This week features a very angry man, bad editing (I couldn't believe it either!), boring tasks in Amsterdam proper, the proper spelling of Vyxsin's name (I think), a new nickname for one of the Jennifers, and Gramps in underpants covered with mud. It's The Amazing Race!
Azaria & Henekea, who were the first to arrive at the Pit Stop (Connemara Heritage Centre), depart at 12:00 a.m. Next stop: Amsterdam. After flying nearly 600 miles, teams will travel by train to Centraal Station. Phil says the teams will have to search the canals for "the Melkmeisjesbrug Bridge" (translated to the Milkmaid's Bridge... Bridge — is that like the Rio Grande River?) for their next clue. The sibs are followed eight minutes later by Kynt & Vyxsin. Kynt knows "they are going to love Vyxsin and I [in Amsterdam]." There's some stupid comment about dwelling in the dark, and can we please stop this already? They're fairly charming when not banging the goth gong.
TK & Rachel take off in third place. TK claims his relationship with Rachel is way more important than the Race.
Jason & Lorna are "golden" and "calm & composed." For now. Jason sees the challenges as a way for them to start "connecting,” illustrated with an intertwined hand gesture. Good grief.
Donald & Nicholas leave fifth at 1:35 a.m. Nick's grandfather has an attitude that is too slow sometimes, which drives Nicholas "insane." Hi, Foreshadowing!
Shana & Jennifer, team number six, depart at 1:57 a.m. I can tell them apart now, mostly because Shana kicks major ass through this episode. She's the one with the round face and buggier eyes. Her Jennifer (not to be confused with Nate's Jennifer — she's the shrieky blonde who called Kate & Pat "bitches" last week) has a narrower nose and a furrowed brow. Shana says something about not having a manicure or facial, and are these women for real? I find it very strange that people who dedicate a large amount of time to their outward appearance by using cosmetics — this includes Kynt & Vyxksin as well — think that they can/should keep up this daily routine during the Race, or that it's even important. I know your mug is on national television and all, but a million dollars!
At 2:47 a.m., Ron & Christina rip their clue. She says they are trying to "work out the kinks in our relationship." We'll soon see that might be impossible. Christina almost forgets the fanny pack — which, because they're still in Ireland, ha! — and Ron berates her. Kate & Pat follow a minute later, and earn my eternal admiration and gratitude for the following exchange:
Kate: We are religious people, but we have no illusions that God cares whether or not we win The Amazing Race.
Pat: (laughing) No?! Dang!
And these ladies work for the big guy, so they know what they're talking about. They team up with Ron & Christina, who waited for them.
The blondes pass Donald & Nicholas, who have stopped to change a flat tire. One of the men mutters that the women "definitely could not help us." Shana calls them, hilariously, "Gramps... and the Boy." HA! That should be their nickname.
Marianna & Julia and Nate & Jennifer leave the pit stop last. The sisters take a right, which prompts a rattle from the soundtrack as well as a slow-motion shot of a road sign. That can't be good. Nate & Jennifer travel a different way.
Azaria & Henekea, Kynt & Vyxsin, TK & Rachel, and Jason & Lorena all arrive at the airport. The counter opens at 6:00 a.m., and there's a flight to Dublin at 7:00 a.m.
Ron & Christina and Kate & Pat stop at a B&B with Internet access. As Christina tries to find flight information, Ron starts freaking out about wasting time. Nate & Jennifer pass the B&B, and Ron gets more upset. Kate tries to calm Ron, but he's itching to get going. It looks as if Christina was using the Internet to only research flights, which doesn't make sense to me. Buying tickets online is another matter, of course, but that doesn't seem to be what she's doing. This is the nicest Ron is to his daughter, so savor the awkward.
Shana & Jennifer arrive at the Shannon airport, and so do Donald & Nick, who are not in 5th place, no matter what the onscreen text would want you to believe. What's up TAR editors? I may be nitpicky, but this is a pretty basic thing. They are the sixth team in line. Nate & Jennifer are right behind them, and their text says 6th place. No. Seventh.
The counter opens, and the first five teams — Azaria & Henekea, Kynt & Vyxsin, TK & Rachel, Jason & Lorena, and Shana & Jennifer — book a flight from Shannon to Amsterdam via Dublin with no problem. However, the flight from Dublin to Amsterdam only has limited seats. One of the agents is crazy fast on the keyboard. So much so that even though Donald & Nick were ahead of them in line, Nate & Jennifer manage to snag the last two seats on the Dublin-Amsterdam flight.
Okay, this is just annoying me now. Ron & Christina have arrived and are team number eight. They don't get a ranking. But Kate & Pat, the ninth team to Shannon's airport are "Currently in 7th Place"? What the hell , TAR Editors? You used to be the best! You used to be able to count! Why are you hurting me this way?
Donald & Nicholas and Ron & Christina run to another ticket counter try to get on standby. Ron says he is being polite to his agent, but Nicholas is quite aggressive, telling the woman behind the counter to make sure he's first and to "please move faster." She tells Donald & Nicholas to move to the side. Ron thinks Nicholas made Ron & Christina look bad and FLIPS OUT. Christina immediately tries to intercept him before he starts (that's telling, isn't it?), but Ron is on a tear. Nicholas admits he was "hasty," but Ron keeps going, blathering about good cop/bad cop and wax in his ears. Yikes. Christina tries to diffuse the situation with no luck. Donald & Nicholas look more amused than anything else.
Donald & Nicholas make the Shannon-Dublin-Amsterdam flight. Ron & Christina, Kate & Pat, and Marianna & Julia, who finally make it to the airport, are on the second flight. At 12:15 p.m., the first six teams land in Amsterdam. Everyone but Azaria & Henekea stop to buy tickets for Centraal Station; the siblings decide to purchase tickets on the train instead, and as a result they stay in first place. The other five teams have to wait ten minutes.
Azaria & Henekea arrive at Milkmaid's Bridge Bridge. Detour! First one of the season. The two options are Hoist It and Hunt it. In Hoist It, teams have to hoist five pieces of furniture up the side of a building using a traditional rope and pulley system. It requires "brain and brawn," but the houses are only a few feet from the clue box. In Hunt It, teams have to find two color-coded bikes among thousands and then ride five miles to get their clue. Azaria & Henekea choose the bikes. The other five teams — Kynt & Vyxsin, TK & Rachel, Jason & Lorena, Shana & Jennifer, and Nate & Jennifer — all choose Hoise It One team member goes inside and will pull the furniture through an open window while his or her partner chooses the furniture, ties it, and hauls it up. Jason, Vyxsin, Shana, Nate, and TK are the hoisters. They all get pointers from professionals on how to tie knots.
Donald & Nicholas, now in seventh place (and the onscreen text is correct at last!) choose Hunt It.
Jason & Lorena are the first to finish the Detour, and receive their instructions to travel by bus to Ransdorp, a rural village.
After Vyxsin hoists four of the five objects, she and Kynt switch places. She encourages him as Nate & Jennifer, surprisingly, bicker. "You're a guy; you need how to do these physical things." And with that, Nate's Jennifer is now my least favorite. TK has yet to hoist anything.
Azaria & Henekea find both bikes, and Donald & Nicholas find one.
Jennifer & Nate switch places and she becomes the hoister. Shana finishes, lies down in the street, and begs for a chiropractor. Heh. Jennifer & Nate complete the task, and they catch up with Jason & Lorena at the bus stop. Kynt & Vyxsin just miss that bus, so they're forced to wait for the next one.
Donald & Nicholas find their second bike and begin riding.
TK & Rachel are STILL at the detour. They finally switch places, and Rachel is able to tie the knots and hoist away.
The second plane lands at 1:55 p.m.
Jason & Lorena, Shana & Jennifer, and Nate & Jennifer arrive at the Roadblock. Phil explains the task is "a skill once used by Dutch farmers traveling through fields: ditch vaulting." It's also known as Fierljeppen. Aw, c'mon — why didn't they let Phil say Fierljeppen? Hmph. The team member has to grab a pole and vault across a muddy marsh to get the next clue. "Which of you is the acrobat?" In this group, it's Nate's Jennifer, Shana, and Jason. Jason successfully crosses on his first attempt, but gets a little muddy on the way back.
The teams then must ride a bakfiets to the next Pit Stop, the Durgerdam Yacht Club, which is on Europe's second largest lake.
Azaria & Henekea, TK & Rachel, & Donald & Nicholas take the second bus to Ransdorp with Kynt & Vyxsin.
Nate's Jennifer tries to vault the ditch and lands flat on her back near the edge of the marsh. She is covered in slime and whatever else is in that brackish water. It's pretty awesome. Shana makes it on her first try, but eats large amounts of mud and muck on the return trip as her pole dips to the side, causing her to land right in the middle of the marsh. She's a good sport about it, though. Nate's Jennifer — should I call her Hate-ifer? — finally vaults across as well. In the bakfiets, Hate-ifer spits in the street and then spits out, "That frickin' little bitch did it.” Yup. She's now christened Hate-ifer.
Marianna & Julia choose Hunt It at the Milkmaid's Bridge Bridge. Ron & Christina initially decided to Hoist It, but Ron frets that he doesn't know the knots. Christina says she does. Kate & Pat pick the bikes. Ron thinks they are wasting their time at the furniture, so Christina agrees to switch to Hunt It. Then he says there will be "oceans of bicycles," but Christina is confident. Not for long, however.
Jason & Lorena are team number one at the pit stop, and each win a three-wheeled, all-terrain sport bike. Speaking of bikes, Marianna & Julia find both of theirs. Kate & Pat are still looking when Ron & Christina arrive.
Nate & Hate-ifer, you are team number 2. They share the mat with the third team to arrive, Shana & Jennifer. I admit that Shana impressed the hell out off me, first with the furniture hoisting and then being covered in mud.
Ron & Christina find one of their bikes, and he continues to harass his daughter. She says she wants to stay positive. When he finds out they had been looking at the same row of bikes, he gets angry again. Kate & Pat find a bike, and Pat lets her "bad" out and laughs at his frustration. Not to his face; she's not stupid. Ron starts repeating "Optimism!" in a mean and sarcastic way, and Ron finds their second bike. He then berates Christina MORE before they start to ride. "I'm optimistic with the real truth flavor." I'm not sure if I dislike him or Hate-ifer more. It's a close call. Christina tells him that she won't lead him until he stops shouting. He's like a child. A belligerent spoiled child. Awful.
In Ransdorp, it's Fierljeppen time. Henekea is her family's acrobat, and Kynt, who claims to be "prissy," decides to try. Rachel, like Jason before her, completes the vault on her first attempt. Donald sees her succeed and says that he can do that. Famous last words!
Kate & Pat find their second bike.
Ron & Christina meet Marianna & Julia at the bus stop, which gives Ron more time to ridicule his daughter. It's extremely uncomfortable to watch and way too harsh for the circumstances. No need to go into detail — have you seen how long this recap is already? — but suffice it to say Christina tells her father that "it's like punch after punch after punch." He hugs her, and she says for the Race, he'll have to change his bad habits overnight. The bus arrives, and Pat & Kate just miss it. NO! I want well-adjusted, loving people still in the chase! They can't all be dysfunctional! Who am I supposed to cheer for now? Pat said she and Kate agreed there would "be no finger-pointing" and they would make decisions together. Wah!
Kynt crosses the bog as TK & Rachel pick a bakfiets. Henekea vaults the marsh as well. Donald decides to strip down to his underwear (because his clothes are too heavy from mud gathered in failed attempts?) and tries again. And fails. And fails again. And again.
TK & Rachel miss the drop-off point, and the editors nearly make up for their previous mistakes as we see Phil and the greeters watching them in the background as TK & Rachel ride on, obliviously looking in the opposite direction. Heh.
Kynt & Vyxsin arrive to the Pit Stop fourth. Azaria & Henekea and TK & Rachel share the mat as teams five and six.
Donald finally crosses the marsh, and Nicholas says it "show[s] that frustration and anger pays off in the end." Ha!
Marianna or Julia (sorry, I still can't tell them apart! maybe next week) did pole vaulting in track & field. She succeeds on her first try. Ron tries to "help" Christina with her technique, but she needs his advice like a hole in the head. It is as constant as his previous tirades, including talking to her as she's in the middle of an attempt, and I've wasted enough time typing about him. The production team chose some quirky music for the background, like "ha ha, isn't he funny, being a complete jackhole?" Ugh. At one point, you can tell Christina actually considers skewering him with the pole. And of course he laughs, "I think I could have done it better!" after she make it across. He is hateful.
Donald & Nicholas miss the drop-off point, so the sisters reach Phil in seventh place. Gramps and The Boy (hee) are team number eight. Phil intones, "There've been complaints from the locals you got down to your underpants." Donald jokes, "I went further than that." Not true. One hopes.
As Christina asks if Ron is okay balancing the bakfiets, he snots, "You need to lose some weight." The bakfiets immediately tips over, spilling her on the ground as he trips over a tire. "I shoulda not made that kind of comment," he says. You think? At the mat, they are team number nine. Ron admits he is crass with his daughter, and she says you should treat your family like gold. Christina puts a bright spin on their differences, but I don't know if she's being optimistic or delusional. And that makes me sound too much like her dad, so I'll shut up now.
Kate takes the Roadblock as Pat voiceovers about how much fun they can still have together. They are the last to arrive and are eliminated. Sniff. Pat says they balance each other well, and wishes they could have stayed in it longer. I will miss them. Boo!
Next week: More tension with Ron & Christina, and Lorena breaks down.
LEG 2: Connemara, Ireland, to Amsterdam, the Netherlands (via Dublin), to Ransdorp, the Netherlands, to Durgerdam Yacht Club, Durgerdam, the Netherlands
PIT STOP: Durgerdam Yacht Club, the Netherlands
DETOUR: Hoist It or Hunt It
Hoist It (haul five pieces of furniture several stories using only rope and pulleys):
Jason & Lorena
Kynt & Vyxsin
Nate & Jennifer
Shana & Jennfier
TK & Rachel
Hunt It (find two color-coded bicycles among thousands of bikes):
Azaria & Henekea
Donald & Nicholas
Marianna & Julia
Ron & Christina
Kate & Pat
ROADBLOCK: Ditch vaulting - Fierljeppen ("Which of you is the acrobat?")
1st: Jason
2nd: Shana
3rd: Jennifer (Nate's partner)
4th: Rachel
5th: Kynt
6th: Henekea
7th: Donald
8th: Marianna
9th: Christina
10th: Kate
LEADERBOARD
Team Number 1: Jason & Lorena [previously finished 4th]
PRIZE: two three-wheeled, all-terrain sport bikes
Team Number 2: Nate & Jennifer [previously finished 10th]
Team Number 3: Shana & Jennifer [previously finished 6th]
Team Number 4: Kynt & Vyxsin [previously finished 2nd]
Team Number 5: Azaria & Henekea [previously finished 1st]
Team Number 6: TK & Rachel [previously finished 3rd]
Team Number 7: Marianna & Julia [previously finished 9th]
Team Number 8: Donald & Nicholas [previously finished 5th]
Team Number 9: Ron & Christina [previously finished 8th]
ELIMINATED: Kate & Pat [previously finished 7th]
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