America's Got Talent - More from the Top 40! (Episode 312)

Live from Los Angeles, it's time to crush the dreams of five acts and pick five more to move on to the top 20. After the usual overblown introductions and meaningless banter with the judges, it's time to find out which acts are moving on after last Wednesday's performances. Once again, to pad out our two-hour extravaganza, we first get to see highlights of the performances and then it's time for the slow 'n' painful announcements. Jerry first calls up Frank Sinatra impersonator (and my personal favorite) Paul Salos and the cougar-packed burlesque troupe Slippery Kittens. Just like last week, one stays and one goes, and America did me proud and moved Paul on to the top 20.

Next, squeaky-clean (and somewhat bland) trio the Wright Kids are pitted against snappy dancer/mediocre trombone player Jonathan Arons - and the kids win out. I'm sorry to see the cute Jonathan go, but I suppose he really had no chance against a bunch of cute kids who had some distinctly discernable musical ability. Next is Iraq vet/singer Daniel Jens and George the Giant, who was great until last week. Of course, Daniel is sticking around - any other decision would be unpatriotic! I'm sure Kazual knew they were done for when they were called up with diva-in-training Queen Emily. No shocker, the queen reigns for another week. Up last is Beyond Belief Dance Company and inexplicably popular dancing balloons The Zooperstars. They came in 5th and 6th, so it's up to the judges to decide their fate. Piers (obviously) chooses the BBDC, as he's made his outright contempt of the balloons clear since day one. Sharon, who must've have either been rooting around in Ozzy's medicine cabinet or sharing scotch and cheeeburgers with Hoff before the show, actually picked the Zooperstars. What? Hoff will be the voice of reason here, right? Nope, he actually picks the dumb balloons. Huh? Even Jer-ry seems surprised. No cheeseburger for you, Hoff! Well, at least I was 3 for 5 this week - and my favorite still remains. So, anyway...on to this week's "talent."           

Up first on tonight's cavalcade of talent is "high-kicking" college dance squad the Texas State Strutters. Piers calls them the "Stepford wives of the competition." Sharon says they need to prove that a show can be built around them. These ladies sure must like Earth, Wind and Fire, because they're hoofing it up to another one of their tunes, "Boogie Wonderland," tonight. I wasn't impressed with their "precision dance" moves before and tonight they turn in another somewhat lackluster performance. They do a lot of high-kicking for sure, but Sharon's right, they can't even muster enough variety for a three minute routine. Piers buzzes them and Sharon soon follows suit. Hell, even Hoff exercises his buzzer finger (for the first time since the top 40 started performing.) Piers said they were "boring" and said that with their "cheesy grins and all that leg movement," they were more suited to be synchronized swimmers. Sharon again said that although what they did was "very nice", she again reiterated that it wouldn't be a good Las Vegas revue and called them "amateur." Hoff says he thinks he had just eliminated dancers he thought were better than they were and called them "swirly" - which I think isn't a good thing. The girls' rebuttal was that they did the best they could and had "the time of our lives." Aaah, gracious losers.

Our second act of the evening is (now former) music teacher Michael Strelo-Smith. He's got the support of his former students. Sharon is still wondering if Michael did the right thing in giving up a paying gig for dreams of stardom. He chooses (perhaps unwisely) to sing "I Am What I Am" from "La Cage Aux Folles" and he really comes off sounding like he stumbled out of a local dinner theater. Piers and Sharon buzz him during his first chorus, and Mike's visibly pissed (and even sings angrily!) It was a really bad song choice and with Neil Boyd around, Mike's got some really, super-serious competition. Piers looked at everything about Michael tonight - from the way he dressed, to his hair, his singing, his performance and his movement - and concluded "karaoke." Michael got all defensive and sassy and said he was sorry that Piers couldn't see what was inside of him. He kept arguing with Piers and getting the audience all riled up until Sharon finally had to tell him to "zip it." She told him that she loved his determination, but that his performance "screamed music teacher" to her. Again, Michael lept on the defensive. Easy there, Mr. Touchy. He's not endearing himself to anyone right now. Hoff said he liked that Mike never gives up and did a "damn good job." At least Hoff shut him up. Mike said he's "not here to be sent away," but I think after tonight, he may be.

Magician Bruce Bloch is next to take the stage. This 20-year veteran of magic has done some cool tricks in the past, and claims he's "put my life savings on the line" for tonight's performance. Hoff hopes he can deliver. We all do, actually. According to my husband, the act starts promisingly, as Bruce takes the stage with five little people. He says that tonight he wants to prove that he's more than a "one-trick pony" and demonstrate the "latest in science and innovation" by sawing a horse in half. When he brings out the horse, it's (of course) two guys in a horse outfit - but they're not even trying to look connected. This bit of "comedy" gets a buzzer from Piers. Bruce than says that he's now going to have to put the horse back together. The fake horse is put in a box and - abra-cadabra - a real pony and oversized jockey magically appear. Wow. Really? That's it? I miss his talking bunny bit from last season. (And now, all I can imagine is that little people must be really expensive.) What the hell are these people doing? Last week Shimshi screwed the pooch with a ho-hum card trick and now this? Apparently NBC has a thing against magicians. Piers just didn't get it and thought he let down the whole magic community in the process by doing "the oldest trick in the book." Sharon liked the pony. And that's it. Hoff was confused and didn't think his act came together. I hate it when I agree with Hoff.                  

I have very high hopes for the next act, drag queen/opera singer Shequida. He/she dazzled the judges with his/her singing - both as a soprano and a bass. He said that "Shequida" started as a joke at a costume party. He says he's different - a "black drag queen" (nothing really different about that) who "sings opera" (okay, that's a little different), from Jamaica (nope, back to ordinary-land.) He's singing an anthem dedicated to everyone who's "struggled and felt put down." Sharon isn't sure America is going to "get" Shequida. You think? For whatever reason, Shequida thought it would be a good idea to combine opera with disco - and used her incredible pipes to sing "I Will Survive." I love you Sheq, and you kind of remind me of Angela Bassett in "What's Love Got to Do with It?" (extra love points), but all I could think about during this performance was Ethel Merman's disco album. Wildly inappropriate. Tonight's theme could be "When Bad Performances Happen to Good People." Sheesh, four bad ones in a row. Shaquida has a beautiful opera voice - when singing disco, it sounds like a cat being tortured. Yikes. Piers said it was a "very, very high-pitched noise" and thought at times that it sounded like his "kid's pet rabbit being strangled." Sharon said she looked "stunning" but thought the song was a bit high. Hoff called her a "one man, one woman party" (whatever that means) but said she was a bit too "campy" tonight. I hope Shequida gets another chance and goes back to what he/she's good at.

The Von Trapps...I mean the Tabul Family...is up next. They promise to take on a song that no one would expect them to play and say they're not as "old-fashioned" as people would believe. Well, I, for one was shocked when I figured out that they were singing Rhianna's "Umbrella" and wisely (in this day and age of the Jonas Brothers) put the handsome young sons in front. I wasn't too jazzed about their last performance (of "The Sound of Music") but this time, they kind of won me over. They harmonize very well and (easily) delivered the best performance of the night so far. Piers said that this would be the time when he'd want to cut a few family members out of the act but thought that the whole family "worked" and noted that even Dad looked trendy this time. Sharon said the evening was "looking grim" before they came on and were a welcome ray of sunshine. Hoff liked them singing "The Sound of Music" better but said that tonight's performance proved that they could have an "edge" if they needed to. This is the first act tonight that I see definitely moving on.

Phew! We're halfway through! And, finally, it's the return of baton twirler Jonathan Burkin. We haven't seen him since he wowed the judges with his audition performance and Hoff seems overly excited about tonight's performance. In keeping with his theme of the bullies not being able to keep him down, Jonathan picks Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" as the accompaniment for his routine. He comes onstage with flaming batons and he remains "on fire" (pardon the pun) for his whole routine. I never liked baton twirlers until tonight. He is truly a standout performer, spinning two and three flaming batons at a time and never missing a beat. Hoff even cheers out loud for him. I think he may have achieved "underdog status" tonight. Piers told Jon that his performance was "incredible" and admired him for "never making mistakes." Sharon said he was "so exciting" and "sensational." Hoff thinks Jon is "the best baton twirler in the world." Hell, if a bunch of dancing balloons can make it into the top 20, why not a baton twirler?

For those of you following the non-distinct blonde female singers this season, you may remember Sarah Lenore. I don't. To her credit, she does have more personality that the shy one we saw last week. Sharon says she has to stand out. Sarah decided to choose a more controversial song and "push the envelope" a bit. She did pick one of the few country songs I actually like, Dixie Chicks' "Not Ready to Make Nice," and did a rather decent rendition. Of course, with the majority of what we've seen tonight, she could have hummed it and moved on from this bunch, but she was pretty good. She was a bit nervous though, she knocked one of her earrings off before the judges' critique. Piers was worried about her nerves at the beginning but called her overall performance "stunning." Sharon said her voice was "amazingly strong" but wanted her to make sure she didn't shout. Hoff said "she's got it" and bets that she'll be in the top ten.               

Next up is a group of dance instructors "who take their love of dance to the streets," Sickstep. Gee, I forgot about them too. These guys, "from widely diverse backgrounds," are united by their love of the dance. Piers wants them to prove him wrong - as he seems to think they're no more than street entertainers. Hoff says they have to be on their game tonight. The guys go old school with their music, James Brown's "Get Up Off of That Thing" but dance their asses off. As with a lot of the big dance troupes on the show, they get a teeny bit sloppy in places, but they're 250% better than the chicks from Texas. Piers admitted that they, indeed, were more than street entertainers. Sharon said they "owned the stage" and delivered a fun performance. Hoff said they were "sick" and told them to bring "more attitude" the next time. And there will be a next time for these guys.

I know I have a short attention span, but I totally don't remember seeing contestant number nine, impressionist Matthew Piazzi, before. He confessed that he not only made friends, but found direction in his life from imitating celebrities. Hoff says that to take America by storm, Michael is going to have to do more than just impressions. Can he? I'm not sure, as the first impression he does is Ah-nold, which every hack impressionist can do. Then he does Nicholson, which doesn't help. He saves himself with a great Vince Vaughn, followed by an equally impressive George Clooney. Matthew than takes these characters into a "group sing-a-long" of "Great Balls of Fire." Piers buzzes him, but his George Clooney is really good. He can play piano, he can sing, and if he aced the hacky impersonations, he'd be golden. Piers thinks he "blew it big time" and thought it was a mistake for him to go to the piano. (We've never seen him before, Piers, I think he was smart to show that he could entertain for more than an hour.) Sharon loved the impersonations but thought he needed to work on his writing. Hoff thought he did great. He's so the Paula.

Our last act tonight (thank God, tonight felt like every single minute of the two hours) is Elvis impersonator Joseph Hall. He's got a lot to prove tonight, as his performance at the Vegas callbacks was less-than-impressive (and he kind of came off looking like a douche.) According to Joe, 18 months ago he was working at his Dad's restaurant and thought that was as far as he was going to go, but one night at a Halloween party changed his life. Sharon wants Joe to "let down his guard and let us see who he really is." Piers says that the shy Joe "has to face up and fill the biggest shoes in entertainment history." Joe vows to be "the best Elvis I can be." Well, complete with black and white film, we get Joe's tribite to "Jailhouse Rock." I love a good Elvis impersonator as much (and possibly more, but that's another story) than anyone, but I felt like Joe hasn't had a grasp of the King since his audition. It, again, was kind of lackluster - despite the back-up dancers, costumes and sets. Piers told Joe that he had a "polarizing effect" on the audience - the guys booed and the girls went crazy - and added that he felt Joe's singing was a "bit wobbly" and he lacked the confidence he had in his first audition. He thought he was taking himself "too seriously." Sharon agreed with Piers and missed the "naughtiness" that Joe had the first time around. Hoff said that singing and dancing at the same time was the hardest thing he's ever done in his - cough, cough - illustrious career, but agreed that he may have lost his mojo a bit.

Wow. That was a painfully long two hours. It's hard to pick a top five tonight because most of them were undeserving of moving on based on tonight's performances. I thought long and hard (and voted for Shequida and Jonathan on nbc.com in the interim) but I honestly think that America - and the judges - will move Sarah Lenore, The Tabul Family, Jonathan Burkin, Sickstep and Joseph Hall into the top 20. We'll find out how I did tomorrow!