jay in public." Jane Krakowski look-a-like and animal trainer Megan knows she needs to "step it up" but conversely says she doesn't think she should have to chase Bret around to get his attention. She believes that he should come and talk to her. Nice knowing you, Megan. Marcia decides to defect to the blue bus because she can't stand being around "Natural Born" Ashley for another second.

I have no words...(VH-1)

It’s a pleasure to return from my winter recapping hibernation to bring you "Rock of Love 3", a/k/a "Rock of Love Bus", because nothing compliments an extended post-New Year’s Eve hangover more than a pack of skanks vying for the affections of a post-glory days hair metal rocker. Sunday night’s premiere was a beautiful end to a beautiful block of VH-1 Celebreality, which included seeing Sharon Osbourne put former "Rock of Love" contestant Megan in her place on the Charm School reunion (if you didn’t see it, click here to view the beat-down in all its glory) and revisiting one of my biggest teenage crushes, Christopher Atkins, on "Confessions of a Teen Idol" (if Chris did a dating show, I’d so be there.) But I digress. Skanks ahoy!

Well, I'm sorry to say that this is the last we'll see of Daisy, Destiney, Angelique and the skanks of "Rock of Love 2". It's the reunion and time to see if Bret has found love the second time around. Riki Rachtman is back to host and introduced all of the lovely ladies, except for our big winner, Ambre - of course. Now we meet the man who's made this all possible, "rock and roll icon" (Riki's words, not mine - I hardly think Bret's an icon) Bret Michaels - sporting his trademark cowboy hat 'n' wig combo. Riki asked Bret about the "SNL" parody and Bret said he loved it - and it was "pretty accurate." Riki then asked Peyton her thoughts. She said she was "freaked out" at first and claimed she never said "face time!"

Well, we've gone from 20 skanks down to 2. Tonight we find out the special lady Bret has chosen to spend some time with him - until "Rock of Love 3", of course. Bret is taking duck lips Daisy and soccer Mom Ambre off to Cancun to help him make his decision. The gals pack up their gear and the trio hop on a private jet and wing their way south of the border. Bret's excited because he the VH-1 producers has planned lots of fun stuff for them. The group arrives at the hotel and are greeted by a Mayan dance troupe. Oh, and booze. The girls go into their suite and get a bunch of presents from the show's sponsors Bret. The ladies meet Bret for dinner. He needs to dig deep and find out which one was the woman for him. Bret has a bunch of questions about "stuff...and life." Daisy pulls out a list of questions - and a pencil - for the dinner. Ambre is surprised that Daisy can even read the words on the paper. Daisy wants to know if she and Bret have more than just a physical connection. Bret tells her that she's still a bit of a mystery to him and he needs to know her on a more "cerebral" level. Good luck with that, Bret. Ambre points out that Daisy uses her feminine wiles and sexuality to get to Bret. Ambre wants to know what Bret thinks about their relationship. Bret says sometime he feels that she wants to win. She grabs him and tries to distract him with a kiss. He wonders if this is just a big competition for Ambre to win. Daisy imples that Bret isn't the typical guy that Ambre dates. Ambre says that yes, he wasn't the usual type but he's exactly what she's been looking for. Bret has the most difficult decision of his life. The next day Bret is going on an "amazing" date with Ambre. The next day he's going on an "insanely amazing" date with Daisy - who's upset that she won't see Bret for a whole day. Bret has a lot to mull over and excuses himself.

It's mere days from the finale, and it's time for the mandatory clip show, remembering all of the snaks that have gone before finalists Ambre and Daisy. Bret says he's been through a lot in his career, but nothing like what he's gone through for the past 11 weeks. He says, "it's been fiery...it's been smokin' hot." I think there's an ointment for that, Bret. Bret said he couldn't keep up with all of the craziness in the house and promises us some never-before-seen clips that we've...ummm...never seen. Thanks for clearing that up, bandana boy.

I can't believe the wild ride that is "Rock of Love 2" is almost over. It's down to Daisy, Destiney and Ambre. Daisy is glad to be home after the Las Vegas debacle. She notes that the three remaining girls are so different that it's hard to figure out exactly what Bret's looking for. They all eat breakfast in silence until Big John comes in with the note and buckets full of cleaning supplies. Destiney reads the note and tells the girls to clean up the house because that day's challenge involves "a familiar face." Ambre's nervous and has no idea what's in store for them. Daisy puts on a pair of rubber gloves and says "the doctor is in." She seems like the kind of girl who may have used those gloves for nefarious purposes in the past.

Bret, the ladies and Heather are off to Vegas. Oh, this oughta be good. Bret says he has "feelings" for all of the girls. They're off to Vegas to find an inner spiritual connection (drink) and party their f'in asses off. The ladies hop on a jet and fly to Vegas. Jessica is concerned that she thinks Bret might still see her as too innocent and vows to do whatever it takes to shatter that perception. The gang arrive at the Hard Rock and is greeted by the VP of marketing, who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else. Bret vows to show the gals "rock and roll." Daisy is ready to get "down and dirty" with her man. The ladies arrive at a luxurious suite, complete with a pool table and gifts for the girls (cowboy hats a'plenty!) Destiney says she's there for Bret 100%. Heather makes a beeline for the bar. My kinda gal. Bret has a note for his "awesome foursome...and Heather." Jessica and Destiney are ordered to put on golf outfits and Ambre and Daisy get a later dinner date. Jessica played varsity golf and is psyched to hit the links with Bret. Heather decides that the ladies should "80s it up" and teases their hair. Of course, no one volunteers to do anyone's hair to help, it was all part of Heather's scheming to get Bret all to herself (which I am now positive she's trying to do.) Bret said the ladies' 'dos brought back some fond memories for him. Like when he had his own hair.

Now that Kristy Joe has left the mansion, the VH-1 producers ladies have to find a new villain - who will it be? Megan, Ambre, Destiney, Daisy or Jessica? Daisy is so happy to see Kristy Joe's empty bed and says it's a "beautiful day in Rock of Love Land." Big John gives the gals their note, which Daisy reads. Bret wants some honesty from the gals, and surprises the ladies by telling them that someone's getting eliminated that night. Bret feels he's gotten pretty close to the truth with of the ladies, but has invited some special friends to get to know a bit more about them. Bret said he's "bringing in the big guns" - otherwise known as the ladies' exes. Bret says the exes are the best way for him to see how the girls really behaved outside of his "house of lies."

Ok, who else missed Bret and the skanks last week? It feels like I have to get to know them all over again. Not really. It's down to the "sexy six" - soccer mom Ambre, scary Daisy, Destiney, Jessica, vapid, awful Megan and the (I still can't see it) "enemy", the hated Kristy Joe. Ambre still thinks she ruined last week's dinner and vows to step up her game. Kristy Joe hasn't been able to stop thinking that Bret feels her efforts are "too little too late" and decides she has to take care of things at home. So, she calls her second husband, and tells him how much she loves Bret, blah, blah, blah. Kinda tacky to ask for a divorce over the phone, but that's the kind of thing we've learned to expect from "Rock of Love." Kristy Joe has now told the world that she loves Bret and is ready to move on with her life. I don't understand this chick at all.