The Amazing Race: I Just Hope He Doesn't Croak on Us (Episode 12.09)

On this episode, Racers travel to Japan, navigate the mean streets of Osaka, and are forced to stop and smell the flowers — literally. (And no, the title of this episode does not refer to Grandpa Don.)

In India, TK & Rachel are the first to depart at 1:25 p.m. They are instructed to travel almost 4,000 miles to Osaka, Japan, sometimes known as the second city of Japan (but not The Second City of its sister city, Chicago, my hometown). Once there, teams will search the grounds of Kishiwada Castle for their next clue. Rachel admits that self-confidence is a problem for her, but TK helps her with her fears, and they continue on their mellow way. The pair discovers that the earliest flight out of Mumbai to Osaka departs at 6:55 p.m. However, we are pointedly never given an estimated arrival time. Hmmmm. They buy tickets.

Nick & Don leave the mat eight minutes after the leadesr. Don thinks he's doing well so far, but admits he can't always keep up with his 23-year-old grandson. Don says going to Japan is a dream come true for him. Ron & Chris rip their clue at 1:44 p.m. Chris is "pumped" because she spent half a year in Japan. Don admits — in an interview given in Florence — that he gets "too explosive." Interesting that he said this before last week's Bollywood poster Detour. Last (ha ha ha!) are Nathan & Jennifer, a.k.a. Nate-n-Hate, at 2:38 p.m. Do we really need to hear yet again about their relationship and how its affecting their personal Race? Guess so. Doesn't mean I need to waste space on it, though.

All three of these teams book an Air India 8:30 p.m. flight from Mumbai. They wonder where the hell TK & Rachel are. The TAR map helpfully points out that TK & Rachel are traveling through two cities, New Dehli and Beijing, before landing in Osaka. Ron & Chris, Nick & Don, and Nate-n-Hate have only one stop, Hong Kong, on their way to Japan. This is when I knew TK & Rachel were nowhere near the lead. The Editors try to up the suspense, but Air India flight arrives at 2:30 p.m. Nate-n-Hate are first out of the airport and first to the castle; players now have to find the cleaning at the JR Kanjosan Noda Station for their next clue.

Taxi confessions. Hate thinks Osaka is "open and spacious." Don compliments Japan as a "clean and wonderful country." Unlike the Netherlands, what with its Fierljeppen. Fierljeppen! In reference to TK & Rachel, Don grins, "Anything's possible on The Race." Nick responds, "So cliché." And Don murmurs, "Mmmhmmm." HA! I wasn't sure of this team at first, but they've definitely grown on me, especially since Don used the word falutin to describe Chris's Princeton education. Double HA! Ron has a "gut feel" that TK & Rachel are behind them. And this time, it's not just his hernia! Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

Noda Station: Roadblock! "Who's the backseat driver?" In this Roadblock, the player must drive a taxi with two passengers to Osaka's main post office. The racers cannot pick up a local and the couple in the back seat cannot assist in any way. Once at the P.O., the driver will get the clue, but he/she will not be able to open it until he/she returns to Noda Station and his/her partner. Also, the wheel is on the right side of the car, and a lot of the streets are one way. Most of the signs are only in Japanese. Hate is first, and she pulls on the required black cap and white gloves. She looks as if she's one of the girls in this Duran Duran video. [NSFW - boobs] Sing blue silver! The clue is written in Japanese, and Hate jumps out to get directions.

Ron & Chris are second, and Chris decides she will do it. Her face falls when she sees the task. Uh oh! Earlier, Chris had muttered, "I'm never driving in Japan" Whoops. There's that karma again. She usually takes public transportation and isn't the best driver. Yikes! But at least she speaks the language. This doesn't help much, though, as she can't figure out how to turn on the car at first. Nick asks if Don is tired, and ...The Boy volunteers to take this task. The cap barely fits on Nick's head. In an odd coincidence, the three men left behind at Noda Station are all wearing red shirts.

Chris and Nate also get directions from locals. Chris doesn't want this to turn into "an Austin Powers." Nate turns on the A/C for his customers. Heh. Racers finish the Roadblock and return to their partners in the same order: Hate, Chris, and Nick. (There's only so many ways in which to describe riveting driving action.) All three teams are now on their way to Kita-Mido Temple.

Detour! The choices: Sense of Smell or Sense of Touch. In Sense of Smell, players must use only their noses to pick out one real flower among thousands in a two-storey flower shop. In Sense of Touch, each player must use a cell phone to manipulate his own soccer playing robot and each score a goal against robot defenders. Nate-n-Hate and Ron & Chris choose the flowers and Don & Nick go for the soccer playing robots.

In the flower shop, Nate-n-Hate start on the first floor and Ron & Chris begin on the second. After lots of unflattering close-ups from the flowers' POV, Hate finds the real flower. They celebrate quietly, not wanting Ron & Chris to hear them. Teams must now take a cab to the next pit stop, Tempozan Park. Nate-n-Hate can practically taste first place. Are they destined to be TAR Bridesmaids forever? (spoiler) Yes. However, they cannot hail a taxi. Shades of Croatia, but with much less meltdown.

Chris finds the flower for her team, and she and he dad read the clue softly. They find a cab seemingly with no problem, and beat Nate-n-Hate to the Pit Stop. They have "each won an electric vehicle. It seats four, it's environmentally safe, and it's perfect for getting around town." Whuh? Did someone not pay for product placement, or is it a four-seat scooter? Chris points out this is the first leg in which her dad didn't lose his temper once (aside from Ron's hissy fit outside the Mumbai airport, which he did quell).

Team number two Nate-n-Hate want first "so bad." Hate declares "IT IS ON." And Nate doofuses, "The best team is gonna finish last, and that's going to be Jenn and I [sic]." Needle scratch. She gives him a TOTAL bitchface and says, "We're gonna finish last?" He explains, "I mean, finish the last leg first." D'oh! But she smiles at him. Even though I despise this couple, I admit that Hate-ifer did quite well today, first with the driving and then in the flower shop.

Don & Nick complete their robot detour — they totally got off easy, by the way — and finish as team number three. I'm glad they're still in it.

Hey, remember TK & Rachel? Their flight lands with no onscreen time stamp, which means they are definitely trailing the pack... although I'm not sure three teams count as a "pack." Rachel does the Roadblock and finds the flower at the Detour, and she and TK smile and laugh, in spite of knowing they are probably dead last. Which they are. Phil tells tham as much when they get to the mat. Luckily for them — and us! — it's the second of two non-elimination legs. They're three hours behind everyone else, and they'll have to complete a Speed Bump.

TK & Rachel are still my faves, followed by Nate & Don (I know!) and Ron & Chris. I would be happy with anyone but Nate-n-Hate, please for the love of Ackles.

Next week: The journey to the final three results in the usual amount of sh!t-talking, and don't look now, but I think TK & Rachel catch up.

LEG 9: Mumbai, India to Osaka, Japan (via Hong Kong or New Dehli and Beijing)

PIT STOP: Tempozan Park, Osaka, Japan

ROADBLOCK: ("Who's the backseat driver?")
1st: Jennifer
2nd: Chris
3rd: Nick
4th: Rachel

DETOUR:
Sense of Smell (pick one real flower from thousands of artificial ones):
Nate & Jennifer
Ron & Chris
TK & Rachel

Sense of Touch (use two robots to kick two goals):
Don & Nick

LEADERBOARD
Team Number 1: Ron & Chris [previously finished 8th, 9th, 5th, 3rd, 3rd, 1st, 3rd, 3rd]
PRIZE: four-seat electric vehicle
Team Number 2: Nate & Jennifer [previously finished 10th, 2nd, 3rd, 2nd, 5th, 3rd, 2nd, 4th]
Team Number 3: Don & Nick [previously finished 5th, 8th, 6th, 4th, 6th, 5th, 1st, 2nd]
Team Number 4: TK & Rachel [previously finished 3rd, 6th, 2nd, 7th, 1st, 4th, 4th, 1st]
ELIMINATED: Kynt & Vyxsin [previously finished 2nd, 4th, 4th, 5th, 2nd, 2nd, 5th]
ELIMINATED: Azaria & Henekea [previously finished 1st, 5th, 1st, 1st, 4th]
ELIMINATED: Shana & Jennifer [previously finished 6th, 3rd, 7th, 6th]
ELIMINATED: Jason & Lorena [previously finished 4th, 1st, 8th]
ELIMINATED: Marianna & Julia [previously finished 9th, 7th]
ELIMINATED: Kate & Pat [previously finished 7th]
ELIMINATED: Ari & Staella