Rock of Love 2 - "Video Vixens" (Episode 208)

Ok, who else missed Bret and the skanks last week? It feels like I have to get to know them all over again. Not really. It's down to the "sexy six" - soccer mom Ambre, scary Daisy, Destiney, Jessica, vapid, awful Megan and the (I still can't see it) "enemy", the hated Kristy Joe. Ambre still thinks she ruined last week's dinner and vows to step up her game. Kristy Joe hasn't been able to stop thinking that Bret feels her efforts are "too little too late" and decides she has to take care of things at home. So, she calls her second husband, and tells him how much she loves Bret, blah, blah, blah. Kinda tacky to ask for a divorce over the phone, but that's the kind of thing we've learned to expect from "Rock of Love." Kristy Joe has now told the world that she loves Bret and is ready to move on with her life. I don't understand this chick at all.

Bret was so upset about what had been going on in the skankery that he just had to drive around town in a red convertible Ferrari. Always clears my head. Big John brings the note from Bret to the ladies. It's time for the video challenge. Kristy Joe has an urgent need to talk to Bret and tell him the situation with the ex. Of course, he's nowhere to be found. He's still driving - and they're playing "Nothing But a Good Time" as he's zipping through town. Bret strikes me as the kind of guy who would blast his own tunes in his car, doesn't he? Kristy Joe is getting increasingly emotional and Ambre tells her she has to "pull it together." Kristy Joe told Ambre that she finally ended it with her husband that day. She's surprised because she thought Kristy Joe already did it (so did I.) Ambre wants Bret to see the "real" Kristy Joe.

Big John and Bret assemble the gals for the challenge. Bret splits the gals into two groups to make videos for two of his solo tunes. Daisy is overly psyched because she loves videos (I'm sure she does, you just can't show them on VH-1) and she loves music. The songs Bret has chosen are called "Fall That Far" and the beautiful ballad (Bret's words, not mine) "Fallen." Bret called in a favor to director Dean Karr, who has worked with such acts as Ozzy and Marilyn Manson, to help out. The gals have tons of costumes and props at their disposal. The teams have to choose a creative director, who, if the team wins, gets an "incredibl awesome" solo date with Bret, and the other two team members will share Bret for an evening. Ambre says she needs to be the creative director for her team. The teams are Destiney, Jessica and Daisy versus Ambre, Megan and Kristy Joe. Ambre begs for the creative director position, Destiney stepped up as her team's CD. The teams draw songs, Destiney gets "Go That Far" and Ambre gets "Fallen." Ambre is happy she got that song because she already has some ideas for her video. Jessica's excited to be working with Destiney because she's been in videos before (again, ones you won't be seeing on basic cable) and with Daisy because..."she can sing - in her own mind."

The teams listen to the songs, and the ideas start flowing from Amber. She needs someone who is emotional and can cry on cue. Thank God she's got Kristy Joe on her team! Kristy Joe feels the songs lyrics are similar to the struggle going on inside of her. Destiney is having a hard time being creative director, but Daisy keeps chiming in, pretty much planning the whole thing. Someone actually wrote Megan a pretty decent line - speaking of her emotional teammate she says, "Crying and laying in bed all day long? That's the same thing she does every day. Not a hard acting job for Kristy Joe." Daisy is confused about how to operate the camera. Poor Dean is trying, but she's having help focusing. Ambre can't keep her hand from shaking and is having trouble getting a shot. Destiney's team is monopolizing Dean's time. Ambre doesn't care, she's got a clear vision of what she wants and gets a "beautiful" shot of Kristy Joe walking down stairs. Destiney's team hasn't been helping much - she's basically been taking smoke breaks while Daisy and Jessica film some of their pole work for posterity. Ambre tries (and I emphasize "tries") to get some acting out of Megan, and she's horrible. Ambre takes her tapes to a poor editor (oh, how I feel for this woman.) Destiney feels her video is sexy and has a story. Dean tells Ambre they have a half hour to go - and then the editor gets a "system failure." This brings a whole new meaning to the term "computer virus."

Daisy has pretty much taken charge of the editing process and edited some clips of Bret into their video. Ambre's editor gets her computer up and running and everthing's fine. Destiney can't get a word in edgewise with her poor editor. Time's up. Bret is very excited to see the videos. Ambre's video is first. It's Kristy Joe moping in bed, Megan in her undies, trying to cheer her up, a shot of Bret singing, Megan walking away, Megan poorly acting "pissed" on the phone, Bret singing, Kristy Joe walking down the stairs and getting a rose. Bret singing. Kristy Joe smiling. The End. (And I left nothing out.)

Here's the other video - it's actually the show's theme song. It starts with Jessica in a schoolgirl's outfit showing up at the house, Bret singing, Jessica trying on a variety of slutty clothes, getting her hair and make-up done, putting her finger in her mouth, Bret singing, Daisy on a pole, Daisy and Jessica on the pole, kinda sorta kissing, Destiney giving Jessica a VIP pass, Jessica and Destiney walking down a hallway and going into Bret's room and ending on Jessica on the floor eating an apple. A masterpiece. Not.

Ambre thinks Destiney's team is going to win. Bret makes his decision and chooses the "Fallen" video as his favorite. Ambre is so excited to have a solo date with Bret, that he says will be "vibey". Kristy Joe still needs to talk to Bret. That girl's needle is stuck. Destiney is "sad" that Kristy Joe got another date and starts screaming at the top of her lungs in the kitchen. Daisy's crying.

Ambre comes into Bret's room for an "elaborate date." She over-reacts to seeing some pillows on the floor. She's easily impressed. She has butterfiles in her tummy because it's her first solo date with Bret. Bret wants to know Ambre's soul, so he's invited an "eastern master healer", Satish Dhalakia to join them. Unfortunately Satish isn't there for any kinky threesome (Ambre seemed game) but he's there to help them find peace together. Bret's confused. Satish said that Bret and Ambre have known each other since the 12th Century. Kristy Joe feels now is the perfect time to talk to Bret and bangs on his door. Bad idea. Bret can't concentrate on being confused by Satish because of the knocking. He answers the door, and if it's not "God or Big John with a beer" he's gonna be pissed.

Of course, it's not God or Big John. It's Kristy Joe - "very hot...and very annoying. Mostly hot." Bret asks her if they can talk when his date is over and sends her to her room, where he promises "something beautiful" for her. Ambre is pissed that Kristy Joe interrupted her date. Bret sent Satish to clean her chakra. So, instead of Bret coming into her room, Kristy Joe is greeted by Satish. She's surprised. Satish gives Kristy Joe a little Chakra 101 by asking such bizarre questions as "Have you ever seen a sad tree?" and "Have you seen a frustrated ocean?" She's not taking this seriously. Kristy Joe, you sad tree. Meanwhile, Bret and Ambre are making a deep connection, with their tongues. Bret says she's the best kisser in the house.

After the date, Bret calls Kristy Joe into his room to chat. Jessica, Destiney and Daisy sit on the stairs outside his room, supremely pissed that Kristy Joe got another private audience with him. Kristy Joe tells Bret about the divorce. He also thought it had ended earlier. Now, it's Jessica's turn to cry. Bret has heartfelt feelings for Kristy Joe but isn't sure she knows what she wants. Kristy Joe leaves the roon and gets the stink eye from the other ladies.

The next day, it's Megan and Kristy Joe's date. Megan wants equal time, and will do anything in her power to do it. Bret took them to a hotel for dinner. He has no idea how to handle Kristy Joe but wants to keep things cool. Megan immediately pounced on Bret, forcing Kristy Joe to leave the table. Megan asks Bret about their relationship. He tells her,"There's obviously something I like about you", while staring directly at her boobs. That's love, kids. Bret feels he hasn't made a connection (drink) with Megan but chose to suck face. Bret then went in search of Kristy Joe for a little quality time. Kristy Joe told him all of the girls in the house thought she was crazy. Bret than says "Thinks? Or knows?" Ha! Kristy Joe gave him an icy glare and then says "I don't like you" through a smile. She is crazy.Guess there's no more face sucking for ou on this date, Bret. Megan returns and the trio head out. It didn't look like they ate much - in fact it never looks like they actually ever eat on these dates.

Ambre feels the need to now talk to Kristy Joe about the previous night's date. She's been stewing, so she blows up at Kristy Joe and tells her she's sick of her "ping-pong" behavior and she's over her. Kristy Joe feels like she's on a roller coaster and wants it to stop.

It's elimination time. Destiney is concerned about her own destiny on the show. Kristy Joe feels her best isn't good enough. Bret has a "heartfelt connection" (drink) to all the girls, so this elimination is tough for him. Ambre gets the first pass, he's hoping that knowing each other since the 12th Century is enough for sex. Daisy gets the next pass, she vows to stay with him "forever" (which is a scary concept.) Jessica and Destiney also get passes. Oh, I so hope Megan is going home! Megan is incredulous that she hasn't gotten a pass. Bret made the tough decision and called Kristy Joe down. He held her hand and asked her to make the decision as to whether she stays or goes home to deal with her divorce. Kristy Joe doesn't answer immediately and Bret says he can take it either way. She finally says she has a lot to take cae of at home and ultimately decides to leave. That was unexpected. Bret even looked surprised. He walked her to the door, believing that Kristy Joe had feelings for him, but it was all wrong place, wrong time. Bret tosses her pass to the ground and then tells Megan she's welcome to stay - and then he takes off (most likely back to the Ferrari.) Why didn't he just kick that awful girl to the curb? Next week, the exes pay a visit - and stripper Heather comes back. See Daisy's skeezy ex (?) beau and watch Jessica get falling-down drunk - next week!