Rock of Love 2 - The Reunion

Well, I'm sorry to say that this is the last we'll see of Daisy, Destiney, Angelique and the skanks of "Rock of Love 2". It's the reunion and time to see if Bret has found love the second time around. Riki Rachtman is back to host and introduced all of the lovely ladies, except for our big winner, Ambre - of course. Now we meet the man who's made this all possible, "rock and roll icon" (Riki's words, not mine - I hardly think Bret's an icon) Bret Michaels - sporting his trademark cowboy hat 'n' wig combo. Riki asked Bret about the "SNL" parody and Bret said he loved it - and it was "pretty accurate." Riki then asked Peyton her thoughts. She said she was "freaked out" at first and claimed she never said "face time!"

It's time to catch up with some of the more memorable gals, starting with "the funniest French import since Pepe Le Pew", Angelique, whose lips look slightly deflated. Or something. She looks really scary. She looks like Chloe Webb near the end of "Sid and Nancy" with bigger boobs and an ugly pink dress/monstrosity on. We get to see her greatest hits reel, which involved a lot of pixelated nudity and misspelled subtitles. Bret recalled that she was either a "hot sexy exhibitionist" or had "a screw loose." Ummm..."b", definitely "b." Angelique came on stage and Riki asked her if her chances to win Bret's heart would have been better if she had played hard to get just a little bit. Bret said Angelique didn't have a malicious bone in her body. Riki jumoed in and said "and we've seen all of them." Ba-dump-dump. Riki asked her if she had any regrets (or ra-grez as she put it) and she said she didn't, but wanted to address Aubry, who had called her "a blowfish on acid". She called her "fake" and called her "a rat on crack." Aubry retorted by saying she couldn't understand what she was saying (accompanied by French subtitles - very funny, VH-1) and said she was tghe real fake. Angelique told her to "keez my purfect barbee ass." Aubry then called her a she-male. Bret made sure to let us know that he's been up close and personal with her and she's all woman. Angelique says she doesn't care if you love her or hate her. They then cut back to Aubry, who looked completely disgusted. Riki then asked Angelique avout her career and she sais she gave up stripping - probably to devote all of her time to porn. She says people just wanted to hang out with her, which wasn't too lucrative. She says she'd like to do her last lap dance for Bret.

We then get to spend a few minutes with Destiney the super groupie. It's time for her highlight reel, complete with naked cartwheels and her admission that she didn't know Bret well enough to say she loved him. Destiney joins Bret on stage and Riki asked her if she felt she was a groupie. She said she wasn't - she just loved rock stars and has been around the rock 'n' roll lifestyle quite a bit. Know what I call that? A groupie. Bret said that he never thought she was a "psycho groupie". Riki asked her if she regretted her honetsy and she said she didn't, because she only spent 2 hours aloine with Bret during the whole time she was there. Riki then brought up Destiney's Dad and the day he spent with Bret. They rolled the clip and Destiney, of course, started to cry. Some of the other gals came up on stage to comfort her. By the time the clip was done, Destiney, the gals, Bret and most of the audience was in tears. Destiney's Dad lost his battle with cancer a few weeks prior. Again, I can't comprehend the fact that she spent her Dad's last days skanking it up for the false affections of a slightly washed-up rock star.

Side note - what the hell is "Celeb Cadabra"? I see that the annoying Ant is going to be on it. If he makes himself disappear - permanently - I'll watch it. If not, forget it. Ok, back to the show. We now revisit Kristy Joe's "turbulent ride through the house of rock." Kristy Joe takes the stage. Riki asked her why she went on a dating show of she was still married. She said she was separated and "hundreds" of people who are separated date. She doesn't think she's a bad person. She admitted that she and hubby #2 are still married. He's getting a 6-month trial. She's still a disaster area. Daisy asked Bret why he didn't hassle Kristy Joe as much about her relationship as he did about her and her ex, Douchey Charles. Bret said he treated both of them the same. Daisy interjects again and said she heard that the real reason Kristy Joe left was because she knew that the exes were coming on the show. Aubry stood up for her and said if she was still in love with her husband at that time, she would have never given the VH-1 producers his contact info. She said no one would be dumb enough to put a guy on the show that they were still in love with - except for Megan. Oh, snap! Riki called Kristy Joe and Aubry's relationship a magical thing, and we get to see footage of them being BFFs in the skankery. Sorry guys, they're just friends. Kristy Joe said Bret kicked Aubry off because she wouldn't consent to a threesome. Before the commercial, we're treated to Peyton singing. Not as bad as Lacey, but pretty forgettable.

It's Heather time! She's decked out in another interesting ensemble from "Strippers 'R' Us". When asked the difference between the girls of seasons one and two, she said there was more "realness" on season one. She did admit that she liked Destiney though. Heather said she "didn't know" Daisy. We see highlights of Heather's visit to the skankery, which turns into Daisy's highlight reel. Daisy comes on stage and says that it pissed her off that Brety just saw her as a sex object, especially when she was modeling skimpy lingerie for him. Bret said there were just too many "unanswered questions" between the two of them. Daisy then implies that they should have talked about these questions  - and cuddled - instead of sleeping together in Mexico. She felt taken advantage of. Kristy Joe, you have just been dethroned as the trainwreck of this show for good. Heather called her a whore. Pot, kettle, I'm sure you're acquainted. If you lived under a rock this past week, you may not know what's next. Daisy and Heather get into it, resulting in a Jerry Springer-esque (=staged) catfight.

After the break, it's time to reunite Bret and his "rock of love", Ambre. Roll the highlight reel. She comes out on stage and gives her man a big kiss. My husband hates her new, straight hair. Riki reminds us for the millionth time that Ambre almost went home on the first episode. Bret alleges that he thought she was on the phone with a boyfriend that first night and that's why she nearly got eliminated. Suuure, Bret. When asked if he was happy to see her agaoin, he said he "loved" her, said she was "beautiful" and threw in an "awesome" and "horny" for good measure. He admits that they had seen each other between the finale and the reunion, because Bret fancies himself to be quite the "rule-breaker." Apparently they met up in Chicago when he played a gig there. She saw life backstage at a Bret Michaels concert, spent some "alone time" on Bret's tour bus. Riki asks Ambre if it's hard to see Bret surrounded by beautiful women and she said it was a turn-on for her. Sure, lady. Ambre said they're both on the road with their careers and was looking for a partner. So, the million dollar question - are they dating? Ambre says yes. She wants to be Bret's "rock of love" and see if they can make it work - and Bret agreed. Until the contracts are drawn up for "Rock of Love 3", of course. I'll be there, that's for sure.