It's time for the gang to get back together to reminisce one last time, on the trainwreck that was "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Our host is Ryan Stout (aka Douchey McDoucherson from the "Hangover" recap show) and just about everyone showed up - with the exception of Scott, Chaos (I don't remember either of them) and Alex, who's on tour with the Spice Girls (I thought this was a joke, until I recalled that he was, in fact, a dancer.) Bobby and Dani are backstage waiting to see TT for the first time since the finale and Brandi is also backstage, awaiting her reunion with crazy Vanessa. (The audience is split between "Team V" and "Team B," and wear t-shirts declaring their allegiance. Sheesh.) But first, the moment I've been waiting for - Keasha! Hey girl, hey! Unfortunately, Keasha's lucid, which takes all the fun out of her (all-too-brief) interview. Ryan calls out the show's 2 virgins - Ashli and Eddie and they're both still saving themselves (Eddie still hasn't come out yet!)

Well, we've suffered through block-headed boys and beligerent babes, and now it's down to Dani and Bobby. Who shall prevail? Tila thinks that the dates, meeting the parents and wacky challenges aren't enough to determine wh "the one" is, so the two finalists are going to spend a day in Tila's shoes. The first sto in the "Day in the Life of Tila Tequlia Tour" is a recording studio, where D & B can explore life as a musician/songwriter. (Ummm, they cut to Dani for a "confessional" and she had a full face of make-up. What gives? Do. Not. Like!)

It's time for the obligatory clip show, hosted by the dork (Ryan Stout) who's been doing the after show (which tries to make fun of the show before "The Soup" gets at it. It's as lame as it sounds.) Joining him, the show's star, Miss TT herself. We are promised never before seen footage and insight from Tila. Our first unseen treat involves Rebecca and Sara sharing a body shot on the first day at the house (while all of the girls hope that the boys will be able to understand lesbians better, not just see them for their bodies and stuff. Yeah, body shots are very educationally helpful in that way. Michael (Mr. Mama's Couch) does his first ever body shot off of Sara, who didn't mind because she felt he "had no game." Michael admitted he loved lesbians all of a sudden. Tila was "shocked" at the footage, as she (allegedly) had never seen it before.

And now, the few moments I've been waiting to see since episode one, the Keasha montage! Hey girl, hey! Tila said she thought Keasha was "interesting" (complete with air quotes.) We get to see her day one costume again (the caution tape around her chest and the tool belt, remember?) But now, we get a little more insight about what the outfit says about her. "I come from a world of design." And then we get this jem - "I am...I would say...at spirit...a little bit...(giggle.)" Tila said she was a trainwreck (but great TV - come on MTV, give this woman a reality show!) Now we revisit the moment when Tila told everyone she was a (cough, cough) bisexual. We see the boys fighting at the pool party and get to revisit Rebecca and Tila's little poolside chat. (Hey MTV, we already saw this clip!) Oh, but the kiss is longer. Tila giggled nervously while watching the kissing. I'm bored already.

Dorkus and Tila revisit the "Bi-Athalon" and get to see unseen footage of the boys whining about the fact that they got beaten by the girls. Waaah, waaah. Of course, this leads to some clips from the boys' trip to Tila's "hell," including Domenico getting strapped to some sort of torture device and is forced to say hi to his mom before being whipped and a little guy-on-guy action between Bobby and Steven, which rapidly turns into a whip fight (it sounds as lame as it seems.) We also get to see the boys getting on their knees and apologizing to Tila (They should actually apologize to us, don'cha think?) Now Tila gets to see some of what happened when she wasn't around. Vanessa started a big debate to whether or not gay couples should have children, as it wasn't fair for the kids. Here we go. This upset Brandi because her mom was a lesbian. Amanda thinks Vanessa is an idiot (and then tossed out the "retarded" word again, yes, the girl with the developmentally challenged siblings. Who's the idiot now?) As always, Dani proved to be the voice of reason.

It's time for another "TT Trainwreck" - country bumpkin Ashley. Apparently he had a hard time with the name of the woman he loved (Tia and Teelana are a few of his gaffes) as well his competitors (Domaniko, Stevenson, Brian - actually Michael, Robbie.) Looking back, Tila said she give him another shot - not! After he was kicked off, old Ash was so enraged that he tried to kick over a very heavy flower pot and hurt his foot. He went to the hospital and attempted to fill in the paperwork ("What's martial status?" "Method of arrival...was it a Ford or a Chevy?" No one can be that stupid (unless they work in government - wakka, wakka!) The hick actually broke his foot.

We travel back to the night everyone moved into the house and found out they were all sharing one big bed. Pillow fight! (Pretty violent pillow fight, if you ask me.) Vanessa gave poor Domenico an atomic wedgie. Ah, Domenico. We now get to enjoy memories of Little Italy. His "100% Italian Ass" bathing suit, telling a tight-shirted Tila "I can see the nipples" (honey, we all can) and attempting to turn Brandi on during a game of truth or dare (if teabagging turned Brandi on, he was successful.) Oh, and we get to enjoy him tell us what a dingleberry is. He thought it was a "berry coming from the bush." Wrong side, dude. All in all, he is a sweet enough actor guy and should do well on his own reality show (coming soon on MTV!) And, although Domenico didn't get Tila, he seemed to have formed a curious relationship with Ashley while he was still at the house (he stood up for his "man from Milan" when Marcus, he of the irritating laugh, was hating on him.)

It's a bittersweet experience for me to write this week's Tila recap, after hearing the news that Tila may not actually be bisexual and may not be looking for love - reality TV isn't real? I'm crushed, but I'll try to work through it. So anyway, Tila and the final three - Bobby, Amanda and Dani, are off to Cancun for their last chance to prove who they really were to Tila. Bobby feels "threatened." Amanda's just happy to be off to Mexico. Dani's confident that she's staying.

It's "Meet the Parents" day on "Shot." Bobby's nervous because Ryan, his main competition, comes from a wealthy background and he doesn't. Dani's looking forward to Tila meeting her "firehouse family." Amanda told Dani that she had 6 "retarded" brothers and sisters - isn't that kinda politically incorrect?

The first stop on the parent tour is Worcester, NY, home of Bobby. Tila tells us that she's nervous that Bobby never dated a gal like her before. Bobby's big night with Tila is spent at the neighborhood bowling alley. TT's not much of a bowler, but Bobby is (he's playing with a "blue ball.") Bobby starts babbling again and confesses his concerns to Tila. She doesn't help matters by telling Bobby that she thought he was from the more Manhattan-ish area of New York. (But, TT is from Texas. Who knew?) They head out into "the boonies" to meet Bobby's folks. Bobby's whole damn family is at the house - Mom, Dad, brother, Stepmom and Stepdad (what a cozy little group!) Bobby tells them that there are 2 boys left fighting for Tila's affections. Oh yeah, and two girls. Cue record scratching sound, and surprised look on Stepdad's face (and he is rocking the Sam Elliot from "Mask moustache and white mullet look.)

I'm sure everyone's been on the edge of their seats, wondering what was going to happen between Vanessa and Brandi after last week's catfight. Brandi decides to leave and Tila gets really upset. Bobby said that, in essence, Vanessa won because she got Brandi out of the house. Tila took some time to herself and then went back to the remaining "playas" and told them that she was glad they were here. Amanda feels she's in a good spot because she felt Brandi was her biggest competiton.

Vanessa finds Tila's message in a bottle. It's time for the gang to prove that they have "exotic tastes." Amanda notes that since Tila's a "world traveler" it's going to take "someone incredible" to keep up with her (In this house there's lots of incredulous, I've yet to see someone incredible.) The gang head outside for their challenge. Ryan muses aloud, "It's gotta be better than the pie....Dear God, what is that?" It's worse than pie, it's "Fear Factor." There are two tables with lovely severed, skinned bulls' heads as the centerpieces, complemented by roaches and maggots in jars. Dani said that the roaches were the big, "steal your wallet" sized ones (she's from my home state of Florida, so she knows of what she speaks.) Tila wants to make sure that whomever she picks can keep up with her globetrotting tour schedule (who is she now, Bret Michaels?) The winner of the challenge gets to share a private champagne bubble bath with Tila (not a tub filled with champagne mind you, but a champagne glass-shaped tub, just like the ones you'd find in a "love hotel" in Niagara Falls or the Poconos.) For this challenge, the boys and girls have to consume a bull's penis and testicles. The guy and girl who eat the most will face off in the final round. Amanda, a vegetarian, says this is the hardest thing she's ever had to do in her life (she hasn't eaten red meat in 15 years.) And they're off...

The gang was still talking about Ashley's elimination meltdown from last week. Bobby was  happy that it gave him an excuse to spend some unplanned one-on-one time with Tila (he was fine, of course.) Everyone else was drained. Ryan took it upon himself to "lift everyone's spirits" with an air horn wake-up call. Vanessa still hates men. Michael reads the message - since things have been dirty as of late, it's clean up time. The gang have pink and blue bikinis with what look like buffer pads on them to put on. It's car wash time. Tila wanted some good clean fun after the recent drama. She wants to see the competitors' creativity in cleaning. The gang heads outside and finds two filthy Hummers (the SUVs, come on people!) Tila appointed Michael the leader of the blue team and Domenico was chosen as the leader of the red team and the two boys got to pick their teammates "playground style". They picked through all of the boys first. Poor Vanessa was the last picked. Michael's blue team consists of him, Ryan, Bobby, Amanda and Ashli and Domeinco's red team is made up of him, Steven, Dani, Brandi and Vanessa. The winning team gets a spa day with Tila and the losing team has to camp outside overnight. They've got 10 minutes. They proceed to wash the vehicles down with every body part they have. Domenico chose to clean the tires with his c**k, he said it was fun. Brandi said he was enjoying himself so much because that was "the only Hummer he's going to get." Michael was happy with his team, as Amanda was using her hair and Ryan was actually licking the truck. Ewww. Vanessa, of course, had to make her self the center of attention.

Brandi is still somewhat amazed that she's still in the house and says she definitely needs some alone time with Tila. Ryan finds a message in a bottle from Tila. It's time for the guys to face off against the girls in the first (and hopefully last) Tila Tequila "Bi-Athalon," so each team grabs their respective tank top (pink for the gals, of course - which Dani is less than thrilled about) and head outside. Tila's in her "naughty referee" costume, which Ashley says makes her look like a zebra he wants to "jump on and ride." What a romantic guy. Each team member has to blow up a love doll and run an obstacle course. They also have to dig in a plastic pool filled with sand for a necklace. The first team who crosses the finish line gets to spend quality time with Tila either in "heaven" or "hell." Sara thinks the girls are going to lose. The boys get the lead early on, because Ashli was having trouble inflating her doll, which prompted Vanessa to yell "Blow virgin, blow!" Sara helped the ladies catch up and Domenico was having some difficulties on the course. Ashley, "the beast," gets the boys back in the lead. It's Dani versus Ryan for the win. Ryan can't find the necklace which gives Dani the chance to catch up and ultimately win for the ladies. Ryan didn't like losing to the "he/shes" - but technically, "they're guys", according to Domenico. The gals choose to spend quality time with Tila in heaven (of course they do.)

It's move-in day for the 17 remaining contestants. Tila says it's going to be crazy. Rob thinks it's going to be great to share a house with lesbians, because they love p***y too. Domenico is sporting a lovely t-shirt that declares that he's a "Vagatarian." What a classy guy. First up, everybody turns in their keys - they have to "earn them now." Tila lays down the house rules. Number one: no hooking up when she's not around. Gee, that seems to be the only rule. Tila tells them to get settled in, as they're gonna have a slumber party that night. They walk into the bedroom - there's one big bed for everyone. Amanda describes it perfectly, "Bacteria, feet, dirty." Michael hasn't given up his "I sleep on my mom's couch" story, but is more than happy to share the bed with the ladies. Vanessa is afraid she'll awaken with morning wood in her ass and threatens the boys with her huge lucite stiletto. Krystal said that everyone got into a huge pillow fight to stake their territory. Rob said it was like "retarded summer camp" (well, you got part of that right, dude.) Vanessa gave Domenico a monster wedgie. The gang gets into their "love clothes" and Domenico offers us his thoughts on undergarments. "If it's too hot I sleep naked (oh please don't let it get too hot) I do use sometimes underwear though just (incomprehensible Italian/English mutterings). Sometimes it gets too long and goes wherever it wants so I have to keep it in the cage." Huh? Their going to play spin the bottle, Tila Tequila style. It's truth or dare. Ashli was nervous because she was "inexperienced" (at spinning bottles?) Bobby was first and had to fellate the bottle. Ryan had to wear the girl's lingerie (the thong separated his twig from his berries. I think.) Domenico tried to turn Brandi on with a little wooing/teabagging. Ashley kissed Michael on the lips. Tila has yet another secret for the gang. Rob says ("please don't have a penis.")