Smallville: Blue (Episode 708)

Clark sits in front of the fire, contemplating his photo of Lara. Kara comes home dressed as a beach bunny, having returned from a surfing trip with Jimmy to "Coast City." Really, now, I think when we leave the confines of Kansas we're allowed to use real place names. Kara catches Clark's brooding mood, and Clark wonders if she ever feels her parents calling to her. She promises to tell him all there is to know about Lara in the morning, and heads to bed.

Surfer Dudette Barbie after a few rounds of "Sex on the Beach." Both kinds.

Clark begins to hear a whispery female voice calling to him from the barn, and when he goes to check it out, Kara's blue crystal is glowing brightly from its hiding place in the floor. He grasps it, and clearly hears Lara's voice pleading with him to come to the Fortress and save her. The crystal glows brightly, and suddenly Clark is whisked to his comfy, spiny home away from home at the North Pole.

The voice of Jor-El wastes no time telling Clark he's making a mistake, as usual. Clark argues that his mother needs his help and prepares to jab the crystal into a slot in the control panel, but Jor-El warns that the crystal was made by Zor-El, and that Zor-El was motivated only by power and greed. Lara's voice pipes up to tell Clark to hurry, and Clark ignores Jor-El's last warning not to give in to human emotions. He plunges the crystal into the panel. The chamber goes dark except for the now-blue display, and then a jolt of blue energy shoots from the crystal, through Clark, and bounces off a few structural stalagmites before hitting the floor and conjuring up the figure of Lara.

"Your father dressed in primary colors, too! He would be so proud."

Lara thinks Clark is Jor-El at first, but when he identifies himself as Kal-El, she is surprised to find him a man. Yes, we viewers are still surprised by that, on occasion. They embrace happily, but in the shadows we see someone watching them.

After the credits, Clark leads Lara into his house, telling her that when he heard her calling to him, she sounded like she was in danger. Lara's last memory is of Krypton exploding around her, and thinks perhaps Jor-El opened a portal and sent her forward in time. Clark is about to tell her how she really got here, when suddenly Kara comes in. She is overjoyed to see Lara, but recognizes that she must have come from the crystal. Lara realizes that Zor-El's plan to bring her back by storing her DNA in the crystal must have worked, but she warns them that he almost certainly planned for his own replication as well. This is obviously bad news, but Clark notes that they have him outnumbered three to one.

At the Daily Planet, Babriel sorts through some blurry photographs that fail to capture Metropolis's philandering mayor in a compromising position with his nanny. Lois huffs that her story ought to be enough to suggest that the mayor has lost his better judgment, and Babriel agrees that that can happen to a man sometimes. They kiss, but Lois breaks it off, wondering if Babriel's attraction to her is what got her the job. He shows her an article she wrote before they met that convinced him to hire her -- before he realized she was irresistible. Aww. Cute, but you've still got to disclose the relationship to HR. Maybe you'll luck out and turn out more like Pam and Jim than Michael and Jan.

Outside Babriel's office, Chloe prepares to knock, but hears things crashing to the floor as Babriel and Lois brush against his desk. Chloe opens the door to find them obliviously sucking face, and ducks back out with a worried expression.

At the farm, Kara is gazing unhappily out the barn shutters when Zor-El zips up behind her. He embraces her in relief, and she hugs him back for a moment before telling him she knows he tried to kill his brother. He claims to have changed, that his second chance at life has taught him that with their planet gone, all they have left is their family. He wants to start over with her, and with Lara and Kal-El -- Kara only has to trust him. She hugs him, still unsure, but when he tells her to wait for him at the Fortress, she nods.

'Sup, bro?

Lionel sits at his desk at Luthorcorp, when a sudden whoosh reveals Zor-El standing over him. Zor-El identifies him immediately as Jor-El's vessel, and I gotta say, y'all, it's kind of a scary moment. Before Lionel can say anything, Zor-El yanks him out of his chair and slams him onto his back on the desk, one hand at his throat. He demands that, in his capacity as Jor-El's emissary, Lionel convince Lara and Kal-El to listen to him. Zor-El hurls Lionel across the room, sending him through a glass table. Dude, as many times as that has happened to the Luthors over the last six years, you'd think they'd invest in wood. Lionel, trying to crawl away, refuses to divert Clark from following the path of his own destiny. LOVES HIM. Zor-El, on the other hand, does not. He charges Lionel, but Clark zips in in the nick of time to shove Zor-El out the window, and a few seconds later, we see a black blur swoosh past it as Zor-El flies away. Seems clear to me that Clark will eventually learn to fly not through maturity, but through response to peer pressure.

As the paramedics strap Lionel onto a stretcher and carry him away, he warns Clark that Zor-El is looking for a woman named Lara.

At the Planet, Lois enters the bullpen to find a very chilly Chloe working on a story. Lois wonders if Chloe got up on the wrong side of the bed, but Chloe counters that at least she woke up in her own bed. Busted, Lois tries to explain, but Chloe reams her for the stupidity of getting involved with her editor. Lois protests that it had nothing to do with her "getting the job or getting ahead." Chloe believes her, but warns Lois that no one else will, and that if she wants to be taken seriously as a reporter, she should break off her relationship with Babriel before the gossip mill starts churning.

Oliver Queen's clock tower penthouse. Clark tells Lara she should be safe here until he finds Zor-El. Lara argues that she has nothing to fear from Zor-El finding her, and she has a point -- if Zor-El wants to start a family again, he's hardly going to destroy his only breeding option. Clark doesn't want to lose his real mother after all this time, but Lara reasons that he already did -- she's dead, and this Lara is only a copy. Oh, Lara, we do not trouble ourselves with logic on Smallville. You will learn, if you spend enough time here. Just then, Lana arrives, saying that Kara told her Clark might need help. Clark introduces her to his mother and asks her to stay with Lara while he's gone. Lana nervously goes to make tea.

Lara slips off her necklace, on which is strung a silver ring banded with blue. She gives the ring to Clark, telling him it was presented to Jor-El when he first joined the council, and that it is Kryptonian tradition to pass it on to the first-born son when he comes of age. I'm not real clear on how Lara's DNA brought back the ring, too, but whatever, maybe it came with the clothes. Anyway, forgetting that he doesn't have the best track record with Kryptonian jewelry, Clark instantly puts the ring on his finger. His eyes glow blue for a moment, but when Lara asks what's wrong, he says he feels fine.

The spice must flow.

Outside, as Clark leaves the tower, Zor-El greets him with true villain pompousness. Clark asks how he found him, and doesn't believe it when Zor-El reveals that Kara told him. He tells Clark that she waits for them at the Fortress to begin the "mission to save [their] race." Zor-El sneers that Jor-El could have done it if he hadn't been such a "feeble-minded pacifist." Oh, Zor-El, I wouldn't judge your brother too harshly. Twenty years as a disembodied voice can rearrange a man's priorities.

Zor-El wants Clark to help him serve their people, but when Clark refuses and tries to throw a punch, Zor-El catches his hand neatly and tosses him across the alley into a car windshield. Clark, bleeding, stares at his ring. Zor-El confirms that the blue mineral robs Clark of his powers, and he knew he could count on an ignorant Lara to pass it on to Clark. He appeals to Clark to accept his destiny as an El to help him rule this planet, but Clark refuses. Zor-El sneers that if Clark weren't Lara's son, he would kill him. He zips into the air.

Back at Oliver's penthouse, which tragically does not contain Oliver, Lana nervously pours tea, spilling it everywhere. She denies Lara's observation that she is uncomfortable, but Lara can see that Lana is hiding darkness within her. She encourages Lana to fight to keep her goodness. Ho hum, hum ho. Zor-El bursts in and grabs Lara. Lana comically demands that Zor-El let Lara go, but he shoves Lana into the elevator just as Clark reaches the top of it. As he bends to see if she is okay, Zor-El zips away with Lara.

At the Planet, Clark finds Chloe, who didn't expect to see him looking "Raging Bull bad." Heh. She offers him some advice: "Until your wedding day, refrain from wearing rings of any kind." Word. Chloe sympathizes with Clark's need to reconnect with his long-lost mother, but one cannot bring people back from the dead and not expect to bring back a demon or two with them. What? Oh, Smallville. Right. Clark argues that Lara is not a zombie. Right, dude, she's a clone. Still not your mom, k? Chloe suggests that without his powers, Clark should turn to Kara for help, but Clark sadly says that Kara has turned against him, so he's got to find a way to get the ring off his finger. He asks Chloe to give him a ride home.

Bend over. Aim. Thrust your stick at some balls. Nope, no gay here.

At Luthor mansion, Lex begins a game of pool. He tells his unseen companion that he knew the man would like this town, for the women if nothing else. Oh yes, forget California girls. If only the Beach Boys had ever been to Kansas. Sure enough, Lex's guest is none other than Babriel, who claims casually that he hasn't had time to date. Lex continues to fish, though, dropping Lois's name until Babriel admits he's been seeing her. Lex tells him he can date anyone but Lois; her insatiable curiosity ensures that she'll eventually connect the dots. (La la la la.) Babriel insists he can keep her out of their business, and anyway, all that Lex has done for him doesn't give him the right to run his life. Lex reminds Babriel that he would be nothing without Lex. Quite literally, apparently, but we'll get to that later.

At the Fortress of Upside Down Icicles, which still glows blue under the crystal's influence, Zor-El and Lara arrive to find Kara waiting for them. Lara warns Kara to get out of there, but Zor-El insists they will be a family. Lara has no intention of being the Eve to his Adam, but Zor-El thinks she will if her son is threatened. Reluctantly, she agrees, and Zor-El sets to work rearranging some of the crystals in the control panel. He intends to wipe out the "human detritus" by drawing a curtain over the sun, and when they are all dead, the Els can begin their mission. Kara tries frantically to pull out the blue crystal, but Zor-El patronizes that only Kal-El can remove it. How very Arthurian legendary of it. Zor-El promises to go and bring Kal-El into the fortress if Lara will swear not to speak another word against him.

Its hold is very strong, the preciousssss.

In the Kent barn, Clark tries to grind the ring off his finger, to no avail. He has to find a way to get to the Fortress without his powers, and Chloe presents a book where Clark has apparently kept hidden the octagonal key to the portal in the caves. It amazes me that the writers can remember about that and forget about other, more glaring continuity issues, but I'm getting ahead of myself again. Suddenly, it begins to get dark, and Clark and Chloe head outside to see the sun being eclipsed by a dark circle. According to the insta-forecast on Chloe's phone, they're due for clear weather, and an eclipse is astronomically impossible. Yet one is happening, and YOU'RE BOTH STARING STRAIGHT AT IT. Clark realizes it must be Zor-El's doing.

At the Planet, the bullpen reporters are standing around like sheep watching the eclipse when Babriel storms in and orders them all to get to work reporting on it instead of gaping at it. He tells "Lane" that he needs to see her in his office "five minutes ago."

In Babriel's office, they both try to talk at once. While they both admit they've been kinda swept off their feet, they agree that they should stop seeing each other. There is the obligatory disappointment in their faces that the other feels the same way, but they soldier through, one-upping each other with common sense reasons for breaking it off. As he goes to the door to let her out, however, they lose all composure and resume the tonsil hockey.

At the Great Northern Crystal Sea Anemone, Lara draws a huge sword-like dagger from among the crystals in the panel. Kara joins her, blaming herself for what has happened. She takes the dagger from Lara, unwilling to allow anything to happen to her. Just then Zor-El arrives, claiming to have been unable to find Kal-El. Lara doesn't believe he had any intention of bringing him, and Kara makes a lame, totally telegraphed attempt to stab her father with the dagger. He stops her easily. She protests that he was wrong about humans, that they are good people and worth defending. Aw, looks like she found time to read some Hemingway between episodes of Iron Chef and Rachael Ray. Claiming she has left him no choice, Zor-El knocks Lara away and lifts Kara by the throat, strangling her.

Two can play the poisonous indigenous mineral game.

With a whoosh, Clark arrives with a piece of kryptonite, backing Zor-El to the ground. Kara yells that Clark must pull the sword from the stone crystal from the panel in order to stop the eclipse. He does, and Lara insists that the only way to defeat Zor-El and the ring is to destroy the crystal. Clark is not willing to destroy Lara as well, but Lara maintains that Clark cannot fulfill his destiny without his powers. Off to the side, Zor-El manages to get clear of the kryptonite and attacks Kara. When it looks as though he is about to impale her on a crystal panel, Lara's pleas finally reach Clark, and he shatters the crystal into a million pieces. When he looks up, he is alone. Kara is gone...

...only to wake up at night in the middle of a busy street in the pouring rain. Cars swerve to avoid her, horns blaring, and she runs to a diner on the sidewalk. The door is locked, but a waitress closing up kindly lets her in. Kara asks where she is, and when the waitress says Detroit, Kara's face shows no recognition. When the waitress asks her name, Kara doesn't know it. Oh, fun.

Who's a flying expert, now?

At the barn the next day, Clark moves bales of hay from one spot to another. As one does when one needs pointless activity as a backdrop to a scene about blaming oneself for everything in the history of ever. Lana comes in to try to offer comfort, but Clark doesn't even know if Kara is alive, all because he let his emotions cloud his common sense. Lana plays the if-anyone-understands-missing-your-mom-it's-me card, which might have been more effective if a cooler and more sympathetic character hadn't already played it several scenes back. She argues that Clark's emotions are part of who he is, blah blah humancakes, and Clark notes soberly that to his surprise, his mother completely lived up to the image he had built up of her. Lana laments that she'll never be as brave as Lara, and wonders if she's as good a person as Clark deserves. Clark, unfortunately, is too polite to ask how this scene became about Lana, and he assures her that it is how we come back from our mistakes that matters.

At the Planet, Chloe finds Lois hard at work on an eclipse story, complaining about the keyboard inventor's lack of vision: "How hard would it have been to put the letters in alphabetical order?" Heh. Learn your home keys, darlin'. Life will be much easier. Chloe geeks out over some astronomers' theories that it wasn't an actual eclipse, but a cloud of water molecules blocking out the sun. Did they theorize about why it happened right over Smallville? Fascinating, that. Babriel breezes in to berate Lois for her leisurely typing pace, reporting that someone on the third floor has already beaten her to the story. He dismisses her with a haughty suggestion that she take a typing class. Chloe offers Lois a sympathetic look, lamenting that Babriel isn't man enough to take their break-up in stride. Lois makes a show of agreeing, and turns away to answer a text. "Already miss you. Can't wait until tonight -- GG." For the curious, his number is (913) 593-1695. Go to town.

At the mansion, Lex is on the phone with one of his peeps, telling them to "proceed as planned," since the eclipse did not affect any of their satellites. Okey doke, guess we'll hear more about that later. Babriel enters to report that he and Lois "no longer share a toothbrush" (ew) but takes exception to Lex's insistence that it's for his own good. Angrily, he drops a handful of electronic bugs on Lex's desk. "What am I, Lex, your own private reality show?" Oh, man. I nominate that as an option to get us through the strike. Mmmm. Lex apologizes for going overboard, but he's only trying to protect him. Babriel says they can't keep "it" a secret forever, and he isn't afraid of Lionel. Lex says that Lionel could kill him. Babriel finally stops beating around the bush: he's Lionel's son, Lex's brother, and Lionel wouldn't kill him.

Yes. I hear you. Let's finish the scene first.

Lex explains that Lionel wouldn't take kindly to the world finding out that he'd lied about his son's death and secretly given him up for adoption because his wife was terminally ill. Lex assures Babriel that it's better that the world knows him as Grant Gabriel. Babriel: "My name is Julian Luthor!" Lex: "Not outside of this room." Dun dun dun.

Okay, let's tear that to shreds, shall we? Hell, let's put aside for the moment the FACT that there was no faking Julian's death; we know from Lex's own memory that Lillian smothered him to death. Lionel wasn't even on the scene until several minutes later -- far too late to do anything about it. But as I said, let's put that aside, since I'm sure the writers will find a way to wank it, as only comic book and soap writers can. Let's focus on the fact that the laws of time have been completely thrown out the window. Lex is six years older than Clark -- during the first meteor shower, Clark was three and Lex was nine -- and that was in 1989, which makes Lex now 27. We know from the episode above that Lex was twelve when Julian was born. Which means that if Babriel is Julian, he would be FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.

Can't even drive yet, and he's Editor in Chief. Behold the mighty Luthor gene.

Deep breaths. Retract claws. Moving on.

At the House of Cold Hard Pricks -- yeah, yeah, I'll have to iron my hands for that one -- Clark demands that Jor-El help him find Kara, as she is not to blame for her father's treachery. True to form, Jor-El calmly reminds Clark that if he had obeyed him in the first place, this would not have happened. Clark asks what became of the man who, on Krypton, believed in helping people. Jor-El says simply that that is not is mission. Clark doesn't believe him. Man, it's times like this when I wish they would just bring Terence Stamp physically onto the screen, for crying out loud. His voice is awesome, but it's so damn ambiguous that it's impossible to read it. Jor-El says that only Zor-El would know what became of Kara, but in the meantime, Clark's choice to defy his father yet again "cannot go without consequence."

The light in the chamber builds dramatically to a white-out, and...credits.

That's it for four weeks, folks! I gotta say, my recapping digits could use the break, but I think we only have three more episodes in the can for who knows how long until the strike ends. Eep.

screencaps courtesy svfan and dj_capslock