Alien's in America: Junior Prank (Episode 9)

Ok, I'm going to come out of the closet and let you all know that I am from Wisconsin. It's true. Total cheesehead. Haven't lived there in 10 years, but still. You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but...blah....blah...blah. So there are a few things about Aliens in America that shouldn't sit right with me, right? I mean, they MOCK the Midwest in a serious way. Like for example, Gary's endless wardrobe full of Packer gear. I'd like to say that's not realistic, but sorry, very true. Or Franny's love of exclamatory sayings, said in a deep nasally accent, that involve cheese in some way? Yup, still rings true. Intolerance of other countries? Perhaps. But the one thing I can say with confidence, is that no Midwesterner in their right mind would buy Alpacas as an investment. Not when cows exist! That's just going a bit too far, writers of Aliens in America. Too far!

Our currently unemployed writing friends start us off this week with Chef Gary commandeering the kitchen, making the family French Toast. Raja really nails one of the supreme joys of America when he comments that Americans can turn even toast into a butter, sugary delight. Perhaps he hasn't had the opportunity to try dessert pizza, yet, because that Pakistani's mind will be blown BLOWN away. Gary's turn as the family sous chef doesn't have everyone as delighted, as Franny works up a little passive aggressive hostility and throws it at Gary for being unemployed. Gary doesn't take the bait, and tells the family Tolchuck that his being out of work is a chance to reinvent himself as the dynamic worker that he's always been. Justin astutely points out that this is not so much of a re-invention, only to be sidelined by Gary's assertion that everyone can be anything they way in life, with the standing exception of athletics, in which case only the blessed are gifted with the good life. (Go Farve!)Beside, Gary is not concerned he's diversified the family finances and things are solid for the Tolchucks. As long as people keep buying Alpaca wool like crazy. This week Claire is taking over Justin's Alpaca duties thanks to a grounding by Franny, who dutifully reminds Claire that Raja will not take over the chore, since he's an honorary member of the family just like those alpacas. I'm sure Raja was touched by Franny's sentiment in some way.

Meanwhile, Gary has a job interview for a job I don't quite understand, and is interviewed by someone who clearly knows more about asset capitalization than both Gary and I. When the interviewer asks a really hard question involving the word supersede (I couldn't even begin to pretend to understand it), Gary laughs it off. Apparently, not so funny to the hiring manager and Gary ends the interview with a request for parking validation.

Raja and Justin finds themselves in the thick of things with the popular kids, who are planning the annual Junior Prank, which was started when the Juniors were jealous that the Seniors were getting all the love for the senior prank. Unfortunately , the Junior prank usually goes beyond the good natured and tends to be pointlessly destructive. However, the allure is that it is absolutely sacred to the Juniors and guys who pull it off are the coolest guys in school. Yup, you can see the wheels turning for Justin, even though the prank really only involves Raja. It seems that Raja being from the middle east is a big plus for the planned prank, which involves Raja dressing up like a terrorist and busting in on a class wearing fake explosives that are really fireworks, and threatening to kill everyone before setting off the fireworks. I kind of see the point that would not play as well if it was done by some kid whose Grandparents came over from Germany or something. Yeah, Pakistan plays better. But, do you think Raja is game? Nope. While he does make some pretty good points - he would get arrested, maybe deported and the firecrackers could kill him Justin takes it on himself to apologize on Raja's behalf, telling the cool kids that he's really smart, which doesn't really sound like a compliment when he says it. Justin volunteers Raja to come up with an even better prank, and Raja dutifully points out that he's still not game for being blown up, so that won't be part of the prank. The cool kids are not convinced until one of them point out that Justin and Raja have to be drafted or else they could nark on the rest. Raja is confused by this and Justin is ecstatic it's just the opportunity a loser like him has been looking for.

After some pretty pathetic brainstorming, the Junior Prank is planned involving a fire hose and some basic flooding of the teachers lounge. After Justin and Raja leave the glowing presence of the cool kids, Raja tries talking some sense into Justin, as he does every episode. The lure of popularity is strong, but Justin compromises to double back after the other guys have left and disconnect the fire hose so the teacher's lounge doesn't get flooded. Raja doesn't understand why Justin doesn't just tell the teachers. Even Justin's explanation of the complexity of being an American teenager who can be either punished for a crime or vilified for being a narc doesn't make sense to Raja, as he longs for the consistency of Pakistan's military dictatorship.

Meanwhile, on the Tolchuck home front, Gary shows Claire how to feed the Alpacas, and stresses upon her the importance of taking care of them, since they are the Tolchuck's future. Claire clearly heads what her father has to say and responds by dumping the food in a corner where the Alpacas can't see it. Ultimately, however, Claire comes around and is wooed by the South American charm of the Alpacas, and they become her closest confidants, in whom she confides gossip and complaints. Every girl she be so lucky to have such good listening Alpacas at their disposal.

Realizing that he and Raja have to get out of the house to help create the Junior Prank, Justin asks the guru of sneaking out Claire for advice. Claire gives Justin the most important bit of information - how to distract Franny (getting her involved in an all night project like listing all of the family's worldly possessions on Craigslist) and how to make sure Gary is asleep so Raja and Justin can sneak past him (Claire takes care of Gary by suggesting that she go with her friend to take your daughter to work day, causing Gary to drown all of his sorrow and disappointment and shame in beer, as any self-respecting Midwesterner would do.)

As Raja and Justin help get the Junior Prank up and running, which Raja casually mentions tha the punishment for such things in Pakistan would be public stoning. Justin throw in a very casual drug joke and admits to one of the other kids that his dad is unemployed too, and wouldn't you know it Justin is in with these guys, and they were bonding all over the place. Amidst all the bonding, the merry pranksters still manage to reek havoc on the school and get the fire hose aimed into the teacher's lounge. As everyone scatters, Justin and Raja wait in the wings and double back before the water is turned on. Their attempts at stopping the plan go a bit amiss and they only succeed in knocking each other over with the direct blast fo the water. Eventually, they do manage to aim the hose away from the building and call it a night.

Turns out that they pointed it directly into the football stadium, which is where Mr. Matthews, who is apparently the only authority figure at the school, takes them in the morning after they were ID'd by the night janitor. While Justin points out that a Muslim boy and a skeleton kid running away from campus could really have referred to anyone, Mr. Matthews is unconvinced, but knows that Justin and Raja are too unpopular to be the brains behind the operation. Raja stands up to Mr. Matthews and assures him that they will never narc, even though he's still not entirely clear on the reason, and Justin stands firm that he won't narc because the pranksters are their friends. Mr. Matthews responds with a divide and concquer technique giving Justin detention and Raja some chocolate. Not quite sure what the chocolate has to do with anything other than to call attention to the fact that Mr. Matthews bought the chocolate's candy dish from Franny on Craigslist. Detention at Medora High School is a bit like a bad 80's high school movie in which all the delinquents hang out and the weak guy gets pummeled while the teachers turn a blind eye. Well, imagine less pummeling and more sitting on someone's head, which is what Justin got treated to in detention.

But, importantly, back to Franny's Craigslist subplot in which Franny realizes that she's sitting on a goldmine with all her stuff that could be sold online when she sees all the crap other people are selling. Franny proudly announces to the family that she made $4,000 selling stuff that the family will never miss, like the dining room table, the replacement dining room table in the shed out back, the shed out back, raja's throw rug (prayer rug.) Gary comes home and also has good news the bottom dropped out of the Alpaca market and the Tolchuck's are being offered the opportunity to own over 400 Alpacas. Suffice it to say, Franny doesn't see the opportunity in all this and reminds Gary that the family has too many mouths to feed as it is and sells the Alpacas on Craigslist (I'd judge the feasibility of that, but you really CAN get everything on there!) Claire is incensed and doesn't want to lose her new friends, aptly named Caitlin, Britney, Ashley, Emma, and Madison. Franny won't hear any of it, and let's everyone know that the man from the petting zoo is coming by to get the girls the next day.

This bit of news causes some real action by everyone. Raja pulls off a prank that both gets Justin back into the good graces of the popular crown, and saves the Alpacas from the petting zoo man. Raja even attributes the alpacas in the teachers lounge to Justin, who gets high points for the absurd whimsy of the prank, as well as the fact that it involves poop.

Gary also jumps into action, going begging for a job when he realizes that the lives of his beloved Alpacas is on the line. One could say that the interviewer may have believed that the little lambs on the verge of being sold by his wife who found a site to buy and sell anything, were not so much his children, but at the end of the day, what does it matter? Gary got a job, Claire got to keep the Alpacas, and Raja and Justin got two weeks detention, but the admiration of the whole school.