Numb3rs: Magic Show (Episode 506)

We begin at a magic show which shouldn’t be successful.  Reason number one, the magician, Susanna, is gratingly fake.  Reason number two, both Susanna and her assistant, Talma, spend way more time gesticulating with their arms than necessary.  It’s actually distracting and not in a good way.  Reason number 3 is one that involves vocabulary.

Finally, the last reason is a fairly complicated trick, where Talma is teleported into a tube, surrounded by swirling rose petals, only to disappear when it’s filled with water.  Afterwards, she’s supposed to reappear, like “the mermaids of legend” (complete with a whole bunch of arm swooshing by Susanna which either indicates the inability to be interesting without wild gestures or the flimsiest imitation of the backstroke, ever).  There’s just one problem.

The gestures get a lot less dramatic, each time Talma doesn’t appear.  In a panic, Susanna orders the curtain be shut.  As if that isn’t enough of a clue that something’s off, she then shouts that someone should call 911.

Speaking of things that are off, David, who rushes off to help, was in the audience with a date – who is <i>not Claudia.  Granted, it’s been a while since we’ve seen her, so somewhere along the way, I figured they drifted apart.  Of course, there’s the whole dealing with a serial killer at work over on Dexter that might be a hindrance to this relationship.  Now, the idea of David on a date, and willing to help beautiful women in peril, is not surprising.  It’s his date’s reaction to him at one point that with which I take issue.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Alan looks like he’d rather be guillotined than be forced to wear a Celtics jersey, but since he was silly enough to make a bet with his youngest, he earned his fate.

While the rest of his family is either gloating or suffering, Don takes the opportunity to have a heart to heart with Larry.  You know what’s weird: me typing that Don’s having a heart to heart with Larry.  I may be blanking, but I don’t believe that’s ever happened before.  

What Don wants to know hearkens back to last week’s surprise ending: did Larry learn anything while he lived in a monastery?  “I remind you I was thrown out of that monastery.” Larry replies.  

Just as Don is about to tell Larry all about last week’s trip to the temple, David calls.  I love how Don sounds all shocked to be hearing from his agent while he’s out on a date.  Considering the number of times a phone call has ruined Don’s dates, this should be expected by now amongst the Fedcakes.

Since Don is heading to the Tower of Mystery, Larry, who is all excited, has to tag along.  Charlie, who is all “Magic WTF? You know how I feel about shit like this” also has to come along because we wouldn’t have a plot otherwise.

Tower of Magic:  After David explains what’s happened, and Larry goes on about the symbolism of a woman “transposed from air to water” Charlie reminds us this isn’t flipping Harry Potter and this is some big stunt.  He believes Talma is just hiding under the stage.  It takes less than a minute and one threat about prison, for the stagehand to turn on the not so amazing Susanna, and reveal the trapdoor.

The problem is that the trapdoor doesn’t reveal Talma.  It reveals blood spatter that would even impress Dexter.  Ew.

Title Flash.

After the not so amazing Susanna decides to call for what I hope is her amazing lawyer to get her out of this shithole, David rushes out to find his date.  This leaves Charlie and Larry to discuss ways of determining if the blood spatter is really spattered, or just part of a really gross illusion.  

In a weird moment, Larry takes getting some blood on his hand a lot better than I thought he would.  I figured screaming and gnashing of teeth would be involved.

While Larry is off searching for some latex gloves and some serious disinfectants, Penn Jillette arrives to fanboy Charlie.  Charlie has no idea who Penn Jillette is.

He’s read everything math genius has written, including the infamous book, and the original paper the on which the book was based.  Wow, is it just me, or was magic performed right in front of our eyes?  In the short span of time between the original paper’s publication, and the book, Penn Jillette was able to find and read the paper, plus find it more relevant than the book that gave all the practical applications to the theory?  Yeah, I call bullshit on that line.

Charlie feels the need to give the magician some sort of recognition, in the form of this week’s NPAL™, “You work with the other guy, right?  I like the white tigers.”  Wow, both and inaccurate and a cringe worthy reference rolled up into one.

Without blinking, Penn Jillette manages to actually impress Charlie.  “I could never get Feynman to go to Vegas either.”  I swear, whenever this show needs something impressive mathematically, they always drop Feynman’s name.   

Afterwards, he pwns Charlie by wanting to talk to him about a paper he didn’t write.  It’s got some really long name to it, and after using the ultimate in research tools (Google), this is the best I could come up with.   It’s all about how conflicting information confuses us – which is sort of like this moment and OMG the meta is making my head explode.

The magician leaves but only after offering his assistance, because, you know, he might have a clue about magic.

Outside David finds his date, Sarah, who is cold because he ditched her to help find the missing magician.  Hold on?  She’s annoyed because, while out on a date, he chooses to help when someone asks for it and she won’t give him another chance?  She’s all passive aggressive with the whole calling a cab herself and refusing to give him another shot because someone else might be in physical danger?  She even kisses him, in what I read to be a look-at-what-you’re-missing-buddy moment, even though she’s the one who picked the magic show?  

David, you could so do better.

When reporters swarm David, he stays all professional and refuses to comment.  That’s great because we all know how pissed off Don can get when people talk to the press without his permission.

IHOF:  Nikki and Colby go over that Talma Nolastname doesn’t leave much of a paper trail but does fake a lot of emergencies in the name of art.  They include not being buried or burned alive.  If we go along with the whole elements thing which was so impressive to Larry, why didn’t she not die while attempting to fly?

Anyway, Nikki clearly scoffs at magic so at least Charlie will have one less person to convince.

Oh yes, not only does Don get pissed off when you talk to the press, but also when you don’t.  On the other hand, maybe it’s because no one’s certain a crime actually happened, but at least agent Harry Potter (David) was on the scene.

Although, I do have to disagree with Guildenstern and Nikki encouraging David to try again with Sarah, since he could do so much better.  He already has, in the past.

Cal Sci:  We get different points of view on magic.  Charlie hates it.  Amita loves being tricked (like Feynman if we believe Penn Jillette from earlier) and Larry likes it too.  While Charlie is more than happy to toss a wet blanket on their enthusiasm, Amita refuses.  I’m more interested on someone getting Charlie some throat lozenges because he sounds like he’s got the worst sore throat in history.

IHOF:  The blood is Talma’s and they quickly eliminate Susanna as a suspect because people tend to like making money and Talma was Susanna’s meal ticket.  Plus, not one person from their past popped as a likely suspect, leaving Nikki to grasp tighter to her belief that this is one big publicity stunt.  I’m with Nikki on this one.

Charlie’s there to provide Don, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern with the information that the blood spatter was actually spattered as opposed to spilt or tossed or some other gross verb.  We get a Charlie-vision comparing it to how to know if it’s rained or if someone’s left the hose on.  I keep waiting for him to say sprinkler as that would be a neat little meta reference to how this little mid-season replacement that could began.  

As Charlie heads off to consult with an expert (aka, this week’s stunt casting, Penn Jillette), even Don jumps on the second date bandwagon, encouraging David to take some flowers over to Sarah.  Excuse me, but since when does David need to apologize for this?  Plus, who takes dating advice from Don?

Not Sarah’s Apartment:  David takes a lovely bouquet and the television smiting gods take another swipe at my fictional best pal, as it is clear Sarah played him.  A little old couple really lives there, and Sarah could die in a hole for all I care.  In fact, I may need to take drastic action.

IHOF:  Things only get worse because David has to share his embarrassment with the rest of the Fedcakes.  They realize that Sarah was clearly trying to set up a cop as she picked David up in a cop bar (called The Howling Dog).  While Don hopes she was pretty, Nikki is the one to offer support.  They work so hard, a night out is a good thing.  At least the show had the presence of mind to keep Colby from commenting as this one was accidental.  Colby’s gaff a few weeks ago was intentional.

Tower of Mystery:  Penn Jillette is behaving a lot like Bill Nye the Science Guy would if he was in this eppesode.  First, he gives a bit of history about how Houdini liked to expose frauds, then exposits a little on artisans– the people who actually build tricks like the Talma-swallowing Aquarius – and their secrecy, only to finish with a demonstration of what used to be a feature trick is now commonplace, with hydrophobic sand.   This gives me an inspired idea.

All they can do now is reverse engineer Aquarius to find out who built it.

IHOF:  The not so amazing Susanna proves how big of a patsy she really is.  She doesn’t know how the trick worked.  She doesn’t know the name of David’s date, and Talma’s left her holding the bag – without any metaphorical rabbits to pull out of it.  All she has to offer is the name of Talma’s ex – Garland St. Michael – which is either a stage name or he had parents who loathed him, who might’ve helped Talma with the ultimate disappearing act.

Miraculous Michael’s Miraculous Room:  Garland is possibly more fake than Susanna, which is miraculous on its own.  He’s also pretty sure Talma isn’t really missing, because she goes with the standard trick, whereas he’s more of a self-sadist.  He’s one of those magicians that should be institutionalized because they think torturing themselves is art.  Although, he’s probably gained a new respect for Talma because when Nikki reveals about the blood in the box, Garland responds “Talma would literally bleed for a trick.”

None of this is particularly miraculous, so why do I call this place as such?

Math Garage:  There’s a whole bunch on Larry’s metaphor about a woman symbolizing reverse evolution, but Charlie’s on my side; it’s a nod to the elements.  The problem is that air is missing from the equation, so now they’ve got to find that.

Larry heads inside to put on the kettle, to find Don musing over an uneaten dinner.  Geez Don, just call Robin, will you?  Seriously, this moping thing isn’t cool.  Go back to thinking about your standards: sex, work or food.

Anyway, this gives Larry the chance to finish saying what he said earlier.  Either the universe was cast by God, or the universe is all inclusive and God isn’t in it.  He’s forgetting the third option that God is hanging out somewhere in the universe and science hasn’t located him yet.  Thus, Larry’s work has always been intertwined with the search for God.  The point isn’t to find him.  The point is to keep looking for the point.

“That’s what the rabbi said,” Don responds, just in time for Alan to walk by.  Since everyone has to go back to work, Alan doesn’t have time to discuss the rabbi development with his oldest.  That’s got to be coming later.

IHOF:  Nikki’s found the trucks that delivered Aquarius, but not the maker.  She’s also found a store on Hollywood Boulevard that was rented by a dummy corp obviously owned by Talma and Susanna that’s going to have a whole bunch of party things delivered to it.  Sounds like part two of the trick is going to be done as publically as possible.

Hollywood Boulevard:  Colby and Nikki are sent to investigate and find that the store will be “opening soon.”  Once inside, Colby comments, “Come on now, does it really need to be this dark?”  I ask another important question.

When Nikki mocks him for it, Colby assures her that he was “top of my class in pitch black assaults on magical illusions back at Quantico.”  I’m pretty sure that if pretty magician’s assistants were involved, Colby would’ve definitely paid attention.  I hope no one told him about missing out on the strip club last week.

They find success; a word which here means a dead Talma in another version of Aquarius.  

Talma didn’t die from the blood loss, she died of drowning, since they suspect she was knocked out (due to a crack in the glass) and the failsafe handle being detached and wiped down.  

Cal Sci:  They take a break from figuring out how Talma was to fly (fill in your own angel joke here) and work on how freaking strong the glass needs to be to fill up so quickly and not go all exploded-y on the audience.  Nothing ruins a show like severe facial lacerations.  There’s a lot of numbers involved, and I’m just going to jump straight to the conclusion.  This is one time Home Depot can’t help.

IHOF:  There are only two places on the planet that can help and Nikki’s managed to track down where one of the factories – an Ünverglassen in Germany – sent a bunch of the special glass to a place in Burbank.

Nikki got the job finding the glass, while Colby got to research the tall drink of water (okay, pun intended) that was Talma, and manages to stumble across David’s completely unworthy date.  She was the sister of the last magician Talma worked with, Drowndini – as Colby calls him. Duh duh dun!

Artisan’s Workshop:  The artisan in question is Gage Jones, and Penn Jillette is just as excited to be in his workshop as he was to meet Charlie.  Because there’s no point in having an eppesode about magic without lots of fun magic being performed, we get the demonstration of a guillotine with Larry as the victim.

“It’s a far better thing I do than I have ever done,” Larry quotes, in a horrific British accent.  Yes, Sydney Carton, it is.

Speaking of literary allusions, let me combine it with a simile that explains what I was thinking, watching Penn Jillette escort Nikki, Charlie and Larry through the workshop.

When Charlie explains that angles creates the illusion of the guillotine, Penn Jillette demonstrates the Kafka box, to make Larry metamorphosize, but into thin air, not a cockroach.

In all seriousness, Gage can’t believe Talma simply drowned.  She must’ve been murdered.  Considering how his life is about misdirection, I’m figuring his quick jump of topics from Jenny’s visit with Talma (Jenny being Sarah’s real name) to the idea Talma was murdered, was just to put ideas into the heads of those around him.  He may not be a magician, but he builds the tricks, making him the most skilled out of all of them when it comes to hiding the truth.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Don’s come over to watch hockey, thus adding more evidence to my theory that Don is secretly a Canadian.

Alan is clearly suffering from some sort of internal turmoil, and offers to help Don in his search for whatever it is he was looking for at temple.  Don’s okay, which was not the answer Alan wanted.  So while this isn’t put right, I am relieved to see something else put right.

Stakeout:  Nikki and David are sitting outside Jenny’s apartment when Nikki delivers the most snarktastic, hilarious and truthful line in the entire eppesode.  “I know I’m still new and all but is this status quo for you guys? … Stalking girls on company time?”  Oh Nikki, you have no idea how truthful that’s been over the last few seasons.  It may not always have been stalking, but definitely some inappropriate stuff going on.  

When Jenny pulls up, I do not understand why they don’t wait for her to get out of the car because once she’s confronted by David, she pulls out of there like a rocket.  There’s a great moment where I thought they were going to play chicken, but Jenny’s smarter than I gave her credit for, and she drives in reverse only to literally back herself into a corner.  While Nikki arrests Jenny, she compliments David on his taste.  Wow, if Jenny impresses you, Nikki, you should’ve seen his last girlfriend.  I even hear Claudia has a twin out there somewhere.

IHOF:  Crocodile tears alert!  Jenny weeps over her brother’s foolish death.  She weeps over Talma’s injuries (she hit a piece of metal, slicing her leg open). She weeps over not killing Talma.  She weeps over her betrayal of David.  Okay, perhaps I’m over dramatizing things as despite her weepy sounding voice, she doesn’t mess up her makeup by even squeezing out one tear.  

Whatever, Jenny, you’ve lost any chance of having some sympathy from me, but Don’s way more forgiving than I am.  He thinks Jenny genuinely likes David.  All right, Don may be right because what’s not to like about David?  The difference is that she isn’t good enough for my BFFedcake.

Store:  At the site of the second part of Aquarius, Charmita and Larry discover there were fewer pipes to fill up the tank than there was at the Tower of Mystery.  That means the pressure would be greater and the solution to this mystery.

IHOF:  The findings indicate that not only was Talma not murdered, but also the crack in the glass had nothing to do with Talma’s hard head.  Instead, it was a sledgehammer trying to get her out.  This is good as considering how hard the glass needed to be, Talma’s head would’ve been pudding if it’d made that crack.  In short, the devices and safety devices that made up the trick failed.  I guess it wasn’t the Age of Aquarius.

Amita explains how they came to this realization using reverse engineering via a staple.  Considering how long an explanation she gives of how a staple works, I’m surprised we don’t get some cool graphics to go along with it.

Artisan’s Workshop:  At least, I think it’s the artisan’s workshop because some of the shapes look like the set dressing we had earlier.  When Colby asks if magicians are anti-track lighting, I wonder if this show is too.

Gage tried to hide in the Kafka box we saw earlier but since Nikki knows the trick, she can perform the reappearing artisan for her two assistants, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

Unlike Larry, who only got to be part of the demonstration, Gage does turn into a cockroach.  He was more than willing to let Jenny go to prison just so it was never revealed that his trick went wrong.  All his confessing to trying to save her doesn’t make up for not reporting it.  “Nobody buys illusions that kill you for real,” Gage whines.  Well, Gage, let me explain to you that if you’re trying to look dead and then the trick really kills you, it’s not an illusion.

BTW, I’m just grateful he didn’t have the same problems with other tricks otherwise Larry Fleinhardt and Sydney Carton would’ve had the same fate.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Alan can’t let Don’s personal decision to visit the temple go, until he has his say.  He butters Don up first, by feeding him (but Mom’s was better), only to confess his real issue.  He’s afraid since religion wasn’t a part of Don’s like growing up, that perhaps, as a parent, he robbed his son of something important.  

Don confesses that he’s just missing something.  Yeah, well I’m missing Robin, so since Don’s on a search for something, how about he looks for her along the way.

Once the seriousness is over, Alan reminds him that whoever doesn’t do the cooking does the dishes.  As Don thinks, for once, the answers to this problem might be in his phone; Alan reminds him who the father is in this house.

Store:  Back with the various pieces of Aquarius, Amita wants to show Charlie what she sees in magic.  What she doesn’t see is the trick, and she doesn’t believe in actual magic either.  What she does love, is the sheer beauty of a trick done right.  She climbs up into Aquarius and flies surrounded by rose petals.  Her enthusiasm and joy in the trick, doesn’t cause Charlie be any more favourable towards magic, just more open to its beauty.

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