Cashmere Mafia: Yours, Mine, and Hers (Episode 6)

Mia's not worried when ex-fiance Jack turns up as the the newly hired publisher at rival Fairgate Publishing. Being Mia, she is calm and collected, assuring everyone from Clive to the editors to her sweet assistant that all is well, even sending Jack a bottle of congratulatory Champagne. Clearly she couldn't care less -- if she did still care, she would have sent Jack something he'd enjoy, like a bottle of good scotch.

Mia's not calm for long -- the sight of Jack's anchorwoman girlfriend waring her Alexander McQueen scarf sends her over the edge, and over to Jack's to retrieve a sex tape. While at Jack's, she finds another film -- a PG-rated clip of Jack surprising her at the office for her birthday. She gets a rather nasty encounter with Liz, who's pretty feisty for someone who is obviously the rebound chick. Jack and Mia totally do it, when he brings over the birthday DVD she forgot. But that's as far as they get, when Mia understands that the only reason Jack wants to get back together is because he feels like he finally has a job that measures up to hers. That's sad.

Another sad thing? Caitlin. Initially shocked to discover that Alicia is preggers, and that Alicia's nasty ex Olivia fully intends to be a full-time parent, Caitlin isn't scared off. She wants to be there for Alicia and the baby, bitchy ex or not. But that ex? Not so ex anymore. In a truly heartbreaking scene, Caitlin's glee at raising a baby is shattered when Alicia tells her that she and Olivia have gotten back together. And yes, I did cry a little when Caitlin walked out the door in tears.

Zoe's not got time for tears when she's fighting Clayton for dominance in a deal that would surely net the responsible banker a sweet promotion. Billionaire Maxwell Tate wants to set up a foundation to support charter schools, and isn't as receptive to Zoe's ideas for responsible investing that would be socially beneficial but not as lucrative. Mrs. Cynthia Tate is totally on Zoe's wavelength, though, and where Mrs. Tate goes, Mr. Tate shall follow. Zoe sells herself out, though, when she has to lie to Cynthia on Maxwell's behalf -- sure, she seals the deal, but does it at a massage parlor staffed by apparently mute Asian escorts. Mrs. Tate had been told they'd gone to a wine bar instead. When the deal goes through, Clayton takes the credit and snags the senior managing director position. Zoe complains to their boss, but it falls on deaf ears. Zoe has no choice but to quit.

And finally, Juliet has only begun to fight. Davis is suing for man-imony, as well as for the right to get back into the apartment. Juliet and her possibly incompetent lawyer Blair gear up for what will inevitably be a long fight. When an apparent heart attack sends Davis to the hospital, Juliet rushes to be at his side. However, the next day, Davis has recovered in body well enough to send her a letter to vacate the apartment. I'm pretty sure Davis isn't smart enough to be so stupid as to think Juliet was really trying to take advantage of his temporary condition -- it was a panic attack, after all -- but I guess if you're paying as much as he appears to be paying to his attorney, you'll do whatever you're told. So Juliet, possibly steeled by a weird encounter with Cilla at the hospital, takes back the sports car that Davis got for himself. Because, of course, being the doofus that he is, the car is in Juliet's name.

Fashion scoreboard

• Mia's turtleneck sweater with the fur puffs on the shoulders -- I understand that this show is supposed to be fashion-forward, but this sweater seriously confused me. i think I'm still hurt. -100,000,000 billion points
• Zoe got a foot massage at the parlor when out with Clayton and Maxwell. When I wasn't gagging over the overt racism and sexism of, well, everything going on, I was also thinking "Oh, those are some fierce-ass heels. Louboutin?" +100,000,000 billion points

Race scoreboard

• Yep, Mia's still Asian! +100 points
• But alas, no hot Asian doctor. -55 points
• Also, is Alicia going and taking her Latina loveliness with her? -15 points
• The massage parlor: mute young Asian women massaging, then (implied) fucking with middle aged White dudes. Oh FUCK NO. -1,000,000,000,000 points and a yellow (in every sense of the word) card