Earl is starting to understand the expression "three's a crowd" with Billie around. Not only did she ask Earl to shave his mustache last week (which he didn't do - thank God), she was taking over Earl's life. She insisted on driving Earl's car but had a teensy little problem with road rage and, since he spent all of his dough on the prison prom, he had to live off of Billie's insurance money. Since she paid for the hotel room, she said Randy could stay with them, but he had to sleep outside on the balcony. Earl can't understand why karma would bring him a girl that drives him crazy. He also can't let Billie return to her former life of crime. He misses "coma fantasy Billie."

It's the morning after Earl and Billie's nuptials and Catalina tells Earl he needs to change his own sheets. Apparently they had some good lovin'. Billie has a surprise for Earl - she has written her own list. Earl stands on the balcony and (loudly) thanks karma for helping him find his soulmate. The other guests at the hotel really didn't care, as they had their own concerns ("I came here to die!" "My hooker's not breathing.")

Sorry these are late, I was having some major "technical difficulties"! Earl was glad to be out of his coma (and so am I.) He couldn't get Billie off his mind - and the only 2 "Billies" in the phone books were 2 guys who didn't think they were Earl's soulmate. Earl got filled in on what had happened while he was in a coma by Randy, who chronicled everything on a notepad. The fire marshall kicked Joy, Darnell and the kids out of their trailer, which was still on its side after "Bad Earl" and his friends knocked it over. They now live in the Crab Shack - the kids were even getting help on their homework from a trying-to-be-helpful bar patron, who sadly didn't know the difference between math and spelling. Earl promised Joy he'd make things right with her. Oh, and Catalina's a lesbian. Say what? She's given up on men and has become a "chap stick lesbian." Joy asked Earl that since he already had Frank's car and trailer why he also had to have Frank's girl, which gave Earl an idea - he and Randy went to ask Frank if he knew where Billie was.

Earl got ejected from the hospital, and Randy had the option of putting him in county-run long-term care or taking him home and receiving $2,000 in Camden Cash, "redeemable at more than 6 local businesses." The first business Randy saw was paintball, so, obviously, he opted for the Camden Cash. Randy pushed Earl down the street in a shopping cart - he felt karma gave him the cash and put him in front of a supermarket when he was tired of carrying his brother.  

Randy is still trying to keep Earl's spirits up (he reads his IV bag, "basic nutrient pack...now with cobbler!") and continues to work on the list with Earl's friends. When it was Randy's turn to pick an item on the list, he went with the one at the place he knew how to get to. It was his parents' house. Randy and Joy are there to amend for the fact that Earl ruined his Dad's vacation. Apparently Earl's parents didn't know their son was in a coma. Randy should have probably told them when he was over the week before for lunch, but he was "distracted." They also didn't know he had been in prison either. Earl's mom drives off, muttering "we're gonna have to revise the Christmas letter."

Well, Earl's still in a coma, but as we discovered last week, as things are crossed off Earl's list, he's getting better and better. Randy and Joy are trying to figure out how to choose the next item off the list to work on. Earl is still living in his sitcom fantasy world, "The Hickeys" - in it, Billie's pregnant and Earl overhears her talking to Joy on the phone about a sought-after ob/gyn. Misunderstanding and cheesy sitcom hilarity ensues. Back in the real world, Randy has devised a clever method for Earl to pick the next list item - he has him drool on the list. The droplet of drool lands on "stole a motorcycle." Randy didn't look too happy about this one. Back in Earl's old, reprobate days, he and Randy were ambling around the neighborhood looking for stuff to steal (Earl called it "taking a crime walk") when they discovered a motorcycle. (Earl:"Check out the hog." Randy: "Dibs. Where is she?") The guys from Orange County Choppers were running the cycle shop and oblivious to the fact that Earl and Randy walked up to the bike - which had the keys in it - and took off. After they stole the bike they went off in search of fun, which included "beer...and rum...and tequila...and whatever malt liquor was on sale." The next thing they knew, they woke up the next morning on a school bus. Neither one of them remembered how they ended up there. In the present day, Randy couldn't remember what happened to the bike.

Remember "My Name is Earl"? It's been so long since we've seen Earl and the gang, that we get a re-introduction by President and CEO of NBC, Jeff Zucker. Courtesy of a recap video on NBC.com ("where you can watch all of your favorite shows, preferably within the first 17 days"), sponsored by Esurance, we get up to speed from where we left off - Earl gave up the list, got hit by a car which was driven by his dream girl, Billie (Alyssa Milano) who in turn was hit by a car. Got that? J-Z out!

Wow, it's been such a long time; I missed Earl and the gang! Since the Camden County Shoney's burned down, the Crab Shack has been the place to host "Welcome home from prison" parties - just like Earl's. An inebriated Joy offered Earl an egg nog, which actually was a margarita with an egg in it. Ewww, and I just ate. Earl was glad to be out of prison but, as he clocked Randy as he tried to cut his cake, prison wasn't quite out of him yet.

This week, the prison sign says "Available for film locations." Earl is getting ready to leave prison, unaware that the warden has other plans for him. Joy and Catalina both arrived at the jail to pick Earl up. Randy has been practicing his "super slow running hug" and demonstrates it to the gang. Darnell wishes his kids were able to bond like Randy and Earl did, they have started a new game called "Eye poke," which is fun until one of them gets poked in the eye. Earl headed for the gate. Randy was really excited, so much so that Joy warned that he'd "piddle on the rug." There's just one little problem, he's not on the list to get out - or on the "extra pudding list." Earl went to talk to the warden. He's not letting him out. He helped out way too much and was making the warden look really good - even in front of his wife, the governor (he may be getting his own bank account soon.) Earl's mad that the warden went back on his word. The warden put Earl in solitary until he agreed to help him. Joy figures out that Earl's not getting out and leaves. So does Catalina - ruining Randy's human pyramid. Earl was finding life in solitary kind of tough. He was allowed time out for prayers, but he had to be in a box. He was also in the box for his showers and recreational time (which makes it really hard to play basketball.) Day 9 he's getting a little stir crazy, day 15 he's playing charades with himself. Day 36 he's an orchestra-less conductor, and by day 47 he's doing the robot. He finally broke - just in time, as the warden needs to get the prison ready for Christmas. Earl's decided it's time to bust outta the place.

I love that the sign in front of the prison is always different ("Honk if you know someone on death row.") Earl's taking inventory of the days he's gotten taken off his sentence by doing favors for the warden. He's managed to get all but 6 months taken off his jail time. Fortunately for Earl, the warden is constantly getting himself into trouble. This time he was tricked by a reported during his wife (the governor's) press conference. The reporter asked the warden how he plan to turn around his dismal record of failed programs. The warden responds that he's working on a top-secret, "super-duper super program." The reporter asks if he planned on following the lead of another prision that started a reconciliation program where criminals meet their victims..."and fight! (The warden interjects.) "Two men enter, one man leaves...yeah, we're doing that." The warden asks Earl to help him establish a reconciliation program and promises to chop six months off his sentence (leaving him to serve only 10 days.) Earl takes the warden up on his offer. He also offers to make the warden a cheese omelet for the last 10 days.