Top Chef: Wedding Wars (Episode #409)

Instead of the classic 8-chef challenge, restaurant wars, we get wedding wars. The twist that saves it? It's a no-sleep face-off, as the contestants work through the night to cater next day nuptials.

The chefs are split into two teams for both the quick fire and elimination. Team 1: Nikki, Spike, Dale, and Lisa. Yeah, I know. Team 2: Richard, Antonia, Stephanie and Andrew.

Quick Fire: It's the cooking relay race that Casey failed at so spectacularly last season. This year the chefs have to suprem oranges, turn and cut an artichoke, filet a monkfish and whip up some homemade mayo. Everyone proves they're pretty adept with a knife, bringing the whole race down to Stephanie and Nikki on mayo duty. As the girls beat the mayo mercilessly, their teams get all kinds of amped. Which explains why, when Steph wins it for her side, opponent Dale loses his shit. In front of Tom. Oh Dale. You're a good chef. Be careful.

The win means that Stephanie's team gets to choose who they'll be catering for at the wedding: the Bride's side, or the groom's side. Because Richard never backs down from a challenge, they take the bride. Ballsy!

Elimination Challenge: The bride is from the south and wants country food cooked right. The groom loves rustic italian, and wants a lot of antipasto. Because Nikki is always talking up her italian roots, her team defers to her when it comes to the menu. But later, in the kitchen, Nikki won't lead or take responsibility. Even as Dale makes a ragu she disagrees with, she fails to step up. Meanwhile, with Lisa focusing on the groom's cake, Spike and Dale tackle the veggies and all the meat. Dale especially takes on a lot -- though is he being a martyr? Why not stop for a second and ask for some help, D?

On the other side, team bride is firing on all burners. They're talented, they get along well. Stephanie is even making a legit, three tiered wedding cake -- certainly a Top Chef first. Their food is hardly nutritious (I believe the only veggie involved in creamed spinach) but it all sounds and looks amazing: short ribs and blue cheese in phyllo, pulled pork on a biscuit. brisket and potato gratin. Yumm.

Which reminds me of how little I got to eat at my own wedding. Every time I  stood up, I'd come back to find my plate had been cleared!

On the day of the wedding, everyone is exhausted, but they pull it together for service. Team bride wisely leaves Andrew in the back ("he can't talk to people") and Richard charms 'em in the front. Dale is a less happy camper in the kitchen. Once again, he says, he's being left to do everything. 

Judges' Table: No surprises here! Team Bride wins the challenge, and Richard is given the overall victory. Chivalrous Rich says the win is all Stephanie's -- none of them could have done what she did with that cake. Aww. It's all so nice.

...Which does nothing to prepare us for the losing teams' panel. Dale lays it out on the table and gets Spike going. Eventually, Nikki calms them down and Spike apologizes for stooping. I love the backhanded sorry.

Thankfully, neither Dale nor Spike goes home for issues that are more behavioral than palate-related. Instead, it's Nikki, who would not lead, who is sent packing.