30 Rock: Senor Macho Solo (Episode 307)

Jack meets with Tracy to discuss his latest extravagant spending habits (including a shirt made of dollar bills and solid goal sneakers, hawt). Tracy admits he has to spend his money ASAP so that half of what's left isn't enough for Angie to live on, should she try to divorce him for his money. Jack says this is no way to live; he'll meet with Tracy and Angie and devise some sort of post-nuptial agreement so Tracy can have peace of mind.

Jenna, always blindly optimistic about her talents, has caught wind of an NBC Universal biopic in the works and petitions Jack for an audition. Decked out in Janis Joplin duds, Jenna wins Jack over. He admits this is a complete train wreck of an idea, but he likes the company synergy and sees great cross-promotional opportunities with Jenna attached to the movie. Needless to say, Jenna is ecstatic and plans hatch to have Jenna sing a Joplin song on the next TJS episode.

For her part, Ms. Lemon is still baby crazy. A glimpse inside her purse reveals a stash of mismatched baby shoes ("If it's just laying there, it's not stealing!"). During her lunch hour, she likes to stroll down the streets and interact with as many kidlets as possible. As she ruffles the hair of what she thinks to be a young boy, she's surprised to find Stuart, a grown man who mistakes Liz's head pat as an aggressive form of courting. He digs chicks with a "nerdy vibe" and asks her to lunch. To Liz's dismay, they hit it off. The hitch now is that Stuart must never know the real reason she touched his head--which, duh, he will.

Jenna rallies the troops to watch "Access Hollywood." Her movie is going to get some press, and she wants to bask in everyone's well wishes and jealousy, of course! She's shocked and disappointed to hear that Martin Scorsese is also doing a Janis Joplin flick, starring Julia Robert. Jack says not to fear, they're still working on securing the movie and Jenna should still proceed with her performance on TJS, he'll figure something out for the song rights. "Chunk of my love", anyone?

Mrs. Donaghy is still recovering from her dual hip-replacement surgeries and is in Jack's care. Unable (and unwilling) to give her the attention she needs, Jack hires a full-time nurse, Elisa. Elisa (Selma Hayek) redeems this season of "30 Rock" from all their past stinky guest stars ... Steve Martin, Jennifer Aniston, Megan Mullally ... Each pretty terrible, with the exception of Oprah (I laughed my ass off that episode).

Jack, Tracy and Angie meet to discuss a post-nuptial agreement. Angie gamely agrees to sign anything Tracy wants because she has to plans to ever leave him. Tracy's touched by her declaration of love (as is Jack) and rips the paperwork to shreds.

Elisa turns out to be something of a Cesar Millan to Jack's mom. Mrs. Donaghy is pleasant, sleeping more and, most importantly, not causing Jack any trouble. So when Elisa sneak attacks Jack with a ball grab and confirms his fear that there is indeed a lump, she works her way up the charts in Jack's mind. She encourages him to see a doctor and to lean on people he loves for support, but Jack not-so-confidently says he'll handle this his way--alone.

After visiting his doctor and witnessing Tracy and Angie's love for one another, Jack feels lonely and remembers Elisa mentioned she'd be at the park for a family party on Saturday. Jack shows up with Pringles and a bottle of Moet, ready to apologize for his earlier behavior. Elisa's lookin' hot as she busts out the Macerena (love how game Selma is to poke fun at her ethnicity). She and Jack hit it off, and the party causes Jack to change his negative position on all things family and love.

Jack boldly announces to Liz that he loves Elisa--he doesn't care what his test results say, he loves her! Just then his cell rings. It's his doctor, and Tracy hears the news: the test was positive. As in, good news! Jack doesn't have cancer. Jack misunderstands, and as he processes the bad news followed by the actual good news, he begins to question whether his feelings for Elisa were based on his fear of being sick.

Stuart inevitably breaks up with Liz because he discovers she initially thought he was a child. But Liz really likes him--he's smart, handsome and has a sweet gig at the United Nations. So she decides to try to win him back. With "Sex and the City" as her inspiration, Liz proposes they meet on the Brooklyn Bridge over the weekend if they want to give things another try (and ends the call to his office by hilariously asking to be transferred to the Italian consulate to "mak-a da prank phone call-a").

They both end up being at the bridge Saturday, except with Liz leans in and seductively asks, "Waiting for someone?", it's not Stuart's ear she whispers into, it's a small child's! Stuart witnesses the scene, drops his bouquet of roses and storms off. Alas, another one bites the dust for Liz.

But things looks promising for Jack in the love department. After receiving his clean bill of health, he returns home and plants a big, romantic kiss on Elisa. Looks like Selma will be hanging out for a few more eps!