My Name Is Earl - "Stole A Motorcycle" (Episode 315)

Well, Earl's still in a coma, but as we discovered last week, as things are crossed off Earl's list, he's getting better and better. Randy and Joy are trying to figure out how to choose the next item off the list to work on. Earl is still living in his sitcom fantasy world, "The Hickeys" - in it, Billie's pregnant and Earl overhears her talking to Joy on the phone about a sought-after ob/gyn. Misunderstanding and cheesy sitcom hilarity ensues. Back in the real world, Randy has devised a clever method for Earl to pick the next list item - he has him drool on the list. The droplet of drool lands on "stole a motorcycle." Randy didn't look too happy about this one. Back in Earl's old, reprobate days, he and Randy were ambling around the neighborhood looking for stuff to steal (Earl called it "taking a crime walk") when they discovered a motorcycle. (Earl:"Check out the hog." Randy: "Dibs. Where is she?") The guys from Orange County Choppers were running the cycle shop and oblivious to the fact that Earl and Randy walked up to the bike - which had the keys in it - and took off. After they stole the bike they went off in search of fun, which included "beer...and rum...and tequila...and whatever malt liquor was on sale." The next thing they knew, they woke up the next morning on a school bus. Neither one of them remembered how they ended up there. In the present day, Randy couldn't remember what happened to the bike.

Meanwhile, in Earl's coma world, he planned a scheme to catch Billie and her gigolo in the act by pretending to go to work. The next day, Earl went through with his plan, donned a football helmet and a hockey stick and tried to hide from Billie, all done in fast-motion - to the tune of "Yakety Sax", of course. Billie finds him and tells him that she's having his baby. She explained that the doc rarely took new patients and the smallest thing could make him say "no" - cue Randy dragging the doctor in the house in a headlock.

Randy went to see Jasper to see what he knew (if anything) about the bike. The boys tried to sell him the bike, but he didn't want to sell anything that jeopardized his customers' safety (but he did sell hand grenades to a high school football team.) Randy wanted a chicken suit he found at Jasper's and he agreed to trade the chain from the bike for the chicken suit. Jasper didn't need the chain, he just didn't want the boys driving around wasted. Jasper said Randy wanted to wear the chicken suit to nickel wing night at the Crab Shack, so that's Randy's next stop. He asks Crabman about the night and he remembers that Earl drove the bike into the restaurant and that he and Randy took part in what Earl's dad called "general jackassery", Earl revved the bike and Randy scared the stuffing out of the wing-eating patrons ("You're eating my babies!") Earl tells Darnell he'll stop Randy the chicken because he knows their language - and proceeds to do a drunken rendition of the Chicken Dance. At least Darnell's story justified the sign that still hangs in the Crab Shack "No Motorcycles. No chicken suits. No exceptions.") Darnell suggests that Randy visit Homeless Joe, as he thinks he saw them after they left the Shack. Joe saw the brothers at midnight, "driving tiny cars." ell, Randy was driving a little car, Earl was driving a little plane. Earl got Randy to pull over and something had definitely gone wrong, as the two got into a fistfight. Earl ended up throwing Randy out into the street, where he was almost hit - by a pair of motorcycles. Present-day Randy couldn't believe Earl tried to kill him.

Darnell thinks Randy shouldn't completely rely on Homeless Joe's testimony and Joy suggests they work backwards to try and find out what really happened. Back in Earl-land, it's time for the "having a baby montage" and Billie's water broke. They get to the hospital and get into a broken elevator. Randy and the gang surmised that the only people in town who drove around in little cars were the Knights of Camden, so they went to their lodge. Back on that fateful night, Randy had stumbled into the Knights' new member mixer and after an hour of limbo and gin rickeys was in full-on party mode. All of a sudden, an enraged Earl showed up clutching a TV aerial. Randy took off in the little car and Earl got on the tiny plane. Now even more positive that his brother was trying to kill him, Randy's feeling "ter-hurts-ible" with a touch of "sangry". The Knight pointed out that Randy tracked tar all over the lodge's dance floor - and Darnell recognized the antenna Earl had carried in from a photo on the wall. It was the "pantenna" - a trailer park tradition. After a girl got lucky with a guy, she'd shoot her panties up at the pantenna - if they stuck it was true love, if they didn't "it was likely the clap." Joy, Darnell and Randy head to the trailer park and find tar footprints up the side of a trailer. Joy got to the roof and found the missing bike. Seeing the bike and the discarded chicken suit brought the whole night's activities back to Randy. They went to the trailer park after getting kicked out of the Crab Shack and decided to hide the bike on the roof of deaf Charlie's trailer. They took a chain off of a chainsaw so they could get the bike up a ramp and onto the roof. Earl deduced that the cops were going to be looking for a guy in a chicken suit, but they'd never suspect two half-chickens, so Randy gave Earl the pants from the suit. Just then, the cops showed up. Earl got nervous, and started hiccuping. Randy covered Earls mouth (and nose) until Earl was unconscious. The cops left and Randy tried to revive Earl. When he thought Earl was dead, he took off, but not before stepping in the tar. When Earl came to, he was (understandably) mad and grabbed the pantenna and went after Randy. Randy felt awful that he tried to kill his brother and jumped off the trailer. Randy returned the bike, but still felt awful about what he did to Earl. Randy went to Earl's bedside to apologize, just as coma Earl had a baby - and was rescued in the elevator by Randy. Randy crossed the item off the list and Earl squeezed Randy's hand. He hugged Earl, cutting off his oxygen. What a doofus.