Supernatural: Yellow Fever (Episode 406)

Scared Dean is scared.

THEN: Dean went to Hell.  Lilith was a scary little kid.  Sam had demon blood in him.  Katie Cassidy was mediocre, but in light of recent events I’m going to say that she was FANTASTIC.  I’m not even the least bit ashamed of how inappropriately excited I was pnto see her in this montage.  If you need me, I’ll be drawing hearts around her name with glitter pen in my Lisa Frank notebook.

NOW: Dean is running down a street, in a suit and tie no less.  We can hear the parking and snarling of dogs closing in behind him.  He turns the corner, runs into a homeless man’s carriage, and falls over it.  The homeless man looks at him and Dean looks at whatever has been chasing him before saying “Run!  It’ll kill you!”  The camera pans down and we see that the ferocious beast chasing Dean is…a Yorkie!  And not just any Yorkie, but a Yorkie with an adorable pink bow in its hair!  I wonder if it pees when it’s nervous.  Dean looks like he’s about to lose his shit, and takes off running again.  His scream echoes in the night.

WINGS.  TITLE.

The Impala pulls up to a morgue in Rock Ridge, CO, 43 hours before the Yorkie incident.  Inside, a pathologist introduces the boys to the corpse of Frank O’Brian.  Frank died of a heart attack, even though he was fairly young and in good health.  What makes this even stranger is that two other seeming healthy men dropped dead from heart attacks in the area just the day before.  Sam and Dean ask the pathologist to perform an autopsy, and we’re forced to watch him slice open the guy’s chest.  Oh, come on.  If I wanted to see that I’d be watching CSI right now.  Dean notices a tan line on Frank’s left hand that looks like it could have come from a wedding ring, but they didn’t find anything saying that Frank was married.  They also notice deep scratched on the inside of Frank’s forearm.  The pathologist is surprised to find that the heart is perfectly healthy, and illustrates this point by ripping the heart out and handing it to Dean.  He then squishes around in the body until he presses into the spleen and some juice squirts up and hits Sam RIGHT IN THE FACE.  He’ll wash but he’ll never be clean.

A bit later, the boys are sitting outside of the local Sherriff’s office.  The deputy clearly has no idea what he’s doing, and the Sherriff is a trifle annoyed when he finds out that he kept federal agents waiting. He introduces himself as Sherriff Briton and invites the boys into his office, but only after they take off their shoes.  Apparently Briton is a bit of a germaphobe, because he slathers his hands in liquid sanitizer the second they enter the office.  When the boys mention Frank, Briton says that they were close friends, and that they were on the same softball team, the Gamecocks.  Dean, having the sense of humor of a twelve year old, cannot suppress a giggle, and Briton insists that “they’re majestic animals.”  You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.  Sam asks if Frank acted strange before he died, and Briton says that he’d been “real jumpy.”  Briton starts coughing, and once again douses himself in hand sanitizer.  The boys exchange a perplexed look at this display of good hygiene.

After leaving the Sheriff’s office, Sam and Dean decide that they’re definitely dealing with something supernatural; it’s too big of a coincidence that three victims presented with the same red rashes on their arms and “all went from jittery to terrified to dead within 48 hours.”  The problem is that pretty much anything can scare a person to death, so the boys will have to work with the process of elimination.  They decide to talk to Frank’s neighbor, Mark Hutchins.  Before they get to the Impala, though, Dean stops, saying that he doesn’t like the looks of a group of teenagers standing near the car.  He makes a point of walking a different way, and Sam stares after him like he’s got three heads.

Mark Hutchins, it appears, is an animal lover.  His living room is filled with them, from fishes to frogs to lizards to snakes.  Dean looks very uncomfortable and keeps glancing around nervously.  The boys give the aliases of Agents Tyler and Perry, and Mark says that they’re “just like Aerosmith!” THANK YOU!  It’s about time that someone caught onto to their ridiculously obvious aliases.  Please, boys, use something more conspicuous.  Mark says that Frank had been “totally freaking out,” and that he was terrified of everything, including “Al-Qaida, ferrets, artificial sweetener, [and] those PEZ dispensers with their dead little eyes.” Heh.  Sam asks what Frank was like, and Mark admits that he used to be a massive dick in high school.  However, he doesn’t think that anyone would want to get revenge, because Frank became a lot nicer as he got older, and because his wife Jessie died twenty years ago.  Mark finally notices that Dean’s about to shit his pants, and says not to be scared of the snake he’s holding.  “It’s Marie you gotta look out for.  She smells fear.”  Marie, a giant yellow snake, makes herself known by slithering on top of Dean.  He’s not happy about it.

Several hours later, Dean waits in the Impala, scratching his arm.  He starts when Sam gets back in the car, but Sam doesn’t notice.  And who can really blame him, because it’s not like they’re working on a case where the victims contract a fear disease that starts with anxiety or something.  I mean, Dean’s irrational fear of erstwhile youth and reptiles couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the case.  Tl;dr: Sam forgot to take his smart pills today.  Anyway, the boys exchange information; Dean found out that Frank’s wife committed suicide in a motel room, and was missing for several weeks before they found her.  As they drive towards their motel, Sam says that Frank’s house was completely free all the usual signs of the supernatural.  Sam notices that Dean is actually driving at the speed limit, which is like, a sign of the apocalypse or something.  That joke isn’t really funny on this show, because that really might be a sign of the apocalypse.  Dean then misses the turn that will take them to their motel, saying “I’m not gonna make a left-hand turn into oncoming traffic.  I’m not suicidal!”  OMG y’all, Dean is being possessed by my mother!  The EMF meter clearly supports this theory, and goes off when Sam holds it next to Dean.  “Am I haunted?!” Dean asks, completely freaked, and if he really is being haunted by Mama G, he has every right to be.

The next morning, Sam goes out to get some food for Dean.  When he comes back to the motel parking lot, he sees Dean lying in the front seat, rocking out to “Eye of the Tiger.”  MADE OF WIN.  Once Sam interrupts his jam session, Dean shows him that red scratches have started to appear on his forearm.  Sam doesn’t seem surprised, and says that he and Bobby think that Dean has ghost sickness.  This apparently makes the victim more and more afraid until finally his or her heart gives out.  Contact with a ghost is not necessary to catch the sickness, though; once the first person is infected (in this case, Frank O’Brian), it can spread just like any other illness.  The other two people who died caught it from Frank after a softball game, and Dean caught it from contact with the corpse.  Dean wonders why Sam didn’t get it, since he got a face full of spleen juice, and Sam hypothesizes that only “dicks” can catch the sickness.  No, really, that’s his logic.  I mentioned the lack of smart pills, right?  He expands on his theory, saying that the disease is targeting people who “use fear as a weapon,” which still doesn’t explain why he is immune.  This has got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.  In any case, Sam asks Dean why he hasn’t gone up to their hotel room, and Dean admits that he’s afraid to be on the fourth floor. Sam goes to get them a new room, leaving Dean alone and too afraid to eat his pie.

In the new and low-to-the-ground motel room, Dean researches ghost sickness.  He’s distracted by the loud ticking of the clock, reminding him that he has less than 24 hours to live.  The book mentions that those afflicted with ghost sickness suffer hallucinations, and then proceeds to get its snark on.  Bold words appear in the text, mocking Dean.  “You’re dying…again,” it says.  “Loser.  You gonna cry?  Baby gonna cry?”  Dean slams the book shut, and by the time Sam gets back to the room he has smashed the clock.  Sam tells Dean that Jessie O’Brian was cremated, meaning that she isn’t their ghost.  Suddenly, Dean starts choking, and runs to the sink where he coughs up a woodchip.  Oh, that had to hurt.  Sam realizes that Dean is the biggest clue they have, and Dean dejectedly says “I don’t wanna be a clue.”  Oh Dean.  So macho and yet so adorable.

The boys drive up to a lumber mill, because clearly no other place in town could possibly have woodchips.  The mill is deserted and very ominous-looking.  Dean initially refuses to enter, but Sam manages to guilt him into it.  However, he refuses to take his gun for fear that it will go off, and decides to “man the flashlight” instead.  When they get inside the EMF meter starts going off, but with Dean around they can’t really rely on it.  They find Frank O’Brian’s wedding ring on the floor, meaning that he was here at some point.  They retreat to a back room, and hear something moving inside of a locker.  Sam opens it and a cat pops out, prompting Dean to let out the longest, girliest scream I have ever heard in my entire life.  In case you were wondering, yes, it is hilarious.  “That was scary!” he says, and Sam just walks away.  In another back room, Sam finds the work ID of someone named Luther Garland.  Dean finds several pictures of Jessie O’Brian, and accidently rips one of them.  When he does this, some of the mill equipment starts to move.  The ghost of Luther Garland appears in the corner, and Dean runs away as soon as he sees him.  Sam stays behind just long enough to shoot the ghost with rock salt before going after Dean.  Outside, Dean drains a flask of liquid courage.  Sam shows him the ID, but this does not encourage him to be less afraid.

The boys get back in their FBI gear and head over to the Sherriff’s office in search of Luther Garland’s file.  The deputy gives it to Sam and asks if Dean is drunk.  Sam denies it, but he totally is.  They want to see the Sherriff to ask about Luther’s ambiguous cause of death, but the deputy says that he’s out sick.  They leave, but not before Dean drunkenly proclaims the deputy’s awesomeness.  Once they’re gone, the Sherriff talks to the deputy over the phone, asking what Sam and Dean wanted.  The deputy tells him, and we cut over to the Sherriff’s office.  He’s scratching his arms into a bloody mess and loading his pistol.  He starts hallucinating that his reflection is talking to him, saying that “they know what you did.”  I’m sure this will come up again later.

Sam and Dean go to an assisted living home to interview Luther’s brother, John.  Dean is freaking out about using fake badges.  And of course, when they meet John, he wants to see their IDs.  Dean freaks and almost blows their cover, which is pretty hilarious.  They ask John about his brother’s death, which was not quite as innocent as the police report suggests.  John explains that everyone thought Luther was a monster because he was “too big, too mean looking, just too different.”  They thought this even though Luther was extremely kind, and they illustrate this point with a flashback of Luther holding a kitten.  No, seriously.  What is that, the international sign of a misunderstood gentle giant?  From now on I’m calling this guy Lenny.  Sam shows John Steinbeck a picture of Jessie O’Brian, and he immediately recognizes her.  He says that Frank killed Lenny, a fact that everybody knows but nobody talks about.  She was a receptionist at the mill where Lenny worked and was always kind to him, so he developed a bit of a crush on her.  When Jessie disappeared, Frank assumed that Lenny had done something to her and set out for revenge.  Frank tied Lenny to the back of his truck by looping chains around his neck and dragged him through the lumber yard until he was dead.  Even after they found Lenny’s body the police never looked into Frank because “he was a pillar of the community.”  Yeah, he sounds like a real winner.

Sam and Dean leave the home, and Dean deduces that the marks on his arms must be road rash.  He wants to do a simple salt and burn, but Sam insists that they won’t be able to.  “Lenny’s body was ripped to pieces,” he says.  “There’s no way we’re going to find all of the remains.”  Even though Sam says that they’ll find another way, Dean flips out.  His dear has gotten the better of him, and suddenly he has a whole new perspective on hunting.  I could summarize his rant, but the only way to do it justice is to quote it directly:

C’mon, we hunt monsters!  What the hell?  I mean, normal people, they see a monster and they run.  But not us, no no no, we search out things that want to kill us! Or eat us!  You know who does that?  Crazy people!  We are insane!  You know, and then there’s the crappy diner food and the skivvy motel rooms and the truck stop waitress with the bizarre rash.  I mean, who wants this life, Sam?  Do you actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day every single day?  I don’t think so!  I drive too fast and I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again and I sing along and I’m annoying and I know that.  And you…you’re gassy!  You eat half a burrito and you get toxic!  You know what, forget it.  I’m out, I’m done, I quit.

Oh, Dean.  You’re so funny when you get all riled up.  Dean walks off down the road until he meets up with a certain adorable ferocious Yorkie, and we all know what happens from here.

Sam goes back to the motel room and finds Dean already there.  Dean is freaking out because he only has four hours left.  “I’m gonna die, Sammy,” he says.  “Yeah you are,” Sam responds.  He says that Dean’s going back to hell, “and it’s about damn time, too.”  Dean watches as Sam’s eyes turn yellow, and Sam telekinetically pins him against the wall.  He starts yelling at the “demon” to get out of his brother, but Sam insists that he’s not possessed.  “This is what I’m going to become.  This is what I want to become, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”  Evil!Sam starts choking Dean, and suddenly the hallucination ends and Dean can see Real!Sam trying to calm him down.

A few hours later, Bobby drives up to the lumber mill to meet Sam.  Dean stayed back at the motel, and we briefly cut to him watching Gumby.  I would pay money to find a station that still plays that show.  Bobby asks how much time they have left, and Sam says less than two hours.  Okay, you know what?  Would it kill Sam to seem even a little bit worried about Dean?  I mean, he basically went crazy trying to live without him for four months, he just got him back and now that he’s about to be taken away from him again and they have no feasible way of saving him he acts like it’s no big deal.  Remaining calm under pressure is one thing, but Sam is acting like this is no more worrisome than finding a hole in his sock.  NOT COOL.  [/rant]  Bobby shows Sam an ancient Japanese book on spirits, in the process revealing that he is fluent in Japanese.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Bobby is awesome beyond the telling of it.  Bobby also says that this kind of ghost is called a boru-boru, and since it’s born of fear it can (allegedly) be killed by fear.  “So we have to scare a ghost to death,” Sam confirms, and I take back what I said about the “the victims are all dicks” theory; THIS is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.  Sam calls Dean and tells him not to worry, saying that they have a good plan.  He hangs up and Bobby immediately says that “this is a terrible plan.”  Perhaps because of the lack of smart pills, they don’t have any better ideas, so they proceed.

Back in the motel room, Dean hears howling coming from outside of the room.  The door bursts open and Sherriff Briton walks in, demanding to know why the boys are looking into Lenny’s death.  Dean realizes that he’s sick and tries to calm him down, but Briton isn’t having it.  He starts attacking Dean and admits that he covered for Frank O’Brian after Lenny’s murder.  The two struggle lamely against the wall, apparently forgetting their combat skills because of the fear.  Dean finally manages to push Briton to the ground, where the man starts convulsing until his heart finally gives out.

Over at the mill, Sam makes his way to the back room where he found Lenny’s ID badge.  To make the ghost angry and lure him out of hiding, he starts ripping up the pictures of Jessie O’Brian.  The machinery starts acting up, and suddenly Lenny’s ghost appears behind Sam.  Y’all, this guy is massive.  He makes Sam look short, and that’s saying something.

Back in the motel room, Dean is scratching his arms and panicking.  He hears barking again, as well as his own heartbeat.  He picks up a Bible from the floor and holds it to him, hoping that it will keep him from returning to Hell.  Suddenly, Lilith appears next to him in the form of the little girl she possessed in last season’s finale.  She gives him a big hug and says how much she’s missed him, and when you consider how sadistic she is, that is just messed up.  Dean tries to remind himself that this is a hallucination, but Lilith keeps egging him on.  “What’s the matter Dean?” she asks.  “Don’t you remember all the fun you had down there?”  She goes on about how “four months is like 40 years in Hell” and insists that he remembers every second of it.  Dean suddenly collapses in pain, clutching his chest.  Lilith looms over him and asks why he got sick, and Lilith says “Silly goose, you know why.  Listen to your heart.” [Note:  according to Kripke, this was the real reason Dean got sick, not because he’s a “dick” like the episode suggests.  So now you guys try for subtlety.]  Nice bit of continuity with the “silly goose.”  Lilith starts saying “baboom!” over and over, mocking Dean’s failing heart, and he convulses in pain.

At the same time, Sam is getting his ass handed to him by Lenny.  He finally manages to wrap a chain around the ghost’s neck, and yells for Bobby to “punch it.”  Bobby starts the Impala, which is attached to the other end of the chain, and he drags Lenny behind him across the lumber yard.  Just as Dean’s eyes roll back in his head, the ghost dissolves into wisps of black smoke, and the machinery within the mill stops working.  Dean takes a gasping breath and finds that his arms are completely healed.  He looks around the room for Lilith, but she’s gone.

Sometime later, Dean is sharing some beer with Sam and Bobby and questions how they managed to get rid of the ghost.  Sam explains that the chain was made of iron and that it was etched with spell work.  Well isn’t that convenient.  Bobby and Sam tease Dean a little about how much he freaked out, and Dean responds by asserting that “[he’ll] kill anything.”  Ah, that’s the Dean we know and want to bang love.  Bobby finally drives off, and Sam asks Dean what he saw towards the end of his sickness.  Oh my God, he just spent four months in Hell.  What do you think he saw, Hello Kitty?  Dumb Sam is fucking dumb.  Dean, of course, cannot expose any real vulnerability, so he lies and tells Sam that he saw howler monkeys.  Sam doesn’t buy it, so Dean says it was “just the usual stuff.  Nothing I couldn’t handle.”  That remains to be seen.

Oh, did you guys think that was it?  Because it’s not.  Oh baby, it’s certainly not.  Because at the end of this episode is perhaps the greatest thing that any of us will ever see.  It cannot be put into words, so I can only say enjoy.  And that I will most definitely be having that man’s babies someday.

NEXT WEEK: It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester!  Is any more explanation really necessary?