Big Brother 10: Episode 1028

So it's pretty much all over now. The final two is secured, the jury is set, and April's made an appointment at the clinic to find out what the hell that rash is. Before we say goodbye to Season 10 on Tuesday's finale show, however, Big Brother found it necessary to ram another hour or rehashed crap from the entire season in the form of a recap show down our throats. Some scenes were bad, some scenes were good, and some scenes showed Angie in a bikini. More Big Brother after the jump...

Our wistful hour of reflection and remembrance is set right at the tiny little two-person Big Brother dinner table - Dan and Memphis have been rewarded with a nice-looking steak dinner with champagne and everything. As the two sit there and eat, their conversation sets up segues into clip collections of all the previous hamsters that have come and gone. It's very Scooby-Doo.

Who's first? Well, Jerry, of course. We get the token shot of April making Jerry feel her up on the first day (you think Jerry might've had a shot at April if Ollie weren't in the house? I wouldn't doubt it), and then an ungodly embarrassing scene of Jerry thinking he could write a rap song just because he had a brainfart and made two sentences rhyme. Yeah, go jet off to Lollapalooza, Grandpa Simpson. From there, we get a glimpse of the more uppity Jerry, back when he was hiding behind an entirely different set of people besides Dan, Memphis, Renny, and Keesha. We see Jerry calling Dan 'Judas' and Memphis a womanizer up in the HOH room. Hey, there's Angie in a bikini! ROWR!

Are we done with this crusty old bastard yet? No, we still have to go back to Week 1 when HE was the Judas by selling out Brian, despite his swearing on Semper Fi. Remember how he told Brian that whenever he wanted to talk to him, he should just make an X over his chest with his arms? Yeah, that wouldn't have gotten too conspicuous after a while at all. I think my favorite part of the scene up in HOH when everyone ganged up on Jerry and forced him to nominate Brian was how Jessie was basically telling him what to do, but wouldn't even turn his chair to look him in the face at the same time. Look, there's Angie sitting over in the corner of the HOH room! WOO-WOO!

I get even more Angie time when the flashbacks start focusing on Brian and the puppet show the two of them put on in the backyard. I don't think Brian's Renny puppet could've been more accurate even if Renny had passed away in the house and then been reincarnated in puppet form.

Jessie's up next, and to kick his clips off, we get a shot of the now-HILARIOUS night-vision shot of her freaking out because she thinks the bedroom door is locked. Best part about it was Steven just walking over and opening it. LOL. Oh, and Renny's face locked into that death scowl as she cackles. Is Jessie even in these Jessie-flashback clips? Oh yeah, here he is whining about how Renny woke him up. Shut up, Jessie. I love Renny's closing words on the whole matter, though - "I'll give them my cotton balls!" Right on.

Dan and Memphis take a stroll around the house with their champagne glasses to set up more segues, and here we are in the room that April and Ollie shared. More importantly, the bed that April and Ollie shared. Ugh. Take that thing outside and set it on fire. We get a few clips of April and Ollie lying around and talking all cutesy-wootsy to each other, but I'll spare you. You're welcome.

Time for some wistful reflections of Renny now, they kick it off by showing Renny's various impersonations of some of the other houseguests. She does quite a few of them, but her best one by FAR is of Libra. One eye open, the entitled swagger, and a drawled 'Baby, whatchoo cookin'?' had me in hysterics. Dead on.

Keesha's next, and I very much liked the relationship that was hinted at between her and Dan in the few clips that we saw. Maybe if BB had included some of them on the actual show... well, no matter. Dan and Keesha had a very big sister/younger brother kind of relationship, and it's shown by the endless amount of practical jokes the two played on each other. My favorite was Dan dumping a big-ass bucket of water on Keesha while she was in the shower, something I've done to my own older sister more times than I can even count. Besides the fleeting glimpses of Angie's leggy goodness sprinkled here and there, this was my favorite part of the episode by far. Very, very sweet.

Any look back at Keesha's run in the house wouldn't be complete without showing her 30th birthday, an event that was totally destroyed by Jessie picking a big-ass fight with Libra and crew that spread like wildfire throughout the entire house. Renny finally got everyone to stop screaming at each other long enough to sing 'Happy Birthday' to her over the cake she made, and man, I've heard happier singing in prison work camps. Hilarious. You know the scene in 'Office Space' where everyone's being made to sing for Bill's birthday even though they all hate him? Yeah, it was kinda like that.

Time for some more stuff we didn't see, and it's Dan's talk show, with your host - Dan! He's got himself all gussied up in some of Renny's outfits, and for guests on the show, he's got Keesha and Renny as fashion consultants, all set to makeover Angie. HURRAY. Angie comes in to the show wearing sweats and a t-shirt, but when they're done, she looks like a taller, younger Renny. I'm serious! Maybe it was just the wig, but when she first walked in the room, I swore it was her. Memphis shocks the hell out of me on the talk show by dressing up like one of the Village People, and even more nauseating innuendo is had between Ollie and April. Speaking of April, you know she couldn't go an entire season on television without flashing her vagina to the world at least once, right? Well, here we go - as she's sitting there on the couch with Ollie being interviewed by Dan, you can tell the bitch totally 'forgot' to wear underwear. The producers had to put a big flesh-colored blur mark over Bucky Beaver for the entire clip. Way to one-up your sister, skank. Go suck some cock on Cinemax, April. That'll show her.

Time for yet another dumbass to be featured, so hey! Here's Ollie and his ridiculous fear of birds. Not only that, but a quick glimpse into Dan's Fincher-esque Swim Club swimming school with Ollie and Renny shows us that he can't swim worth a damn, either. WTF? I wonder if Ollie could get home on a bus by himself if he had to. No wonder Ollie's never had a girlfriend. Would you date a guy who was couldn't swim and was afraid of freakin' birds?

Time to see all of Michelle's annoying crap again, so we see a few minutes of the chaos created when Dan helped to vote out Jessie, thereby setting up Michelle to win HOH. Michelle screams a lot, Libra's terrible weave threatens to fall right off her head at any moment, and that's about it.

Yes, that really is about it, as that's the end of the show. Memphis slurs drunkenly that he's just happy that the Renegades made it into the final two, but Dan is business as usual - if he needs to screw Memphis over to get himself the win, then he'll do it. Personally, I really don't see Memphis having any real shot at winning. He might get himself a few votes if Ollie and April decide to be the assrags that they are, but I'm not sure it will have much effect. Dan's got Keesha, Renny, and Michelle's votes pretty much in the bag, so all he really needs is one more. Was Jerry right about being the swing vote? What about Libra? I'm sure she'll pull a Dustin and vote for Dan just to show the world how much of a wonderful, giving person she is, anyway, so I'm not worried. Memphis would have to hand out more favors than April on New Year's Eve to have any chance of winning this thing, if you ask me.

Tuesday's the finale! See you there! And Angie! Angie will be there, too! HURRAY!

-littlebigmouth.