America's Got Talent - More Atlanta and New York Auditions (Episode 304)

I'm having deja vu, Jer-ry is back in Atlanta. And I'm getting homesick. Aaahh...The Varsity....They were here last week, weren't they? Yeah, they made a fuss about the Hoff being "Atlanta's hometown boy" (even though he's from Maryland.) I guess they got short shrift last week or something. Or, the show is just such a ratings smash that NBC threw together another show to capitalize on the series' success and get more ad dollars. Yeah, that sounds right. 29-year-old health inspector Billy Dodson (I wonder if he gets razzed about that awful Larry the Cable Guy movie - hell, he even looks like a slightly beefier LTCG) hopes that he's got a million dollar talent. He takes the stage and sings opera - in a feminine falsetto. Hardly the voice anyone expected to come outta this guy. Piers buzzed him immediately and Sharon and Hoff soon followed suit. I actually thought he was pretty good. He looked like he was going to kick some major ass when he got booted. Sharon told him to "sing like a man."

Oh crap, it's another kid. At least I don't think she's going to sing. Ten-year-old Alexandra Pyles learned her talent from her Dad (whose sideburns should be entered in the competition - they're quite impressively groomed.) She's a teeny stuntwoman! As someone who wanted to be a stuntwoman when I was a kid (a result of watching way too many episodes of "Wonder Woman" and "The Bionic Woman"), I thought she was really good, and has a promising career ahead of her. Piers, apparently, didn't think so. I guess watching her pretend to beat the crap out of her Dad wouldn't make an entertaining show in Vegas. Hoff asked Alex to be her security guard and said she was "cool" and "creative." Piers is having a hard time believing that her act would work in Vegas - and so did Sharon, who said she should star in a martial arts flick or something. When it comes to the big vote, Hoff votes yes, Piers says no and Sharon asks if she can bring more for the semifinals and Alex promises to take on a group of attackers. So, faced with the prospect of seeing a child get beat up by an unruly mob, Sharon sends her off to Vegas.

Sigh, another singer. 19-year-old waitress Sarah Lenore says music is her life and her passion. She recently moved to Nashville and is trying to get her big break. She's a very pretty girl and tears through an acoustic version of "Before He Cheats" and she's actually pretty good. The judges move her along, but Sharon warns her to get some individuality, as the world really doesn't need another blonde country crooner (and especially not Jessica Simpson!) Gee, it must be "crazy facial hair day" on AGT, as the next contestant, Flambeaux, has some outrageous sideburns as well. He does a "fire act" which invloves him wearing a flaming headdress while shooting flames out of his mouth. This flamer is heading to Vegas. Nichole Romana is a pole champ and does a very acrobatic routine. Hoff is more than happy to tell her that she's heading to the semifinals (I'm sure Hoff had a "semi" of his own after her act.) The African dance troupe Giwayen Mata, who we only get to see a snippet of (I would have much rather seen their whole act than the singer, but that's just me, I guess) also move on. SQ Entertainment, a dance troupe made up of a bunch of guys who are all cousins, are up next. They dance and flip all over the stage and got the crowd to their feet. Hoff loved them because they made him laugh. And, of course, they're Vegas bound.

The audition train rolls into New York...again. Sheesh. Hoff proves to be more of a tourist draw in Times Square than the Naked Cowboy. "Local Harlem guys" The James Gang, are a nattily-attired bunch (kniclers, newsboy caps, bow ties and argyle socks!) and tell of life in the mean streets of NYC. If they wore these outfits around Harlem, I'm sure life was tough for them. They don't take kindly to argyle socks in the 'hood. They promise a mash-up of the old and the new and deliver a fun, different performance, combining rapping, singing and dancing. They easily win over the crowd and judges and get their ticket to Vegas.

11-year-old Victoria Jacoby is clad in a hot pink bodysuit, so at least she's not singing either. Her parents adopted her from China and her mother says she's got "natural talent." She's a contortionist, and a really amazing one at that. (But is there really such a thing as a bad contortionist?) She totally twists her body around, it's crazy. She's a very mature-sounding 11-year-old as well. The judges were quite impressed with her and it's no surprise that she's heading to the next round.

Delivery driver Matt and his wife Elaine from Staten Island claim to be "the number one polka dancers in the country" (a dubious achievement if there ever was one.) Matt says he's the Michael Flatley of polka and boasts that he's the creator of "Polka Today" - a "high-energy blend" of country, swing and ballroom dancing to a polka beat. Elaine's dress is distracting me. Her physique doesn't lend itself to a dress with cut-outs in it. Well, they certainly are high energy, flailing around to a polka version of "Walking on Sunshine" (the song alone should have gotten them buzzed immediately). The crowd boos them and the judges kindly put us out of our collective misery. After all of that bragging, I'm glad that Matt's over-inflated ego got taken down a peg or two. Hoff said they looked like they were "in a blender", which seemed to offend Matt (who also has a very adolescent-looking mustache, if you can even call it that.) Sharon called it "silly dancing" and Piers called it "Polka 50 years ago." Jerry Lewis doppleganger Mr. Phil comes out to entertain us with a little ditty called "The Phil." That's really all you need to know - and that's all you'll ever see of Mr. Phil, as Piers buzzed him before he even opened his mouth. Hoff and Sharon were far too generous. Hoping to replicate the success of Terry Fator, ventriliquist Phillip McIntosh - and his puppet Fiona - fails miserably. I thought the key to being a successful ventriliquist was at least making some effort to not move your lips. Apparently, Phil hadn't gotten to that chapter in "Ventriliquism for Dummies." Sharon called him "absolutely barking mad." He calls Piers something nasty, and flitted off the stage. Ursula Knudson sings opera very briefly and Rachel Star walks on broken glass and raps...poorly. And the cherry on top of the loser sundae is 51-year-old camp counselor Debra Weiner, who warbles a horrid rendition of "Dancing in the Streets." After getting booed and buzzed, she refuses to stop singing and Hoff dances her off the stage.

The episode is drawing to a close, so it's time for the obligatory sob/inspirational story and aspiring performer who knocks it out of the park. Tonight, it's 36-year-old R&B singer Kyle Rifkin from Harlem. He had a tough upbringing, forced to help raise his family after his alcoholic father abused his mother so much that she left the family. His Mom later returned and they both said they were a source of inspiration for each other. He takes the stage to sing "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" He's good, but he didn't knock it out of the park like I expected. He certainly won over the crowd though. He's quite an emotional man, bursting into tears after Hoff told him that he was "what the show is about." I'd hate to see what he would have done if they didn't like him. Mom comes on stage to join him and she's crying too. Jer-ry is even crying. This episode is brought to you by Kleenex. Sheesh. Piers and Sharon are full of compliments and Kyle heads to Vegas. Be sure to pack some tissues, sweetie. Well, hopefully, the auditions are now done and we can weed through the talent in Sin City!