Numb3rs: Jack Of All Trades (Episode 504)

Okay, I hate it when the opening grid gives me false hope.  *sad face*

We begin in the middle of an operation.  I hear the dulcet tones of David, as we watch some guy eat a sandwich from the POV of a sniper.  Okay, I’m five seasons into Numb3rs and there’s one important detail I’d like to point out about snipers.

There are a number of things that I find surprising about this particular operation.  I’ll list them, in order:

1. The perp is able to get away when the only advantages he had was a baby monitor and a sandwich.  He’s a bloody MacGyver!
2. I’m genuinely thrilled to see Liz.
3. Colby – who reverted to dumb guy last week – says something really wise (about the perp being just a simple conman).
4. The Fonz is leading an operation that involves the Secret Service, US Marshalls, the LAPD and the Fedcakes. 

The direction of this operation is really trippy.  Things speed up, slow down, and then get all tilty.  At the end of it all, I’m feeling a wee bit hungry.  On the other hand there are about 15 potential nominations for the best shot of guns drawn category for the Nummy Awards.

The Fonz isn’t willing to give up.  He’ll call in the dogs, tear the place apart and if that doesn’t work, his head will explode.  Okay, I added that last part but it certainly seems that way.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Just when I thought I had the geography of the house down, I’m left confused by what looks to be Alan sitting to the right of the front door (as opposed to the left when one enters) and the dining room slightly off from where I remember it from last week.  At first, I think I must be having some after effects of the last scene but then I see what I always use as the equivalent of the North Star to position myself.

Sorry, I guess I should talk about what happens.  Larry keeps Charlie from looking at an FBI file the way one would stop a junkie from taking a hit of whatever was involved in the filming of the first scene.  Alan’s upset over some park development and I’m starting to think the house is a lot like the Room of Requirement – moving as the filming sees fit.

Operation Site:  A thorough search of the house and a review of the video surveillance reveal that MacGyver (who is wanted for pilfering over 10 million) has vanished through the most ingenious way possible – imitating a Fedcake. In a mathematical concept I understand, Don, David and The Fonz count sixteen agents coming out of the house when only fifteen went in.

Title Flash.

IHOF:  I utterly and absolutely refuse to call the perp in this case “George Bailey” the nickname given to him by The Fonz and his team.  I don’t dare if he is the nicest guy in all recorded history.  I love It’s a Wonderful Life.  I am that person who insists on watching it every Christmas season.    Plus, this is much more Catch Me If You Can with MacGyver’s ability to effortlessly imitate anyone from any profession only to rob them blind afterwards.

The way The Fonz sees it, this guy must be working for somebody bigger.  Colby rolls his eyes a little at all the certainties when they don’t even have a picture of MacGyver and it’s really nice to see Colby back to the smart guy we met last season instead of the moron who emerged last week.

The briefing is interrupted because Don sees Twitter wandering by.  Hopefully, Twitter’s on his way to hand in his resignation because he feels terribly about being an asshole.  Well, I’m not that lucky, am I?  Nope, Twitter’s recommended that Don be disciplined (not like that) for his behaviour in the Crystal Hoyle and Clay Porter cases.  He also recommends that Charlie not be given back his clearance.

Don insists that not taking Charlie back would be a serious detriment to the FBI, but Twitter points out that it was Don who tied his fate with Charlie’s.  Ooh, that Twitter is really playing dirty.  First, he’s clear about it being about both Don and Charlie.   Next, he twists everyone’s words around but this tactic is the cruelest of them all.

Plus, Twitter’s already submitted his report so now it’s all in the hands of TPTB – the Fedcake PTB and the actual PTB to determine where this storyline goes next.

Operation Site:  Liz is creeped out by the <i>Better Homes and Gardens</i> look to MacGyver’s house.  I’m creeped out by how much I love having Liz back. Considering how I’ve felt about her in the past, it’s a complete one-eighty for me.

David and Liz interview the neighbour, who is one of the worst guest actresses they’ve ever had on the show.  She’s much more the quality I would see at a community theatre than I’d expect on Numb3rs.  She keeps the same tone, and same pacing for the entire brief scene she’s in.  Fortunately, all she has to tell us is that MacGyver’s girlfriend, Kelly Rand, was briefcase number 11 and is now working on some other show.  

Cal Sci:  Charlie’s worried about Alan’s reaction to the building site on the old park, but Don arrives with a whole new set of worries for him: Twitter’s anti-recommendation.  While the brothers Eppes are saddened by the news, it’s Amita, the wondrous vessel of foreshadowing reminds them that not all recommendations are followed.  Amita understands that the show would be over if not only did Don and Charlie not work together but also Don left the FBI.

His mind on work (because Robin isn’t in this eppesode so he’d better not be thinking about sex – although food is a fine alternative) , Don asks Amita to help him with the current case. I love how Don turns immediately to the rest of Charlie’s Scooby gang when he needs help.  This is definitely a cry of “please pass this along to my baby brother but don’t officially tell me about it!”  I guess someone forgot to tell Larry about that super!secret code at the beginning of this eppesode.

Talent Agency:  David and Liz try to contact Kelly Rand, only to have her manager go into immediate damage control mode.  This just adds to the mystery because Kelly Rand is involved with someone in the office, named Ryan.  Ooh, the plot thickens.

IHOF:  MacGyver’s ingenuity knows no bounds as he was able to get himself hired by the talent agency and never turn in his paperwork for a background check.  He never got around to having his picture taken for his security badge either.  Okay, this isn’t really ingenuity.  This is Hollywood; they don’t care how fake their people are.

In a hilarious moment, the Manager asks Colby if he every thought of a life in front of the camera.  This is the second woman in two weeks to openly hit on Guildenstern, which is far more believable than the three and a half seasons where no one really noticed how drool worthy he was and how Megan had to get him a date.

While Amita is going through MacGyver’s computer, Larry is trying to figure out the pattern in the target choices.  While Larry implies Charlie would be more useful in this analysis, I have a better suggestion.  You know who would be good at predicting behaviour?  How about a Behavioural Analyst?  I could suggest one but she’s on the East Coast where Numb3rs sends all their female characters after they leave the show.  (And where they’d better not be planning to send Robin; therapy is expensive, Nick and Cheryl, and I have no trouble making you two pay for mine!)

MacGyver wasn’t successful in getting any money from the agency, which leads the Fedcakes to believe he’ll be back for a payoff.

“Sounds like I oughta cancel my plans for tonight, huh?”  Colby groans.

“Yeah, right, Granger, like you had any plans anyway,” Liz snarks back.  She gets both an ouch and a hee at the same time for that bit of hilarity.  

La Maison d’Eppes:  Alan reveals what’s really upsetting him about the new development. It’s not the parking lot or the idea of the development; it’s the building over of his park.  He’s been examining all sorts of maps and plans to support his theory, which I would really like to look at, but can’t because of the desire of the show to make as small a carbon footprint as possible by barely using any lights!

Club Hopping:  With the help of the Manager, Liz, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are out watching for MacGyver.  I think the Manager thinks “helping” translates to “hitting on Colby as often as possible.”  

Colby finally makes it clear that “the bureau frowns pretty heavily on fraternizing with potential witnesses.”  David has to hold in his laughter.  I don’t have to since no one on the television can hear me.

From a distance, the Manager recognizes MacGyver’s jacket, thus ensues a chase through LA traffic, where the Fedcakes and the perp are on foot.  I don’t know how someone didn’t wind up as road rash, considering what I know of LA drivers, but Colby comes close a few times.  The problem is that MacGyver gave his jacket to somebody else, leading to the return of one of my favourite characters.

Stealing a bus, MacGyver manages to escape but it isn’t this moment of brilliance that makes this my favourite scene of the eppesode.  Nope, it’s when Liz is asked to take a picture of a drunk girl and her friend (which they’ll probably use to post on Facebook, only to wonder later why no one hires girls who post drunken pictures of themselves on Facebook), Liz, instead, takes the camera to get a shot of MacGyver.

IHOF:  Liz’s moment of brilliance is ruined by the flash and the techies can’t do anything about it.

Amita’s got some more useful information as MacGyver spent a lot of time going through social security numbers, which seems to confirm The Fonz’s theory that he’s working with a big gang, somewhere.

Larry’s found out that Liz’s photography skills are not major suckage because there’s a “non-linear warping” image on some metal piece of the bus.

Cue the Larry vision!  It’s all about how old-time astronomers didn’t have the perspective to calculate how far away things were.  It’s all very cool imagery but it gives me a bit of a flashback.

Alan’s Park:  Charlie’s product placement Prius pulls up, giving us a good family moment.  Alan’s so anti the development because he helped design the park they’re tearing down.  It was built just after the LA riots, and it was really Charlie’s mother’s idea (while she was pregnant with boy genius), making it doubly sentimental for Alan.  Plus, a famous basketball player learned to play there.  Now I know nothing about basketball and I tried googling the guy’s name and nothing substantial came up.  Anyway, Alan is proud to say this (potentially) fictional basketball player started his journey to fictional greatness there.  

For me, I’m also sentimental about this park as I’m sure it’s the same one where they filmed the most squee-filled eppesode (for me) ever, “Checkmate,” which relaunched my OTP.  The sad part is, I recognized the picnic tables.  (I’m sorry, is it a crime to relive the squee?)

IHOF:  Kelly Rand is being interviewed and gives us another nice guy version of MacGyver.  She was a foster care kid and her boyfriend wanted to know all about her troubled past.  The conclusion is that since Kelly Rand is a crappy actress, and doesn’t seem to care about all the crimes her boyfriend has committed, she must have a heart of stone.

Bus:  Larry and Charmita are examining MacGyver’s getaway bus, trying to figure out the exact calculations they need to transform the funhouse picture into a recognizable human face.  According to Amita, Charlie’s being used because Larry couldn’t carry the dummy that they were given for the task. We all know it really their way of letting Charlie feel like he’s still involved or as Larry puts it “couldn’t bear to watch you pout.”

Charlie contradicts Larry by saying he isn’t pouting. Well, at this moment Charlie, yes you are, and I think Larry was describing your attitude of the entire season, not just this eppesode.  Anyway, all Charlie wants is a decision.

IHOF:  Don is watching The Fonz and Twitter talk.  The entire time, I keep thinking that Don’s really trying to push Twitter out a window just by using the power of his brain.

Liz, who has been around long enough to understand the dynamics, gets Don to open up about what’s going on.  I’m perfectly fine with this as she stays far enough out of his personal space for me not to feel my OTP is in danger, thus causing me to go into rampaging-rabid-recapper mode.  Don confesses that he’s worried that if he no longer works with Charlie, the bond they’ve developed since the beginning of the series will disappear.

When Liz tells him that theory is bullshit, I applaud.  I just wish she could’ve phrased it that way.

It’s at that moment when the call comes in about the decision from TPTB.

Cal Sci:  Amita and Larry are working away in Larry’s office when he has a “moment of contemplation.”  It’s all about the uncertainty he has over the direction their heading, when Charlie arrives.  He’s there to ask if they’d like some food, or his advice on the case please can he help, please, please.  

It’s all very weird because we start with the case, continue with Charlie, have Larry hide some liquid holding container under his jacket, and then Alan shows up with news that he plans to organize a protest against the destruction of the park and Amita offers to be a rabble rouser.  Sure it’s a whole bunch of storylines converging in one scene, which culminates with Charlie being informed that TPTB have made a decision.  Ironically, I’m not the least bit worried about the decision; I’m only curious about one thing.

IHOF:  Charlie arrives and is greeted with a round of applause, from both the Fedcakes and the audience because this might mean we’ve seen the end of Twitter.  It’s not that I ever doubted Charlie getting his clearance back, but I wanted my show back on an even keel as quickly as possible.  Don even gives Charlie’s (temporary) pass beck to him, giving us another definite Nummy Award nomination for best Brothers’ scene.

Charlie’s put to work immediately, even finishing the correction of the distorted image Larry and Amita were working on.

The problem is there’s no match in the DMV records of MacGyver’s face but David saves the day!  Kelly talked about foster care as if MacGyver was interested in it more than just appearing sensitive to get into her pants and, voila!  MacGyver is really Kevin Oliver and he’s only 18 years old.  Frank Abagnale would be proud.

Foster Home:  Foster Mother is really keen on young Kevin, even though he probably talked a lot of kids into getting into trouble on his behalf, because he was so charming.  He’d been adopted at birth, only to have his adopted parents killed in a car crash.  I smell a set up to feel really, really sorry for this kid.

IHOF:  Everyone’s being brilliant this week, but I find it odd that The Fonz’s obsession doesn’t diminish slightly over learning he’s been chasing a kid for the past two years.  Anyway, the brilliance comes from David who figures out that the reason Kevin’s been easier to find this time is that he really has fallen for Kelly – due to their similar backgrounds.  He’s even willing to risk having his photo taken by the paparazzi or Lizarrazi, in order to stay near her.

La Maison d’Eppes:  Alan’s on the phone trying to organize his protest while I’m finally saying enough with the saving the environment through bad lighting!  I’m going to start a petition on that important subject!  How can I admire Charlie’s adorkableness if I can barely see him?  I even have the final proof I need to demonstrate the complete craptasticness of the lighting over the past year.

If you know how to start an online petition, please tell me in the comments.

Just as Charlie admits that all his lip service about doing something other than working with the Fedcakes was a load of crap, Don arrives making Charlie put his security clearance back to work by figuring out which Eastern European syndicate Kevin is working for.

Charlie instantly goes into an analogy using the networks covering election night as an example of how belief propagation works.  I wish he’d develop a time machine to go back to 2000 and explain it to Fox and CNN.  

He can use the same math to find out who Kevin is working for and rushes off, I’m assuming, to the math garage to get started.

Alan takes the opportunity to discuss how Don feels about Charlie getting his clearance back.  Don’s not as happy as I Alan would like him to be.  Oh no, Twitter’s getting to Don via psychological means!

Kelly Rand’s House:  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are on a stakeout.  David’s been up all night following the development of a media whore, and just as he’s about to go home to get some sleep, Kelly leaves her house, despite having just recently arriving home from being out all night.  

They follow her to what looks to be the former set of Baywatch, but I don’t want to research through that many shots of Pamela Anderson’s boobs to make sure I’m telling the truth.  Colby’s left with the job of following her because David’s been less than inconspicuous with both his Super!David antics and interviewing skills.

As the couple meet up, Colby, complete with rolled up jeans and dorky loser voice, approaches them asking if they’ve seen his dog, Skip.  Colby hands a picture of Kevin, to Kevin, just as David walks up behind the perp.

IHOF:  The Fonz is talking to Twitter, yet again, making me wonder what is going on between those two.  When Don informs The Fonz that Kevin was arrested, Twitter snarks, “Just don’t ask what he did to get him.  You don’t want to know.”  Thus, Twitter sets a new Numb3rs record for subsequent NPALs™.  It’s his third.  Why does he get it?  Don’s running the case by the book, and yet Twitter is implying otherwise.  It doesn’t say much for all of Twitter’s claims that nothing is personal, does it?

Don tells Twitter to go to hell, or at least, that’s what I wish he said, but Twitter won’t quit.  Twitter was that little kid who spent all his time whining about how life isn’t fair, wasn’t he?

Sitting in the interview room, Kevin talks to The Fonz the way Leo did to Tom Hanks in the movie this eppesode is constantly alluding to.  Kevin’s relieved to be caught and he goes on about finding his identity amongst all the false ones he’s created.  Plus, Kevin understands how The Fonz is going to miss chasing him all over the country.

Things go from congenial to denial when Don throws out the number 9.8 million, when Kevin insists all he committed was petty theft.  The Fonz gives a whole bunch of huge numbers totaling the amounts Kevin has allegedly stolen but either The Fonz is lying or I’m succumbing to Kevin’s charm as I don’t think this kid has it in him.  He even denies working with anyone, and Don even believes him, which is why I don’t feel like a sucker.  As Don watches The Fonz drag Kevin out of the interview by his collar, Don and I have a scary realization.

Math Garage:  This scene solidifies the two themes running throughout this eppesode.  The first is to always question your motives and behaviour.  The second is that not finding something can be as valuable as finding something.  Alan’s reassessed his motives, realizing the redevelopment of the park is a good idea.  

As for the case, Charlie’s not found anything connecting Kevin to anything other than the minor thefts.  

Detention Centre:  Colby and Liz have gone to interview Kevin, who has managed to escape federal detention by pretending to be a lawyer.  This kid may be a criminal but he’s all sorts of awesome.

IHOF:  Charlie, Larry and Amita, while looking for the actual thief, have found another pattern.  All the businesses Kevin targets had employees with similar social security numbers.  All of the numbers correspond to women ages 38-46, leading the Fedcakes to believe Kevin was looking for his birth mother.

A quick camera zoom brings us to the interview with Kelly Rand, who denies knowing where Kevin is.  Same shit, different day, Colby believes.  Liz comes in, demonstrating to Kelly what actual acting looks like, by saying they found Kevin’s mother and sending Kelly on the way.  While I can tell, Kelly doesn’t recognize that the perfume Liz is wearing is Eau de Setup.

There’s a zoom down to the street, leaving me with the same dizzy sort of feeling from the beginning.  Kevin’s mother exits the building, watched carefully be a sequel to a famous play.

Kevin pulls up in a taxi, but the ruse is quickly caught because the writers aren’t making anyone be stupid this week.  (Yay!)  What’s surprising is that Kevin isn’t caught because of the well-executed plan.  He’s caught because he wants to have a moment to look at his mother.  The Fonz just wants to lock Kevin up someplace he won’t be able to walk out of, but Don has some sympathy.  Essentially, Kevin is a messed up kid trying to gain all this attention to find his mother.

Don and The Fonz go for a walk when the truth of the investigation is revealed.  The first company Kevin stole from was The Fonz’s sister’s software company.  Hold on – let me get this straight.  So The Fonz, launched an investigation, which included actually stealing some money himself, to set up a guy who once slighted his sister?  

“This guy keeps getting away with everything.  He’s laughing at us.  You saw him in interrogation; he’s making us look like idiots.  He’s making me look like an idiot,” The Fonz explains how he could’ve retired, but didn’t because of his desire to catch Kevin.  The Fonz did whatever he had to do, including taking money he never intended on spending, “to get the job done.”  Maybe it’s the trippiness of the filming at the beginning, but I’m a little confused.  

Zoom back upstairs, where we get, what I hope, is the last Twitter scene of the season.  Don’s filed a report about The Fonz’s behaviour and now Twitter has a new bone to chew on.  “I’m trying to figure out which side of the line you stand on,” Twitter tells him.

“Well, maybe if the line stopped moving, Carl, I could tell you,” Don replies.  It’s a weird exchange that does the impossible.

Admitting that he’s one of the old guard, Twitter ponders whether or not, Don and his not so always crystal clean (pun intended) ways are the future, just before giving Don the official clearance back for Charlie.  It’s not preachy or self-righteous; it’s just a question that Don, and the audience, will need to work out for themselves.

La Maison d’Eppes:  In an attempt to cheer up Alan over the impending destruction of his park, Charlie, Amita and Larry, have hatched a plan.  

Alan’s help will be needed to help with the new Mechanical Engineering Building, which is meant to be as eco-friendly as possible.  (Plus, Alan’s services come at a discount because he’s technically a Cal Sci student.)  You know who else would be good at helping with that building?  Ray-Ray.  I’d like like to see see Ray-Ray again again.

Don arrives with the officially official security pass for Charlie.  Gloating a little over Twitter’s loss, Charlie suggests celebrating with a beer.  Don refuses.

Hold on?  Don Eppes refused a beer?!  Is he ill?  Is he dying?  All is not right in the world, even if Robin is still Don’s girlfriend (which she’d better remain, PTB), if he refuses a beer!  I’m confused and disoriented.  The beginning was nothing as jarring as a shock of this magnitude!  OMGWTF SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

Math Garage:  Alan’s gone to find out what’s wrong.  Alan will fix this.  I have to have faith in this.  The first reassuring thing is that when Alan gives Don the beer, he takes it.  Afterwards, Alan assures him, that Don’s guilt will always be there to get the better of him.  It’s Alan’s way of telling his eldest, and the audience, that Twitter was wrong – Don does have his own boundaries, even if they are much more personal than the rules and regulations as set out by the FBI.

Sure, it’s reassuring, but I don’t think this storyline is over, not by a longshot.

Recapper's Note:  I'd like to welcome a new Ninja!  Ninja 1 (who has been a great help to me on several occasions) just gave birth to Sprocket (yes, the baby has an internet handle) yesterday!  Congratulations Ninja 1!  Also: