This week, the teams never leave Burkina Faso. The leg involves more critter wrangling (although producers take pity on the Racers and provide bags for transport or tie said animals down in plastic bins), includes one of the least suspenseful eliminations ever, and introduces a heinous option called the U-Turn, a.k.a. how to create unnecessary drama and lose friends. And I thought the Yield was stupid. Oy.
Siblings Azaria & Hendekea depart first at 7:48 a.m. Teams have to find tribal chief Dakissaga and accept "a customary gift of generosity" before receiving their next clue. Azaria harangues Hendekea to walk faster and snides in an interview that she has "physical limitations and all that." Nice. Nicer still is that Hendekea scoffs, "Like I'm a retard or something." Then she laughs. The TAR editors blur her mouth and cut the audio for the word, but the ending "erd" sound is noticeable. This makes up for the incorrect onscreen text in Episode 12.02. Hendekea continue to lose points as she continues, "Like I got a gimp leg." Good to know she can insult both the mentally and physically handicapped in less than five seconds. Yeah. Since Ron mostly has been behaving, this moves Hendekea up several spots my Hate list. Nate's Jennifer, a.k.a. Hate-ifer remains queen, however.
Azaria & Hendekea find the chief and discover that the gift is a chicken for each team, which players must put in a white net bag and keep with them for the rest of the leg. The clue says, "No chicken, no check in." Cute. Racers are to travel by taxi 100 miles to the town of Bouda Pelegtanga.
Remember last week when fives teams shared the mat? Well, they staggered the teams' departures, which makes sense, although I would have liked to seen/heard all five clues ripped at once and then the likely rugby scrum that would have happened as each pair tried to get out first. Heh. TK & Rachel leave at 8:12 a.m., Nate & Hate-ifer at 8:13 a.m, Kynt & Vyxsin at 8:14 a.m., Ron & Christina at 8:15 a.m., and Don & Nick at 8:16 a.m.
TK & Rachel are sticking to their laid-back approach. Hate-ifer wants to be first. Kynt spouts some nonsense about "Gothic-oriented people." Does this mean he wears flying buttresses as he devours the most-recent collection of poems by Lord Byron? Ron says his relationship with his daughter is improving because they've moved from last place to fifth place, "a vindication." Christina smiles that she will continue to be patient with her dad. Don can't run with the younguns, but he's got "40 fucking [this is also blurred and without audio] years." They all pick up their chickens and grab cabs.
Shana & Jennifer leave the Pit Stop at 8:38. Shana foreshadows that she and Jennifer are great friends and both have input. Uh huh. They decide to name their chicken Phil (hence the episode's title) because he's got Phil's hairdo, "a little spiky hair." Cut to black-and-white footage of Phil running his hand through his wet hair at the mat in Bingo. Oh, TAR editors. Good work.
At Bouda Pelegtanga, Hendekea has to go to the bathroom, which makes Azaria snarky and impatient. Stupid bodily functions! I doubt she'll be able to piss fast enough for her brother. Ew, that sounds all kinds of wrong. Nate & Hate-ifer reach the clue box first. Detour! Shake Your Pan or Shake Your Booty. Teams have to "choose between a common African trade and a common African art form." They can either use a local panning method to mine one ounce of gold or learn a traditional local dance (with sticks) and be judged by a panel of local celebrities. If the judges don't like the dance, teams will incur a ten-minute penalty.
Nate & Hate-ifer go first. Hate-ifer may be a dancer for the L.A. Clippers, but she and Nate don't bring enough originality to their routine, so they're penalized. TK & Rachel think the dance looks too hard, so they wander off in search of the mining task. This allows Azaria & Hendekea to breeze through their routine and after approval from the judges, they are back in the lead. Teams must walk to the Pelegtanga Market for their next clue. Also at the clue box? A new option called a U-Turn. If players use the U-Turn on another pair, that team is forced to complete both Detours. I've written about my dislike of the Yield elsewhere, and I think the U-Turn is also an unnecessary element in the Race. There's only two U-Turns in each Race, so I guess there's that.
Jason & Lorena depart at 10:07 a.m., nearly two hours behind the main pack and more than 90 minutes after the closest team, Shana & Jennifer. This is when I knew (spoiler!) they were goners, unless it was an elimination leg (spoiler!), which it wasn't. The Doomed Ones are positive and upbeat, saying that they're not quitters.
TK & Rachel amble aimlessly, as they are wont to do. As a reult, Don & Nick beat them to Shake Your Pan. Grandfather and grandson make short work of the task, and move into third place! Rachel can't believe Gramps... and The Boy (hee!) finished so fast.
Azaria & Hendekea choose not to U-Turn anyone at the Pelegtanga Market, and the clue tells them to travel by taxi to the Tampouy Goat Market on the outskirts of Ouagadougou. Once their, teams must complete a Roadblock that asks the question, "Who's ready for a juggling act?" One team member must load up a bicycle with several unwieldy items, including a kid tied down in a plastic bin. And by kid, I mean a wee goat. Then the player must deliver all items to a certain person in the marketplace. Another nod to season past: a crowded marketplace likely to induce severe culture shock. Hooray! Azaria starts loading his bike as Nate & Hate-ifer arrive, Hate-ifer taking the Roadblock.
Ron & Christina dance, as do Kynt & Vyxsin. Father and daughter take the "booty" aspect of the Detour very seriously, rubbing their posteriors against each other in the worst example of The Bump that I've even seen. The panel is not impressed, and Ron & Christina are forced to sit out for ten minutes. Kynt twirls his stick (not like that!) around his arms and shoulders while Vyxsin sticks to traditional moves. Their dance receives high praise —"you are wonderful" — and they move into fourth place and then third when Don & Nick can't find the clue box at the Pelegtanga Market. Ron & Christina finish their penalty and are in fifth place.
One thing: many of the teams in the dancing task pleaded "Merci, merci," to the judges before the decision was revealed. I am a troglodyte, and even I know that French for "please" is s'il vous plait. Merci is "thank you." So some Racers were begging, "Thank you, thank you." Heh. Sadly, the only other French I know — aside from kissing — is Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?
Shanna & Jennifer choose Shake Your Booty, and the less said about their "dance" the better. They crawl on the ground as if they're on this season of America's Next Top Model,use the sticks as poles, and display far too far too much pelvic grinding. The panel votes them through; I think they just want these crazy blond women out of their village. TK & Rachel finish mining around the same time, and all four are off to the Pelegtanga Market. Shana & Jennifer see the clue box and another team in the distance. The blondes think it's Jason & Lorena, so Shana uses the U-Turn in spite of Jennifer's objections. Shana explains that she thought they were the second-to-last-team. TK & Rachel — who I think lucked out here, given their propensity for getting lost — think it was a bad move strategically. TK wouldn't have used the U-Turn.
In the taxi on the way to the Goat Market, Shana claims to have had no choice and that she loves Jason & Lorena. Jennifer thinks "Karma is a bitch" (please stop channeling Ari), but Shana thinks "it's not a karma thing" but part of the competition. I see both sides of this: I think that the Yield and the Detour are stupid additions, but they are legitimate options within the game, and using one to your advantage over your opponents is one way to play to gain an advantage within the Race. Is it "cheating"? No. Is it good sportsmanship? Maybe not.
Speaking of, Jason & Lorena choose booty shaking, with Jason singing a little KC & the Sunshine band medley as they go. Heh. They dance crazily and are not penalized. However, they are pissed when they find out that Shana & Jennifer U-Turned them. But Jason & Lorena remain cheerful as they complete the second Detour.
At the Tampouy Goat Market, Nick, Vyxsin, and Christina take the Roadblock. As they work, Azaria finishes first with Hate-ifer right behind. The teams are neck and neck as they take taxis to the Pit Stop, the Hotel de Ville, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. Ron tells Christina how to load her bike, but when she shushes him, he actually quiets down. I know! Vyxsin has a lot of trouble keep her items attached as her bicycle falls over several times.
TK & Rachel arrive right before Shana & Jennifer. Rachel and Shana decide to be "jugglers." Jennifer interviews that the U-Turn was "a grave mistake." The show tries to convey tension, as if Jason & Lorena will catch up, but considering we haven't seen them with any other teams, the "tension" is nonexistent.
Top Two. Azaria & Hendekea and Nate & Hate-ifer talk smack in their respective cabs until they pull alongside the Hotel de Ville. Jump out of cab, footrace, run, run, run. And Azaria & Hendekea finish first once again, for their third victory in four legs. They each receive a Yamaha Motor Scooter, which they can enjoy after the Race. I always liked that disclaimer; as if prizewinners immediately want to jet off the to Bahamas or zip around on their scooters RIGHT NOW. Hate-ifer is decidedly bitter as she fumes, "I just feel like everyone should get their time and they've already had their time two times before this." Well, maybe you should run FASTER then and EARN your victory. I don't like Hendekea much, especially in light of her earlier comments, but I can't fault her for responding, "I didn't feel comfortable, like, letting someone else come in first when I knew that we could run and get here first."
Nick completes the Roadblock, and as he passes Christina in the crowded, muddy streets, he puts one large paw on her head. Aw. Christina kisses her fingers and touches the veil of her contact as she gets the clue. Double aw. Vyxsin continues to have trouble, but several local children help her, smiling all the while. After she completes the task, she tries to explain her emotions to Kynt in their taxi. Her face is streaked with tears as she says, "And these people... this is so wonderful. I mean, to grow up and just live and this is it for you, you know?" She breaks down and sobs. Kynt tells her it's okay. Fine. Triple aw.
Rachel & Shana finally ride their bikes into the market, but none of the locals help them. They eventually drop off their wares to the proper people, and Rachel gets lost. I know! Jason & Lorena remain positive — or delusional, take your pick — as they head toward Tampouy Goat Market. At one point, Lorena tears up, and Jason reassures her with kinds words and a smile. Then she looks at him. And, yeah, they totally love each other.
In another close race to the mat, Ron & Christina and Don & Nick are teams three and four. Nick drapes one arm around Don and the other around Christina, who doesn't even come within six inches of Nick's shoulders. He is lanky, she is wee. Kynt & Vyxsin finish fifth, and he talks about how warm and friendly everyone has been to them. Vyxsin claims that the events of today are "life altering and amazing," and she shares some moving words about how hard it is to see such good people with so little.
Shana returns before Rachel, and she and Jennifer are team number six. TK & Rachel, who finally, finally, finally gets back to her partner, finish seventh. And even though Jason takes the Roadblock, there is no way to overcome both the initial 90-minute deficit and the U-Turn, so he and Lorena are eliminated. She says the Race has taught her not to rush things, and Jason blah blah blahs something about how marriage is a confinement and there's a deeper love in being "free." Whatever THAT means.
And yes, everyone checked in with their respective chickens.
Next week: Ron falls — hard — off a pair of stilts. Shana & Jennifer fight, and then almost get hit by a bus. Really.
LEG 3: Bingo, Burkina Faso, to Bouda-Pelegtanga, to Pelegtanga Market, to Tampouy Goat Market, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso
PIT STOP: Hotel de Ville, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso
U-TURN: Used by Shana & Jennifer on Jason & Lorena
DETOUR: Shake Your Pan or Shake Your Booty
Shake Your Pan (pan 1 oz. of gold using tradition methods):
Don & Nick
TK & Rachel
Jason & Lorena (U-Turned)
Shake Your Booty (perform a traditional dance for a panel of local celebrities):
Azaria & Hendekea
Nate & Jennifer
Ron & Christina
Kynt & Vyxsin
Shana & Jennifer
Jason & Lorena (U-Turned)
ROADBLOCK: Ride a heavily loaded bike through a marketplace ("Who's ready for a juggling act?")
1st: Azaria
2nd: Nate's Jennifer
3rd: Nick
4th: Christina
5th: Vyxsin
6th: Shana
7th: Rachel
8th: Jason
LEADERBOARD
Team Number 1: Azaria & Hendekea [previously finished 1st, 5th, 1st]
PRIZE: two Yamaha motor scooters
Team Number 2: Nate & Jennifer [previously finished 10th, 2nd, 3rd]
Team Number 3: Ron & Christina [previously finished 8th, 9th, 5th]
Team Number 4: Don & Nick [previously finished 5th, 8th, 6th]
Team Number 5: Kynt & Vyxsin [previously finished 2nd, 4th, 4th]
Team Number 6: Shana & Jennifer [previously finished 6th, 3rd, 7th]
Team Number 7: TK & Rachel [previously finished 3rd, 6th, 2nd]
ELIMINATED: Jason & Lorena [previously finished 4th, 1st, 8th]
ELIMINATED: Marianna & Julia [previously finished 9th, 7th]
ELIMINATED: Kate & Pat [previously finished 7th]
ELIMINATED: Ari & Staella
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