Dear CSI,

Thank you for kickstarting this episode with gratuitous lesbianism that had nothing to do with the plot. It's always appreciated. However, the next time you want to do something like that, please have it be Sara and Sofia making out.

Love,
Annie

Immediately following the Hot! Girl! On! Girl! Action!, shots are heard and a limo careens into the crowd outside a nightclub. Nobody in the crowd is seriously injured but inside the limo, Champ Landley has scattered his blood and brain matter all over the champagne and cocaine. How rude. Brass tells an officer to collect cellphones from the crowd by telling them their pictures and videos will be on the news, then heads over to chat with Champ's companion in the limo, Drops. Many of you may remember Drops from the season six episode "Poppin' Tags." He's just as incorrigibly charming as he was then, even covered in blood and brains, and insists that he has no idea who would want to shoot at him and Champ, since he's an innocent, law-abiding model citizen and all. Brass is all, "Riiiiiight." He tells Drops that he'll have to go down to the station to give a statement, his clothing, and a DNA sample.

So Damon and Carleton have been mostly MIA from the ABC podcasts as of late, as some of you might have noticed. I miss them, but at the same time, I know full well what it means - the season's winding to an end. That, and Vincent will soon be flying and speaking Hebrew. Sure, last night's episode of 'Lost' was only the 15th out of 22 for the season, but hey - it's coming. What's that mean? Well, hopefully some answers, because as I found out just the other day, we very well may see a flashback episode revolving around the DeGroots, of all people. WOW. In addition to that, my Scotsman-like prediction of Benjamin Linus getting a flashback at season's end seems to be coming true, as well. Can't tell ya where I got this information, but come on - a flashback episode of Gerald and Karen DeGroot? Do you even WANT to try and prove me wrong on that one?

Get Lost after the jump...

After a brief break, Scrubs is back. When we last visited Sacred Heart, we found out Nurse Laverne was involved in a car accident. We learn she's suffered major head trauma. The rest of the staff involved themselves in various life-affirming activities. Elliot and Keith had a little horizontal mambo action (although after 5 times, Elliot was still sad.). JD and Turk attempted to take out Kelso's mailbox (unsuccessfully – he had it reinforced with titanium as his wife kept backing the RV into it) and Cox shaved his head again (remember the episode before last? Continuity, line 1!) Carla had to break the news to Laverne's family, which made J.D. wish for a bad news robot.

Oh, thank God, The Office is back! And with a “supersized" episode! Is it me, or does Karen seem to be a bad match for Jim? They simply don't have much in common (but they're both so cute together...) Roy busts into the office and tries to take a swing at Jim, but is thwarted (along with poor Pam) by a burst of pepper spray (courtesy of – who else? – Dwight - who also gets a snootful of the toxic liquid.)

Jan is on the phone with Michael and Toby. Roy has been fired, and Jim's not pressing any charges. Darryl has decided to use this opportunity to ask for a raise. Pam doesn't want to talk about the Roy vs. Jim confrontation. Jim said Roy should be thankful that he was merely hit with pepper spray, as Dwight's office arsenal also included nunchuks and throwing stars. Jim thanked Dwight for his help but he refused any thanks or gifts. Dwight feels he's not a hero. The real heroes are crime fighters á la Batman and Superman. Angela wants a blow-by-blow of the altercation and gets one from Oscar. She was visibly excited to hear about Dwight's heroism. Michael is running through some role-playing scenarios of his meeting with Darryl (portrayed by Jim) aided by Wikipedia, which Michael believes is a trusted source.

A little girl runs panting along a forest path, seemingly being pursued by someone with a gun. But it's ¾ into the first season of this show, and I am on to your particular brand of bullshit, Jericho. Things are never as they first appear in the teaser. Remember that time everyone looked like they were on a badass training exercise, and it turned out they were (quite ineffectively) hunting a turkey? Good times. Aaaannnd... yep. The person following the girl is her brother, and he has a gun because they're chasing a rabbit for supper. Said rabbit disappears into Stanley's barn, which happens to be where the Jericho PTB parked the pseudomarines' tank. The little girl crawls in past a loose board and stares up with huge eyes. Me thinkey that the tank is out of the bag.

Town hall. Sure enough, the townsfolk are exceptionally pissed that Gray et al lied to them about the pseudomarines. A line has formed outside, and everyone is demanding food. Meanwhile, Roger's pissed because the refugees' rations have been cut in half – they're essentially being treated like they're half as important as everyone else. Gray claims he doesn't like it any more than Roger, but that they need to make the food last, and that somebody has to get less – it might as well be the last people to arrive.

Previously: Renee hated on the plus sized girls, Sarah's challenge win gave her an advantage at the shoot, and Diana's lack of focus and pigmentation did her in. This week: the girls party with 50 Cent and Tyra makes them cry. Who wants to be on top (na na na na na na)?

Tyra Mail! Dionne reads: "Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?", as Natasha repeats the words a second behind her. It's so adorable, how she wants to be literate. Somewhere in the crowd, Renee rolls her eyes. She is being driven so insane by her housemates that she has decided to wear a t-shirt as a hood at all times. The specific girls on her nerves? Jael and Sarah. No time to confront them with her shrouded visage now, though, as our models are off to an Indian restaurant.

A plot: In Baltimore, the police are on a training exercise when one of their dogs sniffs out a body buried in concrete. Brennan and Booth are called out to investigate and Brennan orders the entire slab of concrete carted back to the lab. The body is identified as Billy Ray McKenna, an enforcer for Melvin Gallagher, the crime boss of West Virginia. I wonder if when all the mobsters have their annual convention, they laugh at Gallagher for running, you know, West Virginia. Even the Rhode Island boss has got to feel a little smug about that. Anyway, Billy Ray was paralyzed by having his brains scrambled by an icepick, then he was buried alive in wet concrete where he eventually suffocated. The icepick to the brain is the signature of Hugh Kennedy, another enforcer for Gallagher. Several years ago, Kennedy was arrested then released on bail. He was being chased by a bounty hunter when his car crashed and burned, a severed leg the only identifiable body part left. The leg is still in cold storage and Booth tells Brennan to analyze it, since it now looks like Kennedy may still be alive. He meets with the bounty hunter, Veleska Miller, who doesn't have any new information to add but does seem to be quite happy to hang around and flirt with Booth. Well, who wouldn't be? He offers to buy her breakfast but then his phone rings. It's Brennan and she confirms that the leg is Kennedy's but it was cut off, not severed in a crash. Brennan thinks Veleska may have had something to do with Kennedy faking his death and demands that Booth bring her in for questioning but when he turns around, Veleska is already driving off with a flippant wave.

Later, Booth and Brennan talk to West Virginia crime boss (hee) Gallagher and his creepy lawyer, Clark Lightner. Gallagher looks a little bit like Ain't It Cool News founder Harry Knowles, incidentally. Gallagher admits to having employed McKenna and says the last Gallagher saw him, McKenna was headed off on vacation. Still, he does allow that after a three year disappearance, he knew McKenna was probably dead, because the man was, as Lightner says, "aggressive." He also admits to employing Kennedy but disavows all knowledge of Kennedy's fondness for brain scrambling via icepick. However, when Booth begins to ask about Kennedy, Gallagher and Lightner look at each other significantly. Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNN.

Pictured above, we see Gina Glocksen smiling though her heart is aching. How did she get there?

See, it's like this: Idol has these theme nights, and some of them just aren't suited for one or many of the contestants. America (because they had only ever seen "rock" as defined by say, Evanescence or Sheryl Crowe or something) really thought that Gina rocked. As such, they really didn't like it when she didn't.

Oh. How did she literally get there, like on the show?

See, it's like this:

A couple is walking upstairs in their house when they realize that young Zoë is at the park. They get excited about the prospect of being home alone so that they can do a little dance...make a little love, etc., but the ultimate mood-killer is found: a dead girl in their bed. Dr. Melinda Warner updates Detective Elliot Stabler and Detective Olivia Benson. The girl suffocated and she plans on doing a rape kit because semen was found on the mattress of the bed where the body was found. At the lab, Dr. Warner explains that the girl suffocated to death. She drank too much and asphyxiated on her own vomit. She drank herself to death. She was not raped; the semen on the mattress belonged to the homeowner. Yikes, I hope they never find a dead body in my sock drawer or they will think that the world's largest gang-bang took place in my closet. Detectives Stabler and Benson interview the cleanliness-challenged homeowners about the identity of the girl. The homeowners state that they have never seen her before, but they are positive that she didn't get the booze from them. The husband admits to being a recovering alcoholic with three years of sobriety but, luckily for us viewers, Stabler interrupts him before he gets too preachy and self-congratulatory to find out who else may have had a house key.

Congrats to the cast and crew on winning a Peabody Award! *does the Snoopy dance* Here's what the Peabody judges had to say about FNL: "No dramatic series, broadcast or cable, is more grounded in contemporary American reality than this clear-eyed serial about the hopes, dreams, livelihoods and egos intertwined with the fate of high-school football in a Texas town." Do they know my show or what?!?

"LET ME GUESS – THE OLD LADY YOU WERE GETTING WITH DUMPED YOU" – Wow, when they don't have to cram in a football game, there's lots of time for soapy drama! And a roast! We've got a whole raft of hookups & breakups, so let me just run 'em down for you: Pam & Buddy Garrity are getting a divorce. Jason & Lyla break up for good (engagement-ring-to-the-face broken up) after Lyla catches Jason red-handed sucking face with Suzy Q, who for some reason is still hanging around Dillon. She claims she's paying off a traffic ticket when she meets up with Jason at the City Clerk's office, but it looks to me like she really deserves a citation for loitering. Miffie comes to her senses and tosses a disheveled and barely dressed Tim out of her bed and then literally out the window, which is pretty damn funny. Unfortunately, that also means he's out of "little man" Bo's life, which seems a shame. Yeah, I know, Tim's not exactly an Eagle scout when it comes to being a role model, but frankly? In that environment? Bo could do a lot worse. I mean, come on, Bo sleeps in a shirt he made himself that says "MILLER" and "#33" on it – how cute is that?!? Waverly offers Smash a "hiatus" for the next two weeks, giving him carte blanche to ho around as much as he wants, but not only does he decline her generous offer, he turns down a party (and certain laidhood) and brings her cake. Now that's the way to treat a lady, Smash! Good for you! Tim & Trouble decide to try being friends; after what she's been through, it might take her a while to get back in the lunch meat saddle (though I don't think Tim knows about the attack yet...heaven help us all when he finds out...). But on the other hand...it's Tim, Mr. Irresistible, so...odds are even at this point. Wait, though, hang on, because there at the end, Landry comes on as a surprisingly strong dark-horse competitor in the race for Trouble's fair hand...Boy, I sure do hope they get another season to work on all this romance!