Rock of Love 2 - "Red, White and a Little Blue" (Episode 207)

It's a new day in the skankery and Inna's feeling bummed that she and Bret's connection (drink) isn't as strong as it once was. She finds Bret outside by the pool to talk to him. She tells him it's hard for her to watch him tring to make a connection (drink) with the other girls in the house. Bret sympathizes with her but tells her that he needs to get to know the other girls in the house as well. In the "Bret-fessional" he admits that Inna was his girl from the start because he liked her boobs energy and attitude, but that she's been slipping away recently. Inna tells Bret her feelings are getting involved. Bret tells her she just needs her to step up to the plate.

Big John delivers the ladies another note from Bret. Daisy reads it and it says they're going to do something "red, white and blue". The note goes on to tell the ladies to get prettied up and meet up with Bret in an hour. When the gals catch up with Bret, he's accompanied by two old ladies, puppets, drums and hula hoops. Sounds scary, doesn't it? Bret informs the ladies that he and Big John are big supporters of the troops - Bret even went over and performed for them. The ladies with Bret, Shirley and Joan, have been performing with the USO for over 50 years (and ironically enough, they look like what the ROL gals should look like in about, oh, 10 years or so.) Shirley and Joan are going to coach the gals as they put together patriotic routines which they will perform for an audience of veterans and active service personnel later that night. Oh, a "U.S. Ho" show! Bret says he wants some "talent going on." After the peep show challenge, Bret should really know better than to expect that these gals have any stage talents that don't involve poles and/or ping pong balls. Bret tell the gals to break into pairs - one gal was going to have to fly solo. The winner of the challenge, of course gets a date with Bret. Megan chose Jessica and the two were going to do a routine with hula hoops. Daisy chooses to sing - alone - because she wants the coveted solo date. Her musical selection is "The Star Spangled Banners" Destiney and Inna go with dancing. Kristy Joe wasn't sure what to do or who to do it with since everone in the house seems to hate her. She has been getting along with Ambre lately, so the two decide to do a comedy/tap dancing routine. Yikes. Kristy Joe feels confident that she and Amber will "rock the joint" because they're cute and classy. Ambre's willing to put aside her differences with KJ and vows to win the challenge.

Megan and Jessica thought it would be cute to recite the preamble to the Constitution as they hula-hooped. All they have to do is memorize it - oh, this should be amusing. Unless they watched "Schoolhouse Rock" when the were kids, which is how I still remember it. Megan has no idea what the preamble means and has the added challenge of learning new words. Destiney and Inna are finding an hour isn't nearly enough time to learn their dance routine. Joan is cracking the whip on them - Inna can't take the thing seriously at all. Kristy Joe and Ambre seemed to have their act together and Daisy was being coached by Shirley on her song. Too bad she's completely tone deaf. Five minutes to go and everybody's nervous. Inna wants to kick ass and knows this may be the last chance she has to reconnect with Bret.

Shirley and Joan went in the limo with the gals as they headed to the venue to give some last-minute advice and slurp down a little bubbly (you go, Shirley and Joan! Can they have their own VH-1 show? I'm loving the Shirley and Joan!) The girls get into their costumes and have a chance to rehearse before the big show. Destiney and Inna hadn't practiced in their heels before and were having lots of trouble on stage. Joan looks disgusted. I feel ya, Joan. Inna and Joan get into it. I'm rooting for Joan. Destiney's nervous. Bret was nervous too, he hoped his girls were going to put on a good show for the vets.

It's time for "Bret Michaels Rockin' U.S.O.ish Style Show"! They got Bil Dwyer, of "Last Comic Standing" fame to host this spectacular. How the mighty have fallen. Kristy Joe and Ambre, "Stars and Taps" were first. Ambre obviously sits in on her kids during their tap lessons (in between soccer practice and T-ball). Kristy Joe danced like "a monkey on crack" - thanks for that perfect description, Bret. Megan is still scared of all of those big words in the preamble, but it's now time for she and Jessica, "Hula Hoops for Our Troops", to perform. They came onstage and performed a striptease, which was quite the crowd pleaser, before getting their hoop on. They stumbled through the thing, making some woman in the crowd cry - not because she was moved, but because she was laughing at their stupidity. Destiney and Inna, "The Rock of Love Rockets" came onstage to do their routine. They also went the stripping route, but rapidly descended into trash, complete with a lot of ass smacking. The ladies in the crowd were not amused. I hope Joan gives them a beating. Last but not least, it's Daisy. I think the vets wanted to go back into the trenches rather than listen to this. Daisy was not only completely off-key, she also didn't know the words - and she had them right in front of her. Sheesh! Bil brings out the ladies and the crowd got to pick the winner.    

And the winner, by an overwhelming margin, Hula Hoops for Our Troops. Jessica gets her second date in a row and awful Megan does too. Bret decides to host a dinner for all of the ladies to thank them for their hard work. Bret asks the girls who they felt was there for the right and wrong reasons. Silence. Daisy thinks Destiney is there for him. Bret wants more - he wants the gals to be unleashed. Megan gives props to Jessica because she's sweet and honest, but that's all she's saying. That's doing nothing for Bret, so he calls out Inna, who also glosses over her answer. Bret just wants some info. He's over "generic." Bret asks Amber the same question and she gets honest and says there's one person who puts on a facade in the house - Kristy Joe. She uses the fact that she was almost ready to leave and the fact that she talked so passionately about her ex as evidence. Bret was actually confused about her intentions. The gals ask Kristy Joe how she feels, but she won't explain herself to anyone except Bret. Kristy Joe and Destiney get into it, big time. Bret just wants to know if she's here for him or not, because he's "not buying it" sometimes. Bret leaves the table abruptly, he's pissed. But, hey, you asked for it, dude. Kristy Joe heads upstairs and starts packing. Ambre thinks Bret is mad at her for stirring stuff up. Bret chilled and went in search of Kristy Joe. She's tired of being attacked and got a hug from Bret. He invited her into his room to chat. He is starting to think she might be "too crazy" for him. He asks her about her flip-flopping about leaving or staying. She wants to know if he wants her there and he doesn't know how he feels about her.

Megan and Jessica get tarted up for their date. Kristy Joe is sick to her stomach and feels completely bummed out. Ambre's also bummed, but she has to talk to Kristy Joe because the're roomies. Back to the date - and it's the first date I'm truly jealous of, as the trio arrive at an Ed Hardy boutique (I love me some Ed Hardy!) There they meet "Custom Couture Artist" Adam Sachs who tells the gals to grab whatever they want, which he will make a custom-designed piece for them. I didn't know what a "Custom Couture Artist" was until today, but basically it's just a guy who cuts up t-shirts with a pair of scissors. If that's the case, I've been a "Custom Couture Artist" since I was a kid!

Back at the skankery, Ambre tries to talk to Kristy Joe. Kristy Joe is glad Ambre feels guilty. Ambre is sincerel sorry and promises to come to her first the next time she feels there's a problem. Kristy Joe doesn't care, but for the moment, they're cool. Bret spends some big words-free quality time with Jessica and Megan at lunch. Megan says there's a "big situation" with Inna and told Bret about her little scrap with Joan the day before. Bret says he lost her and there's some other "situations" in the house that he needs to address. Bret says he needs to shut down and think this tough elimination over.

The gals assemble for the elimination ceremony. Everbody's hoping Kristy Joe heads home. Inna's worried that she didn't get to spend much time with Bret. Ambre thinks her outburst at dinner ma have hurt her chances. Bret's "emotionally and physically spent" and gets right into it. He gives a surprised Ambre the first pass. Kristy Joe feels completely betrayed by Ambre. Destiney gets the next pass, followed by Jessica and Megan (who I still can't stand.) Bret feels it's his fault that he hasn't made time to hang out with Daisy lately and gives her a pass. It's down to Inna and Kristy Joe. Bret calls Inna down. He says he lost touch with her and says her tour was over. So, much to the other gals' dismay, Kristy Joe stays for another week. Ambre's baffled and confused and feels Kristy Joe has manipulated Bret's feelings. Next time, it's video time and way more Kristy Joe drama - watch Ambre get raw! Soccer Mom gone wild! Aww, but we have to wait 2 weeks - what's up with that?