Big Brother: Episode 1026

The final push towards the end is on, and I'm not even talking about the contestants on Big Brother. I'm talking about us. Well, me, actually. This is the time in the season when I actually start paying attention to what's been happening on the live feeds and such, and I think it's a mixture of wanting to know what's happening way out there in the Big Brother house, and just attempting to wrap my head around the fact that it's finally going to be over in a matter of days. My summers have been dominated by this damn show for about four years now, and it gets me every time. Anyway, I'm getting far too sentimental about this piece of crap show, so let's just get to it. More Big Brother after the jump...

It's the final four now - Jerry, Dan, Memphis and Keesha, and if I'm not mistaken, I think it's high time for a good old-fashioned screw job by the dominating alliance in the house. It happens every year, doesn't it? We'll get to that in a moment, but first, let's check in with Keesha and Jerry, the two non-members of Dan and Memphis' Renegades alliance that has been running things in the house for weeks now. See, Dan nominated Jerry and Memphis last week, and that was basically all a ruse to both keep their alliance hidden and convince both Jerry and Keesha that they had any chance of getting through this week alive. I'm surprised that Dan and Memphis haven't turned on each other by now, seeming that right around final four time is when key alliances like theirs start to break apart out of sheer greed and short-sightedness. However, they've kept their pact with one another, and to me, it seems damn near impossible that these two aren't going to end up in the final two together no matter what happens. But wait... there's still a POV competition to be played, isn't there? Maybe I spoke too soon.

Dan and Memphis are running a two-pronged attack on Jerry and Keesha at the same time to keep them both in their place, and it's a smart one. Keep them both thinking that each of them have their backs, and in turn, they'll both be more than willing to bend over backwards to do whatever it takes to get themselves into the final three and beyond. Jerry plays like putty in Memphis' hands, and ditto for Keesha in Dan's. Both are convinced that their respective 'partners' in this are going to keep them around for the final three, so um... who's right?

Well, if the Renegades are smart, they'll keep Jerry around, mainly because he'll be far less of a threat in the final three-round HOH competition. Really all there is to it. What's more, the only way to keep the Renegades alliance shrouded in secrecy is for Memphis to win veto. Think about it - if Dan wins, he'll have to take Memphis off the block, thereby exposing their alliance to Jerry and Keesha. (I'd think that's what Jerry expects to happen anyway, but whatever.) If Keesha wins it, then they'll HAVE to vote out Jerry and set themselves up for a bigger fight for final HOH than they bargained for. If the worst-case scenario of Jerry winning POV happens, then that's something completely different. Keesha will go up against Memphis on the block, and Jerry will get to vote out whichever of them he wants. Not what the Renegades want at all, to say the least.

Anyway, it's time for Dan to take his luxury challenge trip to that 'remote island beach' he was promised last week, and all I can really think of is that they're going to dump him on Tom Sawyer's Island in Disneyland or something. Oh wait... there's always Catalina, isn't there? Well, anyway, Dan's whisked away from the house by limousine and helicopter, and before long, he's standing on that 'remote island beach' that's probably just the backyard of some CBS exec's house in Malibu or something. Michelle's waiting there for him (Dan picked her to go with him in order to try and get her vote in the finale), and the two spend the afternoon eating, kayaking, and trying to bullshit one another the best they can. Whether or not it made any impression on Michelle and her vote is kind of a toss-up at this point, but I will say that it was nice to see something a little different on Big Brother for a change. The whole 'talk to a juror' thing was an interesting little twist, or maybe it's the fact that it was THE ONLY TWIST WE GOT this season that's making me say that. Either/or. In any case, beaches are pretty.

Time for the POV competition now, and here's Chenbot and the useless studio audience to kick it off. The competition itself is a re-hash of the one that Zach won to get himself in the final three with Dick and Danielle back in Season 8. Entitled 'Stairway To Veto', the hamsters will have to assemble a ladder of sorts up to the top of a platform. To do so, they'll have to piece together two clues on each side of each step on the ladder that reveal the name an evicted houseguest. As they correctly guess each name by way of the clues, the stair will light up and they'll be allowed to start on the next step, and so on. First one to the top wins.

Dan has no intention of winning this, so even though he's way ahead of everyone else at one point, he purposefully slows himself down, even though he has no idea how far ahead or behind he is. He really wants Memphis to win this thing, obviously, so he's got one eye on him the whole time. Keesha does fairly well, Jerry can barely remember anyone's name who used to be in the house at all, so after a while, Memphis finally gets his shit together and wins the damn thing. Dan is relieved - this means his hands stay clean for the week by leaving it up to Memphis to decide who goes home.

Both Jerry and Keesha have no idea if their potential F2 deals are going to stick. Remember - both of them think that Memphis is going to save their asses and vote the other one out. Dan and Memphis have a decision to make here. Do they go safe and boot Keesha? Or do they stick to their alliance and boot Jerry? The consensus after a few chats in HOH seems to be that Keesha is going, and she must've smelled it in the air or something, because here she comes up to HOH to see what's going on. The three of them make nice for a while, but Memphis gets Keesha's mind working by dropping the line 'At least you didn't unpack' when they all start talking about how Dan's going to have to put Keesha up in Memphis' place at the POV ceremony. Um, dumbass? She's not supposed to guess that you're planning to vote her out, remember?

Keesha puts two and two together the next day, and needless to say, she's not happy. She goes up to HOH to ask the boys about it, and it's over - they can't hide it any longer. Keesha loses it a bit and kicks in the waterworks, and she even goes so far as to pledge her vote away from the person who votes her out this week. Gee, who's that going to be? Can you say... Memphis? Dan's gotta be secretly happy about that fact, especially because Keesha let slip that she'd do her best to change the votes in the jury house to reflect badly on Memphis, as well. Uh, I like the sentiment, sweetie, but I think Memphis has done that job on his own just fine.

Keesha bitches the two of them out for a while in the living room, but it's Dan who's smart enough to go after her when she goes into the sauna to bawl it out for a while. He's running damage control here, and he does so by lying his ass off to her about how he secretly wants to keep her, and that it's Memphis that really wants her out. Keesha eats that shit up hook line and sinker, and she pledges Dan her vote in the end no matter what happens. Once again, Dan's gotta be secretly happy about that, too.

Time for the eviction ceremony, and Dan's total ownage of Keesha is complete when Memphis vetoes himself and then votes Keesha out. To quote the luxury competition, Keesha's not exactly one to bury the hatchet here, as she skips talking to Memphis entirely and instead focuses her exit speech on Dan, thanking him for her support and help throughout the time they've been here. To thank her (and manipulate her even further for her vote), Dan's even got the brass cajones to give her a parting gift or two as she walks out the door. One of the rubber ducks from the bathtub is the first present she gets, and the second comes in the form of something whispered in her ear right as she's leaving. I didn't even have to turn up the volume on my TV to figure out what it was, either - he was obviously telling her that he took Michelle on his trip outside the house. Nice! One last attempt to get some votes turned in his favor out in the jury house, and I like it. If Dan can actually pull this off... Good lord. Remember the early days of Dan in the house this season? Yeah, me too. Who woulda thunk it?

Dan's exit strategy on Keesha continues even as she's sitting out there with Chenbot and the useless studio audience. His goodbye message to her is priceless - his lies about how he wanted to keep her in the house against the wishes of the big bad Memphis are still right there for her to believe, and with any luck, she'll take them with her to the jury house so that she can start spreading the message to everyone else there.

Time for round one of the final three-part HOH competition now, and as expected, it's endurance. Jerry, Dan, and Memphis are strapped to the top of three airplanes out in the backyard, and as you'd expect, they're pitched and rolled around like crazy as the three guys struggle to hang on. The winner of this round goes immediately to Round 3 of the competition, and the two losers battle it out in Round 2 for a spot next to them. Jerry should be out of the house next no matter what happens (can anyone honestly see him winning final HOH?), but I dunno - Memphis has always seemed like a loose cannon to me, and no matter how suicidal it may be, I can totally see him ditching Dan and taking the old codger to the finals. Don't ask me why - I just can.

Almost there. Thursday's the rest of HOH and the final eviction, Sunday's a recap show for whatever reason (WTF?), and Tuesday's the finale. My gut's telling me that Dan's going to win it, but I dunno. He's probably got Keesha, Renny, and Michelle's votes by now, but as for Libra, Ollie, April, and (probably) Jerry? That's gonna be tight. Ollie and April will vote as a block no doubt, Jerry MIGHT do the kinda-sorta honorable thing and vote for the best player to win (or just vote for Memphis out of spite), and that leaves Libra as the swing vote. Knowing that bitch, she'll probably vote for herself.

See you Thursday!

-littlebigmouth.