A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila - "The Final Round" (Reunion)

It's time for the gang to get back together to reminisce one last time, on the trainwreck that was "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Our host is Ryan Stout (aka Douchey McDoucherson from the "Hangover" recap show) and just about everyone showed up - with the exception of Scott, Chaos (I don't remember either of them) and Alex, who's on tour with the Spice Girls (I thought this was a joke, until I recalled that he was, in fact, a dancer.) Bobby and Dani are backstage waiting to see TT for the first time since the finale and Brandi is also backstage, awaiting her reunion with crazy Vanessa. (The audience is split between "Team V" and "Team B," and wear t-shirts declaring their allegiance. Sheesh.) But first, the moment I've been waiting for - Keasha! Hey girl, hey! Unfortunately, Keasha's lucid, which takes all the fun out of her (all-too-brief) interview. Ryan calls out the show's 2 virgins - Ashli and Eddie and they're both still saving themselves (Eddie still hasn't come out yet!)

Ryan asks Lala if she had any regrets after leaving the show (she wasn't about to compete against a bunch of dudes.) She says she absolutely stood by her decision and said that her "standards are a little different" than the rest of her castmates (but she showed up here. Go figure.) Marcus gets a request for his awful laugh (which I sure could have lived without hearing again) which prompts simpleton Ashley (the male one) to say that he sounds like a "retarded hyena on crack." (And I thought there was a writers' strike - Ashley couldn't have written that one himself. I don't think "writing" and "Ashley" are very close friends.) Of course, Marcus retorts with a lame "impersonation" of Ahsley and the two get in each others' faces again. Marcus' fight technique involves him repeating the same, unintelligible phrase over and over again. Dumbest. Fight. Ever. Michael brought a date, it's gotta be his mom. Yup, how predicatable. I'm surprised they didn't haul out the couch as well. Mom said watching her son get his balls waxed was "tough." He says he's still working on moving out of the house. Aahh...motivation. Ryan asked about the big bed in Tila's house. Ryan, the "oil executive" said it was fine, because Domenico watched their every move. A-MAN-da said that she actually missed everybody when they were away from the house. Sure she did.

We get to see a bunch of "memorable" clips from the show - Marcus laughing (again), Michael asserting his heterosexuality, Domenico saying that he thought Rebecca used to be a man, Bobby says Ashli has b.o., Ryan says Dani's a beast, Dani says Ryan's a tool (she's right about that one!) Brandi says Steven thinks he knows it all, Amanda thinks everyones "podunk", everyone thinks Amanda looks like a man (uh, hello?), Vanessa's a crazy drunk. Ryan gives the cast a chance to respond and Michael says he's not gay, Ashli does not have b.o., although she 'fesses up to being a bit "funky" at times. Domenico has to be told what "b.o." is (he's from Italy, he should know. Come on!) Rebecca insists she's not and never was a man - Domenico wants to see proof. She declines. Ryan calls Steven and Rebecca front and center to discuss their mysterious bedroom activity. Rebecca admits they were flirting and scratching his back. Steven finally admitted that he gave an intimate part of her a massage and can assert that she is, indeed, a woman. Rebecca said she didn't reciprocate. Someone in the crowd yells "You got robbed!" to Steven. Ryan says everyone needs to apologize to Domenico. Sigh.

Domenico joins Ryan on stage and he's still rocking the headband. He said the secret to his success on the show was that he was just being himself. We get to see the obligatory Domenico montage. Tila says she actually "understands" him and watched how he won everybody over. This, of course, serves as a trailer for Domenico's upcoming MTV dating show, "That's Amore" - co-starring Ashley as his consigliere (a term Ashley completely doesn't understand.)

We now get to see (yet another) fight montage. Marcus vs. Ashley, Steven vs. Rebecca and of course, Vanessa vs. Brandi. Ryan calls Vanessa up on stage and they talk about her relationship with Brandi but first, another montage! This one features their elimination fight. Over and over again. Slow motion and all. Vanessa claims that Brandi wants to be with her and can't decide whether or not she wants to be with a guy or girl either and is a big, fat liar. Ryan reunites the foes on-stage. They face off and start having a nice, private conversation. Brandi told Vanessa that she was a completely different person when she drinks - she even said she was bi-sexual as well. They basically called each other liars for a few minutes. But, will they be friends? Nope, Vanessa walked off the set. Awww....

Gack! Another montage. It's the crying one. Ho-hum. Krystal thought the show was a good opportunity to teach her family about her life as a lesbian. She wasn't as excited as she was before. Finally, it's time to see the woman of the hour, Tila Tequila. She admits she thinks about a few of the cast members once in a while. Ryan brings out Dani and she and TT share a warm hug. Dani still can't understand why Tila didn't pick her. She told Dani she couldn't take her out of her element and away from her career and family. Dani sounded less-than-convinced at her answer. After the show wrapped, Dani went home and had to work through her feelings, because she couldn't discuss anything before the show aired. She's still putting out fires, but she's still a little bitter - I hope she wasn't naive enough to think this was for real!

Tila and Bobby are about to be reunited for the first time since the finale, shot 2 months earlier. According to Tila, they engaged in a little phone sex to make their separation more tolerable. Bobby hits the stage and gives him an awkward-looking hug n' kiss combo. They so don't look convincing. Tila says they have a lot of "making up time to do" and have some "unfinished business." Yeah, sure they do. They teased a "big announcement" from Tila for the whole show - she's hosting the MTV New Year's festivities (which we knew about oh, what, three weeks ago?) At least she didn't announce a new season - I'm just not ready for anymore Tequila! All I've got to say is "Rock of Love 2" debuts on January 13th!