Top Design - "Impress the Best" (Season Premiere, Episode 201)

I must admit that I didn't watch the last season of "Top Design", but when I learned that Bravo enlisted the help of the brains behind both "Project Runway" and "Top Chef" for this season, the "Bravo reality junkie" in me just couldn't resist. So, our hostess, India Hicks, welcomes us and says that 13 of the country's top interior designers will be facing off in ten challenges, designed to test their abilities. They will be judged by "author, retailer and decorator" Jonathan Adler, Margaret Russell, editor-in-chief of Elle Decor and Kelly Wearstler, one of "the most influential designers in America." (Never heard of her.) The winner of "Top Design" gets $100,000, a spread in Elle Decor and the "right to say they have the Top Design." Cue theme song and the 13 faces we'll grow to know, love and (in some cases) hate.

Our first designer to arrive in LA is Nathan Thomas from the Big Apple. He says he's "always had an eye for design...from the moment I came out of my mom's ya-ya." Alrighty, then. Ondine Karady is a set decorator who worked on "Sex and the City." From her experience in the "fashion forward" world of Carrie and the gang opened her eyes to the real world of interior design. Shazia Kirmani has owned her own interior design firm for two years and feels what sets her apart from the other compeitors is that she's "brown" (skin-tone, wise.) Way to stand out, Shazia! She goes on to say that it's unusual for a Pakistani to be a designer and not a doctor, lawyer or engineer. Perpetuate those streotypes! Oh, yay! It's time for the Chris March of this competition, my own little gay design bear, 40-year-old Kerry Howard, who says that everyone calls him "Big Daddy." I'm sure they do. He said as a kid, he borrowed $1,000 from his parents to remodel his bedroom. His parents were so impressed with his work that they asked him to remodel the whole house. Andrea Schroder is a full-time mom, who just happens to be married to Rick(y) "Silver Spoons" Schroder. She loves flipping homes. Eddie Ross is the senior style editor for Martha Stewart Living magazine, but wants to eventually have his own magazine and products. Nataile Williams is a young (24) designer and doesn't feel intimidated by anyone else in the group. Preston Lee has had his own, LA-based business for six years and boy, is he a cutie. He's worked for stars such as Janice Dickinson and Kelsey Grammer and feels he can "bring something to the table that will definitely win this competition." Wisit (nope, that's not a typo) Prapong is a fashion designer-turned-interior designer. He talks very slowly, kind of like the tortoise in the old Warner Brothers cartoons, and confesses that he once wanted to be an opera singer - and giving us a small demonstration. Hey, leave the mediocre singing to "America's Got Talent", will ya?

Before we get a chance to meet the rest of the designers, judge/hostess (and designer) India Hicks and mentor Todd Oldham enter the room. India introduces the first challenge - the gang are given two days to redecorate an entire apartment. They are going to be broken up into four teams (the team with an extra member gets less time to work). Each team will be working for a different client, who can be difficult and opinionated. Todd reminds them to make sure their personality and vision shows through along with the client's. The teams are matched up courtesy of different colored paint swatches. The red team is made up of Nathan, Ondine, Wisit and Las Vegas interior designer Teresa Keegan. She says she's tired of the "bling bling, zing zing" of Sin City and is looking forward to doing something different. The green team is made up of Shazia, Andrea and Serge Van Lian, a self-professed "unschooled" designer from NYC. He says he's "intuitive" and likes to break the rules. What a rebel. The blue team is Preston, Kenny and Robert Reid, a Houston-based designer whose "signature" is his attention to detail. Lastly, we have the orange team, made up of Eddie, Natalie and architect Jennifer Newsom, who thinks she brings something "original" to the competition.

The teams are taken to see the lofts they will be desiging. The orange team arrive at their place and meet their "client," Jonathan Adler. The red team will be designing for Kelly Wearstler. Nathan said that seeing her caused his stomach to drop to the floor. The blue team are designing for Elle Decor's Margaret Russell. Big Daddy Kenny seems quite delighted. This, of course, means the green team are designing for India. Back at orange, Jonathan tells his team he wants "a foundation of chic with a couple of bold gestures and surprises." And it has to be "dog friendly." It's a gorgeous, open two-story loft with concrete floors that probably costs more a month than what my house is worth. Natalie asked Jonathan what the most important piece of furniture is and he sais it was the sofa. Jonathan concluded that he wanted to walk in his front door and feel happy - and made sure to point out the bright blue water in the toilet (I guess that makes him happy too?)

The red team gets their direction from Kelly. She wants a her dining room to also be able to function as an office, she likes to collect china, art and "unusual things" and emphasized that there were to be "no TVs." She tells them to check out thrift stores and flea markets to find these "unusual things." Margaret tells her blue team that she hates beige and neutral colors and loves hot pink and cobalt blue. She also is drawn to abstract art and collages and is "a book and TV person" who doesn't like a cluttered bedroom. India tells her team that she wants her loft to have a "Caribbean plantation feel" (whatever that means...slaves?) adding that her vision includes "warm colors, not modern, lots of textures - seagrass and wooden floors." Andrea feels like she's on the same page as her client. Each team is left with a note that informs them thay they only have a budget of $2,000 to furnish and decorate the whole loft. Well, this will make things interesting.

The teams have 30 minutes to plan before heading out for supplies. The orange team, whose concept is "chic and dreamy", are discussing color and Eddie seemed to think that Jonathan was serious about that toliet water, so he thought they should go with bright shades of blue and orange. The red team ("form over function") are working together to make Kelly's loft as sophisticated and subtle as possible. Nathan wants visual impact. The blue team ("crisp and glamorous") are already clashing a bit, as the more conservative Robert is leaning toward greys and Preston and Kenny are trying to move toward the brighter hues. The green team ("Caribbean classic") are pairing linen draps with dark hardwood floors. Since Andrea's apparently "done this a million times before", she's put in charge, instead of "modern" Shazia and "ecclectic" Serge. Serge feels that, in order to win, he's got to get his voice into the project more.

The teams spilt up to do some shopping. Half are taken to a thrift store and the other half go to a junkyard with $500 in hand and they all have one hour to shop. Some of the designers find some good deals at the thrift store, like plates and used books - and Andrea finds a sofa for $75. Shazia was having a hard time getting Serge to focus at the junkyard. Maybe he was trying to ignore her suggestion of using two concrete vases with a big piece of wood slapped on top of them to make a table (it didn't sound like a good idea to me either.) She thinks they shouldn't operate out of the box for this challenge. Back on the orange team, Eddie and Natalie are tearing around looking for items that scream "dreamy" and "panache." I'm not sure if the ugly wicker chandelier Eddie found was either of those things. Eddie likes to mix modern with classical, but I couldn't read his face when Natalie showed him an ugly "modern" (if the 1970s is "modern") chandelier. Kenny and Robert do a little haggling at the junkyard to furnish Margaret's loft and make it look "clean, minimalistic, sexy and feminine." They were searching for sone "wow factors" at the junkyard, and found some "awesome" iron gates to hang in the kitchen. Preston was only able to find one sofa and loveseat - and they were pink. Preston maxed out his budget and was counting on Robert and Kenny to find some lapms at the junkyard.

The next morning, India greets the designers in their apartment and tells them they're not going to work on the lofts just yet, she's got a surprise for them on the balcony. It's a bunch of shadowbox frames in various sizes. India says that it's time for a pop quiz, or in the case of this show, a "pop design." Each player (separate from their team) has to create a frame using some of the items from their apartment. All four judges will pick the winner, who will have immunity at elimination. They have 30 minutes to create their work and install it in the common area of their apartment for judging. Eddie, who says he's a "walking butler's pantry" assembled some silver bowls and such in his frame. Preston's piece, which I like to call "Every Saturday Night" was a collage of pills, cigarettes, playing cards and booze. He said he's lost a lot of family members to their vices and wanted to show that in an artistic way. Wisit told us he was going to frame pictures of some of his fashion designs. He talsk slow, but he draws very quickly. Shazia was having trouble with her concept, mounting a bunch of apples in a shadow box, because she was foolishly attempting this sans adhesive. The glass broke on one of Nathan's frames and he wanted to kill himself. Time's up.

The judges move from to display to display. Shazia's box o' apples failed to impress, obviuosly looking like she ran out of time. Andrea says her theme is "peace", represented by a peace sign. Yeah...ummm...well, there were rocks on the top of the frame too. And, ha! Jonathan pointed out that it wasn't a peace sign, it was a Mercedes Benz logo! The judges were impressed with Wisit's drawings. Eddie called his piece "Nesting" and the judges were surprised that all of the bowls and such came from his personal collection. Who brings silver with them on what amounts to an extended vacation? Natalie's piece, "New Year's Eve" was basically some of her jewelry and a calendar in frames. Yawn. Robert's piece, "Basic Needs," was a bunch of spoons in one frame, and a plier and a corkscrew (I think) in two smaller frames. Kerry did "Paper and Grass", rolling up some woven placemets and jamming them in a small box frame. Teresa did "Nature in a Box", putting a flower, a plant and a rock in the frames. Ho hum. Jennifer used tribal prints, folk dolls and pictures for her "Strong Women" piece. Although India didn't see the theme, she liked the work. Ondine recently got married, so she hung some plastic monkeys on fabric and called it "Monkey Marriage." Ooookkkkaaaayyyy. Rebel Serge called his piece "Breaking the Rules", framing a chipped vase and the unusual pairing of a beer bottle and a jar of peanut butter. Nathan interpreted "Cleanliness Next to Godliness" with broken glass, a toothbrush, an apple with a bite taken out of it and a statue of Jesus. What happened to interior design? This isn't "Top Abstract Artist"!

After that painful exhibition, the judges pick their least favorite works - Natalie's "middle school" work, Serge's hot mess, Teresa's crimes against nature and Shazia's sad apples. The judges' favorites were Eddie's silver cabinet, Kerry's placemats, Ondine's monkeys and Wizit's fashion drawings. All four of them receive immunity. Andrea's nervous that the bottom two are on her team.

The teams have ten hours to work on their lofts. Ondine wants all of the painting and wallpaper done the first day. Nathan is freaked out about all of the "labor" and is worried because both of his teammates have immunity. Andrea's team got the wrong shade of wallpaper. It's a big setback for them. On the blue team, Robert and Preston were clashing heads - uber-organized Robert was making Preston feel like he was working for an engineering firm. Andrea took it upon herself to clean the (filthy) sofa she bought for India's loft. She left instructions with her teammates to turn off the water in the sink in five minutes and then went outside to continue working. Somehow, I don't think this was a good idea on her part. And, as the sink started to overflow, my fears were confirmed. Shazia found the mess, all of the fabric and wallpaper is saturated with water. Andrea is starting to think this challenge is a "trainwreck" and I think she wants to throttle Shazia. Over on team orange, Eddie feels that Jennifer was taking a "super long" time working on Jonathan's precious sofa. Blue team Robert was learning how to use a sewing machine, because he had to sew pillows and window coverings. Between these three guys, there's not one who can sew? robert also has to build some lapms, which he promised Preston he'd do, so his plate is overflowing right now. Preston, in the process of painting some canvas for a picture to hang on the wall, got paint the floor, which seeped through the cheap canvas. Oopsie!

The next day, the teams only have four hours to finish up before elimination. Ondine sees a picture of Andrea and the side of her husband's head and notes that he looks "just like Ricky Schroder." Andrea is hoping to gain recognition on her own, and doesn't really want anyone to know about her famous hubby. The teams go back to the lofts and scramble to get everything done. Over at team green, Serge is taking way too long on the hardwood floors, and Andrea has to stop her decorating to help him. Nathan is hoping that the judges won't still see him as "razor blades, broken glass and Jesus" after this challenge. I kind of like Preston's abstract painting - an odd, electric blue shape on a stark, white canvas. Kerry tries to keep the peace between the squabbling Robert and Preston. Robert got the sewing done, but isn't sure if he's going to be able to finish the lamps in time. Jennifer builds a dog bed for the "dog friendly" Jonathan. Todd finally shows up for some guidance. He says he's impressed with what the teams have accomplished so far. Andrea thought the downstairs part of her loft was a mess and wanted to put her stamp on the upstairs bedroom, with a little helo from Todd. Robert didn't get the lamps done, but feels they really didn't need them. And, time's up!

It's time for the clients/judges to see the work. Jonathan (team orange) loves the dog bed and is enthusiastic about one of the lamps. And that's all the input we get. The team went for a "easy, breezy, Caspian sea" theme and used a palette of blues downstairs and oranges in the bedroom. Not bad. Next, Margaret leads the judges to her blue team's "crisp and glamorous" loft. I thought they were going to do something with the pink sofa, but it looks really ratty and out of place with all of the blue. They kept a lot of the white intact and picked accessories that evoked "Hollywood glamour." All I saw was "thrift store." Kelly notes that there weren't any lamps. Uh-oh. Margaret was disappointed about the lighting as well. India saw the efforts of her green team and their attempt to create "Caribbean casual." India's not having Serge's mirror angled up against the wall (it's pretty bad, actually.) India added that the sofa frightened her. Andrea threw Shazia under the bus and said that she didn't put all of the stuffing back into the cushions after the covers were cleaned. Shazia retorted that Andrea told her to do that. To her credit, Andrea's bedroom was nice. Shazia was annoyed that Andrea seemed to be taking credit for everything. Kelly seemed to be pretty happy with the red team's efforts, and their loft did seem to be the best looking and most cohesive of the four. Since they didn't get to see their competitors' designs, no one knows what to expect at elimination.

It's time for the judges to chime in. First up, the orange team. Jonathan said theor loft was "really nice". Margaret said the colors were beautiful and reflected Jonathan's style. Jonathan loved the billowy drapes and beachy feel - but told them to avoid becoming too "Golden Girls." All-in-all, he felt it had a "nice spirit." The other team that impressed the judges was the red team. Kelly said they totally listened to her and delivered on her demands. Margaret said the team made a lot of impressive decorating decisions. India announces that the red team is the winning team. It's down to the blue and green teams. Margaret said she was disappointed about her team's decision to go with dusty rose (on the sofa) instead of hot pink. Kerry sort of threw Preston under the bus for choosing the sofas. Kelly said she liked the kitchen, but was "shocked" by the bedroom (with its awful floral print wallpaper.) Jonathan said the space just "didn't work." Preston was asked if there was a weak member on the team, and he couldn't come up with one. Kerry agreed, but Robert piped up and said that Preston was the weakest link, with no time management skills. Margaret brought up the lighting and Preston called out Robert. India told her team that they didn't fulfill her clear and precise plan. Margaret said the bedroom delivered a little of what India had envisioned. Shazia finally admitted that she was to blame for the condition of the sofa. Serge was also called out for spending far too much time on the flooring. Andrea felt that she did everything and was the "unofficial leader." When Shazia was asked who the weakest member of the team was, she said Serge. Andrea agreed and, of course, Serge thought Shazia should go.

The judges once again deliberated about the bottom two. Margaret admitted that she really liked the paintings in her loft, but said that the designers didn't listen to her other requests. Jonathan said that although Margaret's loft was bad, India's was worse and it would have been even worse if Andrea wasn't there. Serge was called out for not being a team player and didn't like the "jaunty angle" of the mirror, which Jonathan called "subversive." They narrow it down to Preston, Robert, Shazia and Serge...and one of them is going home.

The judges have made their decision - and it's time to say goodbye to "subversive" Serge. This season on Top Design, decorating boot camp, sqabbles over pillows, cat fights, more singing from Wisit, the "Project Runway" designers and a parade of bad hats from Kelly. This is going to be fun!