Smallville: Odyssey (Episode 801)

Welcome back, Smallvillians!  Not to be confused with small villains, which are in abundance in this eighth season premiere.  Sorry, Miss Tessmacher Tess Mercer, Lex has big villain shoes to fill.

We begin as a helicopter swoops over the the arctic tundra, four weeks after the events of last season's finale.  It lets off a young woman in a sassy snowsuit and serious-business eye shadow, who struts into the temporary headquarters of a Search and Lexcue team and demands to know what Regan (Lex's head of security) has been up to all this time.  The woman is Tess Mercer, acting CEO of LuthorCorp, and she insists that there's no way Lex met his maker in Santa's back yard.

Unless the elves were there.

Just as one of the team announces they may have found something, the good kind of trouble arrives.  Green Arrow (big yay!) and Black Canary (medium yay!) announce their presence with typical subtlety: shooting down a truss full of lights and subsonically shattering lots of equipment, respectively.  In the brief skirmish that follows, I gotta say...it totally looks like they're offing people, y'all.  Huh.  Tess escapes via chopper, and Regan has Green Arrow at gunpoint until Aquaman (sizable groan!) launches himself out of the ice below and flings Regan across the room.  They're here to look for Clark, but find only our hero's signature red cape jacket under the ice.

Opening credits.  Michael Rosenbaum, Kristin Kreuk, Laura Vandervoort, and John Glover are gone.  But Allison Mack now has second billing!  And we add Cassidy Freeman (Tess), Sam Witwer (not appearing in this episode, but worth the wait), and in the prestigious final spot, Justin Hartley.

At Luthor mansion, we find the intrepid Lois Lane navigating the linen-draped furniture of Lex's office dressed in a French maid outfit.  Breaking into a cabinet, she finds a set of alphabetized flash drives, selects "S-Z," and stores it in her bosom.  Heh.  Tess enters in time to do some verbal sparring with our Future Mrs. Superman, during which Lois reminds us that Lex had Chloe arrested by the Department of Homeland Domestic Security.  The DDS, however, has no record of this.  Tess expresses every confidence in Lex's good intentions before tossing Lois out on her derrière.

Meanwhile, in an abandoned factory-type building in Black Creek, Montana, Chloe IS BEING CLOCKWORK ORANGED ACK ACK ACK.  She sits in a chair with a sensor on her forehead, staring at a screen which flashes images too quickly to identify.  A technician asks her for the pattern, and she rattles it off: "Barntigercarhammertreebuildingcupphonetoasterhousedollfootballbookumbrellabenchpaperclip."  Then he asks for the algorithm, and she says that the seventh image moves forward by the power of four every six cycles.  Ah.  It seems this is not the Ludovico Technique, but only that Brainiac's attempt at a brain suck on Chloe backfired.  Better, but still creepy.

The tech -- who looks like Dwight Schrute's evil twin -- is impressed with Chloe's ability to best their fastest supercomputer, but Chloe is not down with the whole guinea pig situation, and demands her lawyer.  Evil Dwight says she can choose between giving back to Uncle Sam for 12 months, or rotting in federal prison for 20 years.

Oliver, Dinah and A.C. have set up headquarters at the ISIS Foundation to continue their search for Clark, but surveillance has turned up nothing.  Dinah is ready to give him up for lost, since Victor and Bart have combed the southern hemisphere and found nothing there, either.  Really?  Y'all couldn't have switched out Bart and A.C. and made me a much happier viewer?  Not to mention probably found Clark a lot faster, as it turns out?  Either way, Oliver is adamant that they'll never give up on Clark.

In a shipping yard in the pouring rain in Verkhoyansk, Russia, Clark struggles to unload crates from a truck.  Yes, struggles.  Wetly, with heaving muscles.  (What?)  He's clearly exhausted, but some Russian foreman-type barks at him to keep working in order to pay him back.  Clark insists that money is no object if he could only make a phone call, but Bossman isn't having it.  Something tells me you're going to wish you'd taken Oliver Queen's money when you had the chance, buddy.

Bossman turns away, and Clark tries to make a run for it in an empty truck, but many bullets in his direction talk him out of it.  Then, just so we're clear that Clark has been sapped of his powers for realsies, Bossman beats the crap out of him.

At the Daily Planet, Tess visits Regan in Lex's office, demanding an update on the search.  Regan reports that they intercepted an encoded signal from the band of merry men who attacked them, but Tess wonders if Regan is really looking for Lex at all.  Finding Lex appears to be her life mission, y'all, and she has no patience for slackers.

Back in the shady Montana research facility, Evil Dwight presents Chloe with some scrambled code that "a group of terrorists" use to communicate, and Uncle Sam needs her to extricate three cell phone numbers from it.  As she rattles off the first, a sniper fires a dart into A.C., who is taking a shower in Tromsø, Norway.  The next number finds Black Canary on a rooftop in Qeqertarsuaq, Greenland, getting whacked by a similar dart.  However, three digits before the end of the third number, Chloe stops: "These aren't the phone numbers of bad guys."  You tell 'em, Watchtower!  Chloe busts a move on Evil Dwight and high-tails it down the hall, only to be tripped up by security.  Regan appears and instructs Evil Dwight to acquire that third number.

In the shipping yard, Bossman and his goons wake an unconscious Clark and tell him to get back to work.  Clark tries once again to fight them off, and probably would if he weren't outnumbered.  Just when Bossman has more or less decided to plug Clark for being more trouble than he's worth, Oliver struts in, asking about black-market caviar in Russian.  He identifies himself as Roy Connor, which I suspect is a nod to Green Arrow's sidekick Roy Harper, and Oliver's future son Connor Hawke.

Oliver catches Clark staring at him and is all, "Somethin' botherin' you?"  Clark, catching on, is like, "Just your face," and Oliver clocks him one.  What follows is the best fight ever on the show, since they're pretty much evenly matched without Clark's powers.  They roll around on the ground, not bothering to pull punches.  Eventually Oliver pulls a knife on him -- I told you this fight was hardcore -- and tells Bossman he'll take 150 cases of caviar and "this pathetic little punk here," for the honor of finishing him off.  Bossman is game, and Oliver hauls Clark out of there.  Clark: "What took you so long?"  Heh.

On the jolly green private jet, Clark and Oliver discuss what could have happened to the fortress, as there's no sign of it, and Clark muses that Jor-El's way of "controlling" him was to take away his powers.  Oliver notes that it's "better than Lex walking around with the remote control to a Clarkbot," and I have to agree, though the Clex shippers probably don't.  Oliver says he's had lawyers on the Chloe situation, and it's clear that the DDS does not have her.  The only Luthorcorp facility he and his junior JLA haven't hit yet is in Montana, but as Dinah and A.C. have gone AWOL and Clark is "...kinda useless," he's wary about getting Chloe out of there.  Clark, however, is not.  Aww, y'all, I love these two bonding over their Watchtower.

At the Montana facility, Regan has Dinah and A.C. chained up, the better to taunt them.  Dinah has some sort of pointy thing at her throat to discourage her subsonic soprano, and A.C. is looking the worse for wear without water.  Regan wants to know where the Traveler is, since it's clear they weren't up north looking for Lex.

Meanwhile, Clark and Green Arrow bust into the facility.  I didn't realize this the first time I watched, but Clark is totally wearing Oliver's clothes.  Nice detail.  Clark wants to split up to cover more ground.  Oliver: "And what are you gonna do if you get caught?  Bite someone?"  Uh, you could give him one of your knives or something, dude.  But still.  Clark isn't in the mood to argue.

As Clark wanders the halls looking for Chloe, he runs into none other than Lois, posing as a guard.  Lois pretends he's an inmate out of his cell, and together they make quick work of the two other guards.  She arms herself while they trade banter about what the other one is doing there, and then set off together to find Chloe.

Regan visits Chloe strapped to her chair.  She refuses to help him further, but he reminds her delightedly of her mother, who had the mental ability to make people do things.  Lexentists were able to create a serum with her spinal fluid which has the same effect, though temporary.  He injects her with the serum and asks for the rest of Oliver's phone number, which she provides, and they see that lo and behold, he's in the building.  Regan and his cronies corner Green Arrow just as he's located Dinah and A.C.  Regan injects him with the serum and directs him to find out what happened to Lex, at all costs.

Clark and Lois bust into the lab where Chloe is being held.  Evil Dwight tasers Lois unconscious, but Clark knocks him out cold and releases Chloe's bonds.  They hug fiercely, and Clark explains about his powers.  Chloe warns him that Oliver has a target painted on his back, and Clark runs off to help him.

Unfortunately, when they run into each other, Oliver's number-one priority is no longer to help Chloe, but to find Lex.  He demands that Clark tell him Lex's whereabouts, and when Clark says he doesn't know, Oliver SHOOTS HIM IN THE SHOULDER, HOLY CRAP.  When Clark still doesn't cooperate, Oliver shoots him again, this time through the heart.  As Clark falls to the ground, the serum wears off, and Oliver rushes to Clark's side in a panic.  Chloe rushes up as well, and presses her all-healing hand against his chest.  (Interestingly, Clark begs her not to.  Hmm.  Does he not want to be saved, or is he just worried about what will happen to her?)  However, we have a problem: Chloe's power isn't working.

Clark sees a white light, followed by visions of Lana and his parents, and finally Martian Manhunter, who has joined the party as well.  As Clark loses consciousness, MM pulls him from Chloe's arms and blasts off through the window with him, into the sky, and up into space.

Clark wakes up in the barn loft, his powers returned to him.  MM explains that the sun was able to heal Clark, but that it had the opposite effect on himself: he has lost his powers.  And now with the fortress destroyed, Clark must find his destiny without Jor-El to guide him.  Eh, Jor-El's guidance was confusing at best, anyway.  Clark notes that even though many of his loved ones have left him, he has never really said goodbye; rather, he's been holding onto a life at this farm that has ceased to exist.  Oh, I think I'm gonna like these new showrunners.

At Luthor mansion, Tess reads a newspaper headline reporting Regan's disappearance.  As she whips the sheet off Lex's desk and sits down, an assistant comments that it suits her.  She quickly shoots that down, insisting that the desk is Lex's, and finding him is still their priority.  Tess is a little odd, but I appreciate the assurance from the writing staff that she's not meant as a replacement for Lex.  They've left the door wide open for his return, which is all we can ask.  The assistant hands over a briefcase recovered from the excavation site, and a photograph of a footprint in the snow which does not belong to Lex.  Um, okay.  Tess opens the briefcase to find the blue shield-shaped crystal that Clark used to create the fortress in the first place.  Dun dun dun!

At her Talon apartment, Chloe scans through online articles lightning -fast, wondering what the hell happened to her.  She hears a noise downstairs and goes down to find...oh hey, there's a character named Jimmy on this show.  He's relieved to see her, but before he can even apologize properly for making deals with Lex, she returns to the subject of their last conversation: a little thing about a marriage proposal.  Jimmy backtracks fast, not wanting to pressure Chloe into anything, and content to keep things the way they are, but Chloe surprises him by saying "yes" anyway.  Aww.

Clark meets Oliver, Dinah and A.C. in Metropolis, and there is a round of mutual thanks.  They set up the season for us: Lex's remains have not been found, so he's out there somewhere, plotting as only he knows how.  To make matters worse, Luthorcorp has seen their disguises, so they don't have security blankets anymore.  Clark suggests "we" split up, and Oliver grins that he'll soon be "sporting a homemade costume and leading a double identity," just like the rest of them.  He grins, and they go four ways.

Well, I dunno about the homemade costume -- Ma Kent is far, far away, after all -- but the double identity thing may be just around the corner.  At the Planet, Lois is working late.  Clark sits at the desk across from her, fiddling with a nameplate and giving her heartfelt props for showing her dad proud with a firearm.  She smiles and congratulates him on his "first attempt at heroism," and Clark bids her adieu until Monday morning, when he starts his new job at the Planet, thanks to her.  He smirks and leaves Lois with her mouth hanging open.  She turns over the nameplate: "Clark Kent."

AWESOME.  'Bout damn time.