Sheesh! It seems like a million years since we've seen this show, but after an Olympics-imposed hiatus, it's time to check in on Jer-ry, The Hoff and the 40 acts hoping to make as much money as Terry Fator. Tonight, ten of the top 40 acts are performing live for America's votes. And, since we're seeing ten acts in two hours, I'm expecting that there's going to be a lot of filler. Jer-ry informs us that the show is such a big hit that it's going to be on for two nights. Tomorrow night, we find out which five acts we're seeing now make the cut and then seeing the next 10 acts. Gee, that's more alleged talent than I can really handle. Piers lets us know that even though this is the top 40 that the judges' buzzers are still functional. Sharon says that she hopes that the remaining acts have stepped up their game since the last time we saw them and Hoff says that the mystery returning act (replacing The Russian Bar, who had to pull out of the competition due to an injury) will be revealed at the end of the show. So, let's get things started!

We're down to the 60 hopefuls who will be weeded down to 40 by Hoff, Sharon and Piers. The judges lay out photos of all of the acts and talked about them. There's a lot of "I don't like him", "I love him" and "Hoff, get away from my hamburger." They seemed to come to a mutual decision and up first is Hunky Elvis, a/k/a/ Joseph Hall. Sharon suggests that he take some voice lessons. And, beside that, they're moving him on to the semis. We now find out the fate of our R&B crooners - Kyle and Bryan. Who's going to make it? Former Chippenddale dancer Bryan is moving on. And whay about Kyle? Piers gives him the bad news. This is the dullest episode of the season.

This recap was quite a challenge. Not only am I working with a malfunctioning laptop (you try typing without a backspace key) I also had to go through all my old recaps to get 90% of these peoples' names. For some unknown reason, NBC decided to skip the oh-so-helpful supers this week, and I, sadly, have no short-term memory. After weeks and weeks of auditions, it's finally time for the Vegas callbacks, where 113 acts will be cut down to the top 40. There's quite a few unfamiliar faces here, mixed in with some of the most unforgettable acts of the past few weeks, including opera singer Neil Boyd and Frank Sinatra impersonator Paul Salos. The performers land in Sin City and while some immediately rehearse, some hit the casino - all of them thinking they're performing for the judges the next day. But, as Jer-ry tells us, three other people are heading to Vegas with some "shocking news." Hoff says some of the contestants are going to be in for a "nasty shock." The acts have been summoned to the performance theater - there's been a change of plans. Hoff delivers the "good news," that one act in the theater will win $1 million and be crowned the best new act in America. Piers, naturally, delivers the "bad news." That night, the judges are going to review the audition performances and determine who they want to see for Vegas week and send the rest home immediately. The hopefuls have a long night ahead of them. So do the judges, holed up in a hotel suite together deciding the fate of the 113 acts. Piers says they have to be tough. First under the gun is "dancer" Ronny B. Somehow I don't think he's going to be performing again. They are reassessing the large volume of singers and dance acts - I think cutting them is going to be a bloodbath. I'm sure they reviewed all 113 acts that night.

It's the last week of auditions, before the truly talented are whittled down in Las Vegas. This week, our hopefuls come to us from MySpace. Oh, good Lord. If anyone sings "Chocolate Rain," I'm outta here. First up is 37-year-old Guns 'n' Roses reject Michael Trixx from Cape Cod, who claims he's been a magician for 12 years. He promises the judges a "rock 'n' roll magic show." The only thing rock 'n' roll about his act was the fact that he used Judas Priest's "You've Got Another Thing Coming" to do his amateur-level tricks. Sharon says he reminds her of "Lord of the Rings" and calls him a "rock 'n' roll Hobbit" (that would be an awesome song title, wouldn't it?) Piers said his act "looked a bit cheap." You can't teach an old Hobbit new Trixx, I suppose. Next up, "glam rockers" Diva Boy (a model agency owner) and the Sexplosion Dancers. Mr. Boy looks a bit more New Romantic to me, but I could be wrong. They lip synch to a weak song and basically walk back and forth across the stage. Not surprisingly, theyre not off to Vegas either. Thank God this episode is only an hour.

Once again, America's Got Talent is in the Big Apple, and Jer-ry promises it's the for the "last time." First up is 49-year-old Perry Zanett, who claims to be the "world's greatest actor" - I'm sure he's not, and the novelty king costume can pretty much attest to that (is anyone else really wishing they'd get to the honest-to-God talent already?) He's doing a Shakespearean monologue. God help us. Piers speaks for all of us when he tells Perry "can we just get on with it?" He's already exasperated and Perry hasn't even started. And, just as he gets started, Hoff buzzes him. The crowd hates him and he soon gets buzzed by Sharon and Piers, who calls him "a complete waste of space." Ouch. Perry says "it takes one to know one" and then says that Hoff was out-acted by a car. Way to tell 'em, Per!

After a rather lengthy recap of the last four weeks of auditions, we're once again back in Atlanta - who knew this city was such a magnet for talent? How many rounds of auditions are we going to have to endure? I can't imagine we couldn't live without seeing the majority of the perfoemners on tonight's episode, especially our first wannabe, 29-year-old banker Michelle Wallace from Birmingham, Alabama. She's "passionate" about singing, and is wearing more glitter make up than any child contestant I've ever seen on this show. I'm scared. Once she hits the stage, she works the crowd. Hard. Her voice cracks during her first sentence, so my fears are pretty much on the money. She makes the unfortunate decision to sing "All By Myself" (when she finally gets to singing - for a moment, I thought her "talent" was merely hyping up the crowd. Heck, it worked for Flavor Flav.) Michelle apparently only knew the words to the chorus of the song. Jer-ry tried to help from the wings, telling us that "she's trying." Not hard enough. She finally gets buzzed by all three judges, but refuses to stop singing. When she finally puts us out of our collective misery, Hoff says that if she kept singing, she'd definitely be "all by herself." Sharon asked her if she had ever recorded her voice and listened back to it (I did that after a drunken evening of karaoke, hence you'll never see me on this show) and, of course, she said "no." And, of course, she won't be moving on.

I'm having deja vu, Jer-ry is back in Atlanta. And I'm getting homesick. Aaahh...The Varsity....They were here last week, weren't they? Yeah, they made a fuss about the Hoff being "Atlanta's hometown boy" (even though he's from Maryland.) I guess they got short shrift last week or something. Or, the show is just such a ratings smash that NBC threw together another show to capitalize on the series' success and get more ad dollars. Yeah, that sounds right. 29-year-old health inspector Billy Dodson (I wonder if he gets razzed about that awful Larry the Cable Guy movie - hell, he even looks like a slightly beefier LTCG) hopes that he's got a million dollar talent. He takes the stage and sings opera - in a feminine falsetto. Hardly the voice anyone expected to come outta this guy. Piers buzzed him immediately and Sharon and Hoff soon followed suit. I actually thought he was pretty good. He looked like he was going to kick some major ass when he got booted. Sharon told him to "sing like a man."

It's time for more of the good, the bad, the ugly and the Hoff. Jer-ry introduces us to the Dallas audience and we're treated to a judge montage in the style of the credits from the TV show. Cheese-o-rama! Terry "Last Season's Winner" Fator is from Dallas, so hopes are high for the city. First up is 41-year-old Corky Duke. He's a line dancer - the self-proclaimed "King of Line Dancing." A professional, solo, line dancer. Why does ol' Corky sound to me like a character from a Christopher Guest mockumentary? His dance routine to the annoying Rednex version of "Cotton Eyed Joe" can't be for real either. Well, maybe Corky is a sorbet, preparing the judges' palates for some real talent. Even softie Sharon buzzed him. Piers called his act "a complete and utter waste of time." Sharon said he reminded her of "Jed Clampett when he struck oil."

Last week, 24 million people watched the first round of auditions and tonight promises even more "amazing" auditions as Sharon, Piers, Hoff and "the toughest audience in the world" mine La-La Land, the Big Apple and the Windy City for talent. First stop is LA - but before the "talent", we have to introduce the judges. Piers says he's looking for "a winner to join the greatest legends in entertainment history." Pretty lofty ambition there, Piers. First up is 55-year-old part time nanny Victoria, clad in a fairy outfit. She's a singing fariy. Sure she is. Hoff's a bit baffled to see her on the stage. She only got a few words of "When You Wish Upon a Star" before Piers buzzed her. The crowd obviously didn't like her and neither did Piers, who called her "weird." 18-year-old Daniel Avila sings an original composition called "Wherever You Are" and compares himself to Luciano Pavarotti. He sounds like Luciano sat on him. Also included in the "loser montage" (to the tune of "Beat It") are "musician" Ken Butler, playing an instrument that looks like a cross between a tennis racket and a rifle. Polina and her mother did an act that is indescribable. Mom tickeld the ivories while Polina, dressed as a man, moved cymbals around. It was awful.

Well, it's definitely summer because "America's Got Talent" is back for a third "exciting" season. We get to find out who will follow in the footsteps of Bianca Ryan (remember her?) and last season's winner, ventriliquist Terry Fator, who allegedly has signed a $100 million deal, becoming the most successful reality TV winner of all time. Jer-ry says this season the winner will receive "a prize money can't buy." This season, AGT saw 200,000 acts during auditions in LA, Dallas, Chicago, Atlanta and NYC. Not only is the big winner getting one million dollars, they're also getting a gig "on the Vegas strip" - they don't say where exactly - I'm thinking a couple of square feet of sidewalk outside of the Mirage or something. We check in with Terry Fator, who, in a montage of talk show appearances (all done within the week after the season finale I'm sure) has become a "household name across the country." I loved Terry, but "household name" is pushing it a bit. And now, cue the dramatic lighting, it's time to meet our judges - "Celebrity Apprentice" victor Piers Morgan, the purple-haired Sharon Osbourne and, of course, the Hoff. Jer-ry now unleashes the talent of New York City upon us.