Bones: The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond (Episode 405)

Squint Returns! Two teenagers introduce me to the word “micro-bladder,” and, on peeing into a runoff reservoir behind a barn, turn the water purple and raise several decomposing limbs and body-bits to the surface of the water. That’ll teach you to pee wherever you feel like it, I guess.

Sweets meets with Zack at McKinley Psychiatric Hospital. I was not prepared to see Zack and immediately sat up straighter in my seat and had to fan my face. Zack says that he really does feel remorse, just not for killing someone; he’s more regretful that he fell for Gorgomon’s holey logic. Sweets thinks a sane person would feel bad about the killing part, not getting taken in by a line of crap, which he defines at length with synonyms. And then Eric Milligan gives them to us all in a ten second supercalifragilistic word: “Drivel-blarney-nonsense-balderdash-twaddle-bull-bunkum-hooey.” Sweets asks about his hands, and Zack says he has about 60% function. Sweets swipes a card to let himself out, telling Zack that they can’t release him until he’s overcome his delusions. The card doesn’t work, and the guard says it must be expired. Zack insists he wasn’t delusional, just wrong. Sweets asks him to consider that his denial of his delusion is just part of the delusion.

So the body the kids found is in twelve parts, head not included. We set up the thematic runner here, as Booth tells an FBI flunky to speak respectfully to his partner, though Brennan insists that she can take care of herself; Booth also refuses to let Brennan fix his strained back. They will have this same argument ten more times this hour. Brennan asks to have the entire reservoir drained in hopes that the head sunk to the bottom, saving a small sample of the water for Hodgins to analyze.

At the lab, the body appears, like, half decomposed? It’s gross, whatever state it’s in. Wendell, Brennan’s new grad assistant, and her “most promising scholarship student,” schools the girls that the burned fingertips they see might be because the guy wanted to hide his identity. Angela’s checking out the shoes, which are children’s shoes special ordered. Also, all the cuts to the body were clean except those to the neck, which show the killer hesitated before making the first whack. Wendell diagnoses the victims with a bone-related syndrome, and Cam says she’ll check with local orthopedic surgeons. Hodgins arrives, and it seems the purple water was an algae thing, nothing important. Cam asks him if he’s moved (into, we learn, Zack’s old space in the lab), and he gives her a short negative before asking for the shoes. When he leaves, Brennan tells Wendell not to be intimidated by the precedent Zack set; when Wendell doesn’t know who that is, Angela tells him they need to have a little talk.

Booth is definitely in pain, because he’s letting Brennan drive. He can tell she’s breaking in a new intern, because she gets overly precise. He asks if she wants him to talk to the kid for her, and she tells him that he doesn’t need to fix everything all the time. To Booth, that is what partners do, except for how he won’t let Brennan fix his back. The check with local surgeons has brought them to Jared Addison, their victim. The Bs meet Jared’s mom in her garden. She recognizes the shoes immediately; Brennan asks to see his room, where there are at least a dozen more sets of shoes. All his belongings are lined up precisely and in some sort of order, which Brennan notices. Mrs. Addison tells the Bs she didn’t report her son missing because he was a novelist and had secluded himself to finish his latest work. Brennan recognizes Jared’s work, but the photo and story on the back don’t match the victim they’re working on. Brennan says that the publisher put a ringer on the book; they wanted to do the same thing for her. Mrs. Addison says that the publisher had dropped Jared after his second book, and he wanted to do well on the next to change their mind. Booth says it’s time to bring in their “expert.”

Hodgins tells cam he’s found kelp and coffee in the treads of Jared’s shoes, as well as a fly egg that he wants to hatch to find out where it’s from. Hodgins fails to have a sense of humor, and Cam finally tells him that his attitude leaves much to be desired. The effect is to make him even more surly.

Sweets is the “expert.” He deems the action figures in Jared’s room awesome. He asks if Jared was mentally slow, but Brennan thinks he was smarter than Sweets. Sweets says that Jared had obvious OCD, and if they ask which of his patterns had recently been disrupted, they may find out what killed him. Brennan says they can’t ask him, because he’s dead. Sweets: “She is wicked literal!” I’ve said it before, but wicked is totally the best adverb in the world, and I just love it when it’s used on my favorite shows. Booth jumps to Brennan’s defense, which annoys her, and Sweets observes this interesting new element of their interpersonal dynamic. Booth brings it back to the case, and Sweets says that sex would have disrupted the patterns. Sweets goes into a strange trance trying to put himself in Jared’s head to find, basically, what helped him get off. Booth directs him to the shoes, and there Sweets finds a photo of an older woman.  Brennan and I are both curious how Booth knew it’d be in the shoes.

Jared’s elder paramour, Kelly Sutton, tells the Bs that she and Jared were in love, but his mother didn’t approve. Jared, she says, wanted to marry her. In the viewing room, Brennan and Sweets talk about why older women and younger men are so compatible. Experience, sex drive, etc. Kelly tells Booth her story: she raises flowers; Jared came to for an orchid for his mother; the place freaked him out because of germs; she helped him; they fell in love. When Jared was supposedly at a hotel working on his novel, he was really at a behavior modification seminar to get over his OCD. Kelly says she wanted what was best for Jared.

Wendell and Brennan go over the bones, discussing the unlikelihood of figuring out cause of death without a head. Wendell notices a fracture in a finger bone that comes from punching someone without a straight wrist, which he knows from having been a boxer as a kid. Brennan tells him that she never expects anyone to be as good as Zack, but that was good work. And then she starts quizzing him on whether or not he’s had a relationship with an older woman, purely for research purposes. (This is clear when Wendell makes a remark about her own age and she doesn’t seen the relevance.) Wendell, however, thinks his mentor is coming onto him, and it’s freaking him out.

Hodgins goes to see Zack, bringing him a math problem to solve (a crazy genius math problem) and photos of the crime scene. Zack comments on the difficulty of the problem, and Hodgins declares himself king of the… king of something. He tells Zack they’ll get him out one of these days, though Zack knows Hodgins is just trying to make him feel better. And then he solves the problem and says he’s king of the loony bin. Hodgins asks him to go over the crime scene stuff, maybe he’ll find something they haven’t. Zack says he has done that in the past. He knows Hodgins and Angela have broken up, and he’s sorry things are going so badly for him right now. Hodgins laughs at the irony of his best friend sitting there, locked up in a loony bin, with wrecked hands, feeling sorry for him.

Jared’s un-OCD seminar is based in patients confronting their obsessions, such as slathering themselves with mud. The leader, Dr. Amerian, is a therapist who barks at the patients like a drill sergeant. This is all a red herring: Dr. Amerian says that Jared was one of his most successful patients, to the point that Jared was able to take a mint out of the toilet and hold it on his tongue. One of his other patients confesses to killing Jared, but it turns out that he doesn’t know about the whole dismembered thing. Sweets interrogates the kid, and it turns out that if he doesn’t eat at a certain time, someone dies. He was with Jared, Jared was eating, he wasn’t, ergo, Jared died. And while it’s a ridiculous moment, it leads them to the café where Jared had his last cup of coffee and explains the coffee in Jared’s shoes. The barista tells them a tale of Jekyll and Hyde: Jared had been a pain in the ass one day, and sweet as pie the next. Brennan concludes that Amerian’s methods were working, and Jared was over his OCD.

Wendell goes to Angela to ask what to do about Brennan hitting on him. He tells her that he owes some people money, so he needs the job, but working at the Jeffersonian is weird. Angela tells him that without question, Brennan a) never slept with Zack, b) is not sleeping with Booth, and c) does not want to sleep with Wendell. He does not seem convinced.

Cam asks Angela about Jared’s cell phone; she’s recreated the call log. He’d called his publisher every day at the same time for a month. The publisher, Cam reminds us, that wanted nothing to do with Jared or his books. The Bs bring in an editor, or someone, named Tushman, who informs them that the publishing world is changing. He tells Brennan that the reason her photo is so prominent on her books is not, as she assumes, because she’s a very good writer, but because she’s a hot science chick and her image is what sells, not her stories. Booth jumps in on her behalf, and she doesn’t stop him this time. Tushman explains the deal with Jared’s ringer; CD, the guy, would pose for Jared but have the opportunity to write his own stuff, which turned out to be not so bad. Tushman threw over Jared in favor of CD to keep the package that was bankable. Brennan asks about Tushman’s broken tooth, and it turns out that Jared did punch him in the mouth, resulting in Jared’s broken finger. Tushman explains that Jared came to see him, told him he was over his OCD, and when Tushman still wasn’t interested in taking Jared back on, Jared hit him. Tushman took that as proof that Jared was cured and resigned him, thinking of all the cash he’d get revealing the real Jared Addison. Given the money he’d make, he didn’t kill Jared.

Cam and Hodgins watch his fly hatch, which makes Hodgins both happy in his weird way and makes him nicer to Cam. He says he’s not moving into Zack’s space; he can’t do it. Cam understands, she just thought that it would be easier for Zack if Hodgins took his place, instead of a random stranger. Hodgins says that would be true if Zack were normal, but he’s Zack. Also, the fly can tell them where Jared was murdered, and it ties back to Kelly Sutton and the nursery she worked at.

Angela accosts Sweet at the diner to ask about Wendell’s weird inquiry. Sweets explains that Brennan was just trying to figure out Jared’s deal in her own awkward, endearing way. No, he really says that, and it’s so cute. He totes loves these people. He thinks Angela should set the record straight with Wendell. She mentions that Wendell owes people money, which she thinks means he’s in deep with the mob. Sweets says it’s not his area, but he’s solid on the Brennan thing. Angela wonders why she’s listening to him, since last time she did, he broke up her and Hodgins. Sweets is like, we both know that’s not true. But he still looks sad about it when she leaves.

At the nursery, Hodgins affirms the fly could have come from there. The Bs present a warrant to the owner, Kelly’s son. Booth goes overboard with trying to protect Brennan. From dirt. Turns out the soil used has coffee and kelp in it, just like Jared’s shoes. It’s not nefarious, though; Jared came to the nursery to ask permission to marry Kelly. Her son, David, thought it would be creepy and told Jared to forget it. He also says Jared was lucky David didn’t just conk him on the head and chop him up. Hodgins finds more flies, and Brennan finds a shovel that she tests for blood. Booth tells David they’re taking him in.

Angela finds Wendell, pondering with the help of an unlit cigarette. Angela assures Wendell again that Brennan wasn’t hitting on him, just trying to figure something out. She explains Brennan to Wendell: when she asks a weird question, you either answer it, the way Angela and Zack do, or you tell her she’s being weird, like Cam and Booth. She says she’s worried about him owing money, since he can’t work legal cases if he owes the wrong kind of people. Wendell gets all het up because it’s not the mob he owes, it’s the people of his neighborhood who raised the money to put him through school. They work hard, and he has to pay them back. Angela explains the misunderstanding, and they giggle. They are so going to do it. Wendell tells her that he has the cigarette because he tries to think what his dad would say in any given situation, and his dad was a smoker. He doesn’t smoke himself, because his dad died of lung cancer, but holding the cigarette helps him get inside his dad’s head. He says he likes working at the Jeffersonian, but it is a landmine of weird. Angela wishes him luck.

Turns out the blood on the shovel was not blood, but potatoes. The chemical Brennan used to test for blood reacts the same to both blood and potatoes. The team stands around, hamstrung, and Hodgins asks if Wendell missed something. Angela tells him to be nice to Wendell, since he’s doing so well. Hodgins just wishes Zack were there. They all do, but Zack’s not coming back, Booth says.

“I know where to find the victim’s head!” Zack says.

Yeah, he’s there. Brennan rushes down to hug him, along with Angela and Hodgins, but Cam and Booth are more worried about how Zack got there and if anyone knows he’s gone. Zack says Sweets helped him, though Sweets doesn’t exactly know that. Brennan’s holding his arm so tightly, Zack has to tell her she’s hurting him. Booth tells Zack he’s with the Bs to explain this whole “I know where the head is” thing.

Zack shows them photos of the crime scene, pointing out how every single thing in the room is grouped in sets of twelve. Brennan assumes this is part of Jared’s OCD. Zack adds that it’s not just the room: Jared and his mom lived at 12 Kindergarten Road, and Kindergarten has 12 letters in it. So does alphanumeric, but Zack suspects that’s just ironic. He points out that everything in the yard, stones, gnomes, everything, is also in sets of 12. Booth says that Jared wouldn’t have gardened, given the germophobia. Zack has one last 12: the name Jared Addison. Which means, the Bs realize, that Jared’s mom is OCD. Booth is confused, since the body was in thirteen pieces, including the head, not 12. Sweets arrives and reminds them about the hesitation marks on the neck. The head is not part of the 12 pieces because she couldn’t bear to deal with Jared’s face. That doesn’t make much sense to me. Sweets is pissed at Zack, but Booth keeps him on track, asking why Jared’s mom would kill him. Sweets explains that by overcoming his OCD, Jared was becoming independent, getting ready to be married and have a successful career. He was disrupting his mother’s patterns as well as breaking his own, and it sent her round the bend. And then he’s back to Zack, who swapped the magnetic strip on Sweets’ key card with the one on his loony bin library card. Booth asks where the head is. Zack points to a bird bath, the only thing in the garden that is not in a set of twelve.

We switch between watching Cam, Hodgins, and Angela with Zack at the diner, laughing it up and having lots of fun, and the Bs digging up Jared’s head. Sweets waits for Zack at the mental hospital. Wendell leaves the Jeffersonian, maybe still making up his mind. The Bs find Jared, and back at the diner, Cam takes the call. She says Zack was right, and Zack’s reaction is that it’s time to go.

Booth escorts him to Sweets and tells the shrink to sneak him in and lie if he’s caught. He shakes his finger at Zack, telling him not to escape again. He goes to leave, but Sweets is afraid to be alone with Zack outside the barbed wire fence, given that Zack’s killed a man. Booth makes Zack promise not to kill Sweets, which he does. After Booth leaves, Zack conversationally says he’s never actually done it. Not sex, but stabbing a man in the heart. He explains that he killed someone by telling Gorgomon how to find the man, but he didn’t actually hold the knife himself. It was another apprentice, one whom Gorgomon killed, since there can only ever be two. Sweets asks why he confessed. Zack says he would have done it if asked. Sweets says he doesn’t know that, beyond frustrated. He goes to call the Bs, but Zack says he’s bound by confidentiality. If anyone finds out that he didn’t actually kill the lobbyist, he’ll be taken out of the hospital and jailed for being an accessory to murder. He wouldn’t survive in prison. Sweets wants to tell the truth, but Zack says he can’t without his permission. Poor dudes.

Booth catches Brennan in the middle of tossing out her latest novel, having decided that she doesn’t want to be a writer anymore, thanks to Tushman claiming she’s only worth the picture on the back of the book, not the words inside. She tells Booth she doesn’t want to be a sexy scientist. He tells her, basically, that’s who she is. He pulls the book from the trash, complaining about his back. He then recites from memory some of her reviews. She asks if he reads his books. He does, but he’s never said anything because he figures that he’s in her real life every day, so he should stay out of her fantasy. Well, given that the team’s always trying to find themselves in the novels, I doubt he’s succeeded. She understands, though, and he touts the awesomeness of partnership and give and take. Brennan uses this as an opportunity to fix Booth’s back, and there’s a great pause when she puts her arms around him to do it. She says she explains things to him, important things. He says that she also helps him be a guy, letting him fix things.  And we end the episode on them arguing about what they both do or do not know and what they teach the other. They are also so going to do it. The sexual tension, it is being laid on with a trowel. I like it.