Last Comic Standing - Las Vegas Semifinals, Part 2 (Episode 607)

We're back in Vegas to see who's going to join last week's winners in Hollywood. It's "all or nothing" for the remaining 16 of the semifinalists. Bill once again takes the stage in his shiny suit (does he only have the one suit?), accomplanied by showgirls and this week, mini versions of Gene Simmons, Elvis and Marilyn Monroe, because nothing says "comedy" like little people. Bill again introduces us to the "talent scouts", Richard "Belz" Belzer and Steve "still don't know who he is" Schirippa. First up is our li'l Dane Cook doppleganger, impressionist Marcus. He talks about what a scary flick "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" truly is, when you're eight (that boat ride freaked me out, so I know what he's talking about.) He also suggested having Oompa Loompas go to Britney Spears' house to straighten her out with one of their songs ("Out at the club till all hours of the night/Leaving your kids at home that isn't right/Do you think that makes a very good mom?/Plus, you forget to put pan-ties on.") No impressions? Wow. The crowd loved him, and that bit was much more entertaining that his last go-round. Steve was hoping for impressions, so Marcus did a little Christopher Walken for him.

Next up is Dan Cummins. He says you can tell a lot about a person from their email address. He says someone whose online handle is "Dragon Hunter 1965" is a middle-aged lonely guy - and so is "Sexy Lady XXX." He marveled at people who post signs on their property that say "tresspassers will be shot on sight" ("I didn't know you coud put up a sign and make murder legal in your yard") and suggests putting a sign on his fence that says "property taxes don't have to be paid here." He definitely made the most of his three minutes.

Iliza Shlesinger wants to be the first female Last Comic Standing. A lot. She said she was giving up drinking, despite the fact that it's a lot of fun, because she's never woken up from a night of partying saying "that was such a good idea. I didn't need that $73.50 I spent on shots and I wanted to go to bed while crying and eating a hamburger." She also said the worst part about drinkiing was eating late at noght, because there's nothing worse than "waking up full." (I agree!) With the exception of her closing joke, she could have a chance to fulfill her dream.

Here comes a man who aspires to be the "freshest face in comedy today", eternally angry Eddie Pepitone. He's gained some weight recently, so much so that when he drops something on the floor, he looks at it and asks himself, "Do I really need that?" He wonders what a heckler would sound like if he truly knew him ("Hey Pepitone, how come you dream about red birds attacking you at night? What is that?") I'm sorry, I so don't find a constant stream of yelling funny.

Indian comic Papa CJ is next, with more outsourcing jokes. He said Indians and Americans have a lot in common. Americans hate talking on the phone to someone stupid at a call center, and so do Indians. Yuk yuk. He did the joke (again) where he told a man that if he killed him, he was Hindu and could come back as his baby, so he'd be sucking on his wife's boobies and he wouldn't even know it. If this is the funniest guy in INdia, I weep for their country.

I forgot about Stone and Stone, the twin brother act that Bill says "brings a new meaning to doubling down." They're still talking over each other. Is this their whole act? They recycled some jokes from the auditions - such as the one brother (Stone? Or...Stone?) dating a Israeli woman named Mahoor (he loved introducing her to his friends.) They also resurrected the "Spot the Difference" joke (brother 1: "My favorite color is red.", brother 2: "My favorite color is blue." brother 1: "I like dogs." brother 2: "I do drugs.") I think they were actually funnier when they were talking over each other.

Baby-voiced Mary Mack (who Bill claims could be the "next great voice of comedy") takes the stage with her own brand of "time release comedy." She seems to waste a lot of time - does she realize that she only has three minutes? She notes "rural" is the only word you can say drunk or sober. She said her mother didn't want her to be in comedy, which prompted her to say to her, "If you didn't want me to be a comedian, you shouldn't have boozed it up in the fourth trimester." The judges weighed in and Steve told her she took too long to get her first jokes out. She said she just wanted everyone to be "comfortable" (whatever that means.) Steve said they were so "comfortable" that they almost fell asleep.

Bob Biggerstaff is the next comic to take the stage. He misses pagers - and even remembers his first page. He was in the kitchen ("I had a meeting in there") and the exact moment he went to open the microwave, his pager vibrated, leading him to believe he'd been electrocuted. He said he recently was in a friend's wedding and had to wear a tux, which he didn't mind, except he wished they would have gone with the vest instead of the cumberbund. Since Bob's rather full-figured, the cumberbund went from being a belt to being "the world's first push-up cumberbund." I really liked this guy. I hope he makes it!

Louis Ramey from Atlanta is next (yay, Atlanta!) He recently went to Singapore which he loved, saying "nothing is as empowering as being the tallest guy in the country. Little kids called me Shaq." He noted that there were beautiful women in Vegas and said "I wish I brought a taser" and added the funniest line of the night, "Once you go black, you can't get credit." Sadly, it's the last line I heard, because at 1:01 in to the two-hour extravaganza, my Direct TV DVR went kaput. Damn Florida storms! For some reason, this is the only week where the episode isn't being replayed on Bravo and doesn't seem to be on NBC.com, so I apologize to the remaining semifinalists - Sean Cullen, John Evans, Heath Hyche, Jackie Kashian, Pete Lee and Jim Tavaré. NBC's website was kind enough, however, to let us know who else was heading to the finals from this episode. FOr some unknown reason, they moved 7 folks on this week (as opposed to the 5 who moved on last week.) The next set of finalists are Marcus, Jim Tavaré, Esther Ku, Papa CJ, Sean Cullen, Iliza Shlesinger and Louis Ramey. Next week, the competition really begins!