Hello, fellow Race-ing junkies. Are you ready for a new season of yelling, culture shock, crying, ugly Americans, and — oh yeah — a peek into several countries and peoples on this blue marble of ours? I sure am!
Note: TAR recently received its sixth straight Emmy for Outstanding Reality Competition Program, the only series to win this award since its conception in 2003. Yay! But Phil Keoghan wasn't even nominated for the inaugural Oustanding Host award (the honor went to Survivor's Jeff Probst's dimples). Boo! However, Phil probably thanked his lucky stars from the audience after the disastrous performances from the five nominees, who "hosted" the worst Emmys in years. I kept hoping the camera would cut to Phil's famous popped eyebrow; surely it didn't approve of such unfunny shenanigans.
Like Season 12's premiere, the initial departure city is Los Angeles. Instead of the Playboy Mansion, however, the teams gather on the infield of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. Their packs and first clues await them at the top of the stairs. Phil implores them to travel safe through the world that is waiting for them. Go!
Toni & Dallas: mother/son
Single mom Toni is proud of her son, who will give every last bit of energy not to disappoint her.
Nick & Starr: brother/sister
Their cheerleading-style dance routine bugged me, but this camo-outfitted sibling pair admitted their lack of travel experience and willingness to latch onto another team to get through the first few legs.
Ken & Tina: separated
He is an unfaithful former NFL player, and she is very blond, made-up, tanned, and bitter. Per usual, they are going on a reality TV show to figure out their relationship. She claims she's forgiven him for his infidelity but not forgotten, and he says he has to "prove to her on a daily basis that [he's] worthy of of her love." Yikes.
Aja & Ty: dating long distance
This couple from MIchigan makes the most of their time together. Since they both seem to enjoy white zinfandel, they might not be right for anyone else! So far, they seem fairly cool. Let's hope that continues. I like having decent teams to cheer for.
Marisa & Brooke: best friends
Who? Fashionable and blonde southern belles, they barely make a blip on tonight's radar. Of course I can't tell them apart yet. I wonder how many episodes it will take. Oh, and they're classy and like to bake cupcakes. And there's a team nickname right there.
Andrew & Dan: fraternity brothers
One team called them "Superbad," but these two fools from ASU are too enamored of their own "regular guy" status to be anything but an annoyance at this point. And as Ned Flanders once said, "Looks like Heaven is easier to get into than Arizona State."
Anthony & Stephanie: dating
They've been together four years. She wants to get married or cut him loose. Yay, I love ultimatums! [/sarcasm] Like the Classy Cupcakes, they aren't featured much in tonight's episode.
Anita & Arthur: married beekeepers
Full disclosure: I love honey, but I hate me some bees. These gray-haired hippies claim that they are competitive, no matter what their appearance. Keep that in mind.
Kelly & Christy: friends/divorcées
They've been through horrible marriages as well as a large amount of eyeliner. Kelly is the dark-haired one. They also like to run. All these athletic teams. Hmmm.
Terence & Sarah: newly dating
He is "the most quintessential free spirit" and she is business-like. They're both from New York City, and their footage shows him dropping her off at the office with a brown sack lunch (really?) and a kiss. He only does things that make him happy; that sounds New Age-y to me! [/sarcasm again]
Mark & Bill: lifelong friends
Nerds! Who wear their geek badges with honor! And wear goofy t-shirts and glasses! And play Rock Band, video games, and chess! It's not really fair to judge teams on these stupid intro packages, but that's casting for you. Mark is the balding one; Bill looks like an a much. much, much, much skinnier Harry Knowles.
Outside the stadium, teams rip their clues and learn their first destination: Salvador, Brazil. There are two flights: the first on American, which gets to Brazil three hours before the second, a flight on United. Ten of the 11 teams take I-110 to LAX. Terence & Sarah, however, choose to take side streets to the airport instead. I attended a wedding outside L.A. last weekend, and I can attest to the hellish traffic. No matter what time or what direction of travel, the I-10 was a massive parking lot.
Tina is a literal backseat driver, which is enough to push them ahead of several other teams. However, Aja & Ty use the HOV and the correct airport exit to reach an American counter first. However, there are at least two American Airlines sections at LAX, including one with a specifically marked red-and-yellow row. This is the first of several occasions in which the directions are not fully read by the contestants. To be fair, someone behind the American counter does tell Aja & Ty to get in the general line. Still, Aja & Ty should know better.
You know else who should also know better? Other Racers. Kelly & Christy, Toni & Dallas, Anthony & Stephanie, Andrew & Dan, and Marisa & Brooke, who all queue up behind the new daters. However, Bill & Mark as well as Ken & Tina decide to investigate further. They find the correct ticket counter, and score the first flight to Brazil. Terence & Sarah, whose side streets adventure ended up not be that advantageous, are the third team on American.
Nick & Starr arrive at general ticketing just as Aja & Ty are informed by an agent that they are in the wrong place. This prompts an "oh shit!" stampede to the TAR line, with brother and sister arriving first among the seven-team dash. Nick & Starr are fourth on the first flight, joined by Aja & Ty and Kelly & Christy. The other five teams — Andrew & Dan, Toni & Dallas, Anthony & Stephanie, Marisa & Brooke, and Anita & Arthur — are on the United flight. Dan moans about the stupidity of following the pack, which, yup. At least he's learning early. You'd think. And Nick & Starr offer a "loose" alliance to Ken & Tina, who accept.
The American flight lands about 90 minutes late, which cuts the first six teams' lead time in half. They must take taxis to the O Rei do Pernil sandwich shop. Mark & Bill are out first, followed by Kelly & Christy. Too bad the divorcées' driver gets lost. Also too bad is how many contestants — I'm looking at you, Tina — don't know that the main language in Brazil is Portuguese, not Spanish. However, Sarah is fluent in the former, which helps her and Terence arrive at O Rei do Pernil second to Mark & Bill. Both members of each team have to become a barista, "old-school style," by pushing a wobbly cart laden with sweets through narrow city streets (and on a funnicular!) to Praça da Sé and a man named Indio. Once he counts the candy, he will give teams their next clue.
Some handle the task better than others, including Mark & Bill, Nick & Starr, and Aja & Ty. Others drop treats and berate their partners (Tina, Terence). Upon task completion, all teams are directed to 19th Batalhão de Caçadores, a military fort. They will sleep outside under mosquito nets — hooray! (for sleeping outside, not for the netting) — and depart at either 9 a.m., 9:30 a.m., or 9:45 a.m. The first five teams race (heh) for the first four slots, which are awarded to Terence & Sarah, Nick & Starr, Mark & Bill, and Ken & Tina. Aja & Ty are the first team in the 9:30 slot. Second in the 9:30 time slot are Kelly & Christy, who are "hacked" that they arrived sixth.
The second flight lands on time, and Andrew & Dan, Marisa & Brooke, Anthony & Stephanie, Toni & Dallas, and Anita & Arthur grab cabs and sashee sundries through Salvador. Andrew & Dan rally to take the final 9:30 spot. The other four teams (Toni & Dallas, Anita & Arthur, Marisa & Brooke, and Anthony & Stephanie) will leave the next morning at 9:45 a.m. We learn little to nothing about these eight people, so it's hard to care about who will be eliminated... tonight. At the fort, Starr thinks Dallas is "the most attractive guy on the Race." Also, Terence is mad that Sarah is talking to other teams when she should be holding him. "I want you to connect with me," he snots. "She's engaged with them." Delightful!
In the morning, teams take cabs to Pelourinho, the historic center of Salvador, for their next clue. The first three teams miss the cluebox but soon find a Roadblock! Hard Way Up or Soft Way Down. In Hard Way Up, teams go to the Escadaria do Passo and climb this flight of stairs on their hands and knees. Once at the top, they must answer a "mystery question." If they get the answer wrong, they must go back through the streets and crawl up the stairs again. In Soft Way down, teams travel to the Elevador Lacerda and climb down a 240-foot cargo net. The maximum number of teams allowed on the net at one time is three.
Terence & Sarah are the first team to get to Soft Way Down, but they take the normal elevator to the roof rather than the one marked with red-and-yellow flags. Perhaps it's the adrenaline from the first leg making everyone sloppy. Or maybe Terence & Sarah can't see past their egos. At any rate, Nick & Starr are first to descend, followed by Ken & Tina and Mark & Bill, who beams, "There's nowhere else but The Amazing Race you're gonna find yourself climbing 240 feet down a cargo net." Wipeout, maybe? But there would also be water or mud or the suckerpunch.
Nick & Starr rip the clue to find that the pit stop, Forte de São Marcelo, is within walking distance. They then hop a boat and arrive as team number 1. The prize for the first leg is a trip for two to Belize, with snorkeling as well as tubing through Mayan [sic] caves. Nice. Ken & Tina are team number 2.
Terence & Sarah rectify their error and continue their endearing ways on the cargo net as they pass Mark & Bill, who joke, "We're taking a little break." Terence mocks Sarah's positive attitude and tells her "You can't climb and talk. I can." Gah. "Apparently, I'm not allowed to talk to you 'cause I can't climb and talk," she retorts. Ten more weeks of this? I hope not. They finish as team number 3, with Mark & Bill as team number 4.
Several 9:30 and 9:45 departers crowd around the Pelourinho cluebox, and after learning of the three-team maximum allowed on the net, Andrew & Dan choose Hard Way Up, a wise choice. The last people to arrive at the cluebox are meanderers Anita & Arthur. Even though there are other teams around them, they choose Soft Way Down. Considering their age, however, I don't know that climbing on stone stairs would have (SPOILER!) kept them from getting eliminated.
Kelly & Christy finish fifth, and Toni & Dallas finish sixth.
Andrew & Dan (the complainer) scuttle up the stairs only to learn that the mystery question is "How many stairs have you climbed?" Excellent. They guess 40, which is wrong, so they have to do it over. The editors try to create drama between this development and Anita & Arthur, but since Andrew & Dan are team number 7 and Anita & Arthur like to perambulate instead of walk at a brisk pace — the outcome is obvious. Aja & Ty are team number eight, and Anthony & Stephanie and Marisa & Brooke arrive simultaneously (and leisurely — shouldn't they have hustled just a little?) for places nine and ten.
And the slow-moving, good-natured beekeepers are eliminated. Arthur & Anita are incredibly gracious in their praise of each other, their competition, and the world itself. Too bad this nice guy and gal are headed home to Oregon, but that's what happens when you're last down the net and walk instead of run. A life lesson indeed.
This season definitely has potential. It's tough to get a read on this many teams so early in the season, but I'm predicating that I will like Mark & Bill, Toni & Dallas, and Aja & Ty, even though the geeks are the only ones who got much coverage this leg. No call yet on Kelly & Christy and Marisa & Brooke, although I admired that the divorcées kept their cool after hiring a bad cabbie. Stephanie's talk of marriage and babies is all I know about this couple; Anthony is practically mute. Tina is fairly shrewish already, and how long will Ken tolerate that? Nick & Starr could turn bitchy in a non-fun way, Andrew & Dan already annoy me, and the entitlement of both Terence & Sarah already grates. I can see them becoming my least favorite team of the season, a la Nate-n-Hate from Season 12. Well, dear reader, we have ten more legs to figure it out! I will also provide more commentary as the number of participants drop and my love/hate for strangers increases.
Next week: Terence & Sarah are mad because the alliance of Nick & Starr and Ken & Tina (1) exists "completely" and (2) won't talk to them! And Mark & Bill beg Ken to give them a head start.
LEG 1: Los Angeles, California, to Salvador, Bahia, Brazil (via São Paolo or Rio de Janeiro)
PIT STOP: Forte São Marcelo, Salvador, Brazil
ROADBLOCK: Hard Way Up or Soft Way Down
Hard Way Up (climb up stairs on hands and knees and then answer "How many stairs have you climbed?"):
Andrew & Dan
Soft Way Down (climb down 240-ft cargo net):
Nick & Starr
Ken & Tina
Terence & Sarah
Mark & Bill
Kelly & Christy
Toni & Dallas
Aja & Ty
Anthony & Stephanie
Marisa & Brooke
Anita & Arthur
LEADERBOARD
Team Number 1: Nick & Starr (brother/sister)
PRIZE: Trip for two to Belize
Team Number 2: Ken & Tina (separated)
Team Number 3: Terence & Sarah (newly dating)
Team Number 4: Mark & Bill (lifelong friends)
Team Number 5: Kelly & Christy (friends/divorcees)
Team Number 6: Toni & Dallas (mother/son)
Team Number 7: Andrew & Dan (fraternity brothers)
Team Number 8: Aja & Ty (dating long distance)
Team Number 9: Anthony & Stephanie (dating)
Team Number 10: Marisa & Brooke (best friends)
ELIMINATED: Anita & Arthur (married beekeepers)
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