The Amazing Race: Cherry on Top of the Sundae That's Already Melted (Episode 12.06)

If you thought last week's airport intrigue was exciting, then you'll love this episode's madness of phone reservations, Internet searching, queue waiting, attempted line jumping, incorrect seat booking, and missed connections. Oh, and the teams also visit a beautiful European nation on the Mediterranean.

After additional stilted gnome product placement, TK & Rachel rip the clue at 1:00 a.m. Next destination: Dubrovnik, Croatia. Teams will fly 900+ miles and make their way to the base of the Fort of St. Lawrence (locally known as Lovrjenac Fort). Kynt & Vyxsin are 1 minute behind. Each couple interviews about positive aspects of their relationships. Also hopeful are Ron & Christina, who are compares their progress in the race with the progress of their relationship. Father and daughter depart at 1:15 a.m. They stop at a hotel to use the phone and make reservations on LOT Polish Air leaving at 6:25 a.m. and arriving in Croatia at 11:20 a.m.

Azaria & Hendekea leave the mat fourth, at 1:20 a.m. At the airport, the two lead teams use the Internet to discover the first flight out is with Czech Airlines. TK & Rachel decide to wait in line at the ticket counter, which is closed, while Kynt & Vyxsin keep researching for additional options.

1:29 a.m. Nate & Jennifer, a.k.a. Hate-ifer. Not surprisingly, Hate-ifer looks back with regrets, mostly on the fighting. The rest of the race will determine their future relationship yeah yeah heard it all before zzzzzzzzzz. People who use The Amazing Race as make-or-break for their real life annoy me, if you didn't notice. Also, Nate is not interviewed at all in this episode. It's all Hate-ifer's P.O.V. Hmmmm. Don & Nick depart at 1:42 a.m. They don't like being in last place.

At the Vilnius Airport, four of the other five teams line up behind TK & Rachel. However, the fact that Kynt & Vyxin aren't in line starts messing with some players heads. The Goths think their best option is a travel agency that handles many airlines instead of just one. Meanwhile, Christina shares information with Azaria about the Polish Air flight. The siblings give up their spot in line to use a phone to try and call Polish Air but can't get through. This sparks an unattractive and confusing hissing from Azaria toward his sister. Upshot: What he says makes no sense, and yet somehow he manages to blame his sister for his wrong decision. It's pretty uncomfortable.

As Kynt & Vyxsin start to book tickets, Nate & Hate-ifer leave their spot in line to join them. Ron tries to ask Kynt's agent "a quick question" about the office next door, but Kynt asks if Ron can wait until the agent finishes the transaction. Or Ron can get in line. Ron shows his codger side by backing out pissily and snotting, "What's the big deal? It's not [bleeping] with your reservations." Nice. Kynt points out he is not trying to block Ron, and Christina smoothes things over. So now the order at Czech Airlines is TK & Rachel and Nick & Don, who were previously last.

As Czech Airlines opens, Nate & Hate-ifer switch back to that line. TK & Rachel and Don & Nick get seats, but ticketing closes just as Nate & Hate-ifer reach the counter. You can imagine how well that goes over with this calm, rational team. TK & Rachel and Don & Nick run through the airport to make their plane. Kynt & Vyxsin, who tell Azaria & Hendekea to wait until they are done ticketing — everyone's trying to get in front of the Goths— choose to take the later-departing Polish Air flight. Christina & Ron pick up their tickets for that flight as well. Nate & Hate-ifer, bemoaning their bad luck, will also be on this plane.

Azaria & Hendekea argue with each other as they book seats at an agency; Azaria does say "economy" but in an offhand manner. When they reach the check-in counter, they find out that they've been put in business class. They panic and try to fix the mistake, but it's too late. The plane takes off without them. To their credit, they are fairly calm with the same agent as they book tickets through Frankfurt. She informs Azaria & Hendekea that the teams traveling through Prague will have delays and "be late." Sure enough, TK & Rachel and Don & Nick miss their connection. D'oh! TK & Rachel manage to get the next flight out, through Vienna, but it closes before Nick can purchase seats. He and Don fly through Zagreb.

Gah. You know how much of the episode that was? Roughly 40 percent. 40 percent! AT THE AIRPORT.

The 11:20 a.m. plane lands in Croatia. Nate & Hate-ifer, Kynt & Vyxsin, and Ron & Christina take cabs to Fort of St. Lawrence. I've noticed that Christina seems to make sure to learn bits of the local language — notably please, thank you, and fast — which is a good technique, not to mention polite. All three teams admire the breathtaking scenery before getting to the Roadblock: "Who has a builder's eye?" Phil explains the task, but I am completely distracted by the fact that there's a vertical white line in the middle of his fly. Seriously. The wash is smack in the middle of Phil's package. Yikes! Oh, right. Players must choose the correct rock from a pile of 150 and place it properly in one of eight spots in a wall. Ron is the first builder, and begins the task. He finishes before the other two teams — who were dropped off on the other side of the harbor — get there. He and his daughter take a tandem zip line from the roof of Lovrjenac Fort to Fort Bokar and...

Detour! Short & Long or Long & Short. In Short & Long, players must rappel down the fort's wall, climb a rope ladder up a city wall, and walk through Dubrovnik's Old Town to find the next clue. In Long & Short, teams will zipline into the water, row a boat along the city walls, and walk a short distance to the clue box. Ron & Christine choose rowing.

At the Roadblock, Vyxsin compares the task to Tetris. Hee. Nate finishes before Kynt, and he & Hate-ifer pick Long & Short. Kynt & Vyxsin go with Short & Long. In the water, Ron is initially surly with Christina, but they start rowing together and manage to keep their lead. Nate & Hate-ifer waste plenty of time screaming at each other, and it's all so.. weak. I've wasted so much type on these two already. Second verse, same as the first. Kynt and Vyxin encourage each other throughout Short & Long.

Nate & Hate-ifer make it to the clue box first, which tells them to take a taxi 4 miles to the Stone Cross Overlook. Ron & Christina are right behind them. Nate & Hate-ifer can't get a cab because they are "wet." That's no problem for Ron & Chris, however, and Hate-ifer shrieks, "Are you frickin' SERIOUS?!" as their car passes her in the street. Hate-ifer continues her downward spiral by crying, "Our relationship sucks." She and Nate plead for a taxi to no avail — somehow, I think their attitude might be a factor here. Call me crazy. They beg a local to take them to the overlook.

Running under a gun salute, Ron & Christina are team number one! They win a catamaran, and Ron wins some points when he laughs, "We know what that is!" (In the All-Stars season, Phil had to explain to Charla & Mirna what catamarans were after they won them for placing first on a leg.) Nate & Hate-ifer are the second team to arrive, but since they did not take "a legal form of transportation" from the Detour, they have to go back and get a cab. They both stare at Phil with their hands on their hips, looking all of four-years-old. This means that Kynt & Vyxsin are team number two! Nate & Hate — I'm thinking of shortening it, what do you think? — retrace their steps to become team number three. So, so sour.

Rachel makes quick work of the Roadblock, and she and TK Short & Long it to fourth place. Like the Goths, TK & Rachel offer praise and support to each other. Don & Nick are apprehensive that they're on the own with no other teams in sight, but Azaria & Hendekea are not far behind. Don takes his sweet time finding the correct rock, and Nick becomes visibly frustrated. Don finishes and he and Nick decide to Long & Short it. Nick spots the siblings as he and Don are getting attached to a zipline, and Hendekea sees Gramps... and The Boy. Azaria completes the Roadblock, and he and his sister also choose Long & Short. Don & Nick trade off rowing, and Azaria seems to row the whole way.

Time for misdirection: Nick & Don can't find a raxi right away! Azaria & Hendekea remain positive! Each team gets cabs! Cars in the road! Who will it be? Nick & Don arrive fifth, and Azaria & Hendekea, who finished first in three of the five previous legs, are eliminated. I won't miss them.

I was talking with Keira, another TAR fan, and we agreed that this season isn't as exciting or memorable as seasons past. I enjoy TK & Rachel and The Goths, but I'm not actively cheering for them. I'm sick of Nate & Hate's constant whining and bickering; they're not even competent "villians." I don't need to love or hate teams to enjoy The Race, but I would like more than what TAR 12 has been dishing out. CBS just picked the series up for its 13th installment. And yes, I'll be watching.

Next time (in two weeks): Don is "stunned" by a Fast Forward, and Kynt tells Vyxsin to "Stop this car! Right now!"

LEG 5: Rumšiškes, Lithuania, to Vilniusm, Lithuania, to Dubrovnik, Croatia (via Frankfurt, Warsaw, or Prague and Vienna or Zagreb)

PIT STOP: Stone Cross Overlook, Dubrovnik, Croatia

ROADBLOCK: ("Who has a builder's eye?")
1st: Ron
2nd: Nate
3rd: Kynt
4th: Rachel
5th: Don
6th: Azaria

DETOUR:
Short & Long (rappel, scale, walk through streets of Dubrovnik):
Kynt & Vyxsin
TK & Rachel

Long & Short (zipline, swim, row boat through harbor):
Ron & Christina
Nate & Jennifer
Don & Nick
Azaria & Henekea

LEADERBOARD
Team Number 1: Ron & Christina [previously finished 8th, 9th, 5th, 3rd, 3rd]
PRIZE: 12-foot catamaran
Team Number 2: Kynt & Vyxsin [previously finished 2nd, 4th, 4th, 5th, 2nd]
Team Number 3: Nate & Jennifer [previously finished 10th, 2nd, 3rd, 2nd, 5th]
Team Number 4: TK & Rachel [previously finished 3rd, 6th, 2nd, 7th, 1st]
Team Number 5: Don & Nick [previously finished 5th, 8th, 6th, 4th, 6th]
ELIMINATED: Azaria & Henekea [previously finished 1st, 5th, 1st, 1st, 4th]
ELIMINATED: Shana & Jennifer [previously finished 6th, 3rd, 7th, 6th]
ELIMINATED: Jason & Lorena [previously finished 4th, 1st, 8th]
ELIMINATED: Marianna & Julia [previously finished 9th, 7th]
ELIMINATED: Kate & Pat [previously finished 7th]
ELIMINATED: Ari & Staella