Las Vegas

The Las Vegas auditions, the final auditions (thank god) for "The Next Best Thing" are at Rain nightclub in the Palms Casino & Hotel. More Dolly, More Austin Powers, and more Frank. Men dressed as women and a small Asian girl does the best Edward Scissorhands I've ever seen done by an adolescent. Also, did Lisa Ann get a bob job and new lips for this round? She looks very "Vegas-ey". Meanwhile, Elon and Jeffrey are less boob-tastic though no less annoying than in previous episodes. I'm just grateful that the auditions are finally over.

• Jay Leno: He's fantastic, from the black patch in his hair to the corny jokes, but Elon's concerned he can't do both the high- and low-pitched voices. He moves on.
• Garth Brooks: Looks perfect, but he can't play the guitar or sing.
• appearance is there, but he can't play the guitar and he can't sing
• Even though Barbra Streisand sounded awful, the judges thought she was awesome. I think they were just distracted by her absurdly long nails, but whatever. She moves on.
• Billy Idol looks more like Mickey Rourke. Jeffrey's take? "You'll be dancing with yourself tonight."
• A fantastic Frank Sinatra, which is a relief after the truly horrible Franks we saw in New York. He's in.
• Dolly Parton has a Kenny Rogers puppet, with whom she sings "The Gambler". I'm still in shock.
• Pee Wee Herman came all the way from Michigan, only to tank as Pee Wee but get positive feedback on his Al Pacino and Jerry Seinfeld impressions.
• his pacino and seinfeld are better
• Dueling Sammy Davis Jr. impressions, though from two men dressed as Elvis Presley and Johnny Mathis, respectively. Also, a John Wayne doing Katharine Hepburn which... what?
• A parade of Elvises follows: of the eight, 5 are dressed as fat Vegas-era Elvis, two are '68 comeback elvis in black leather, and one is early sorta "Blue Suede Shoes" Elvis. Of the eight, only one can actually sing, dance, and is hot so it's early Elvis with the bid for the next round.
• Howard Cosell: He performed for 8 minutes and 20 seconds and for what? No semi-finals for him.
• Tina Turner(s): Three Proud Marys and one "Proud Larry". Of the four, one of the biological ladies moves on to the next round (sorry, Larry).
• Liberace: A natural for Vegas, and even pulls off the impression without a piano. Until he decides to rap. Having seen this with the two Dollys in New York, I wonder -- why are these lame old folks trying to rap when they're definitely not impersonating hip-hop performers? I guess desperation will make you do crazy things.
• Sammy Davis Jr.: Elon thinks he's more like a "Sammy Davis Urkel", even in a tuxedo.
• Patsy Montana: Who the fuck is Patsy Montana?
• Edward Scissorhands: I think this was a small Asian girl. I'm pretty sure it was, which is kinda cool. The impression is alright, but it's not enough and so her strange trip comes to an end.
• Rocky: Also raps. Did he learn nothing from Liberace?
• Fran Drescher -- annoying, though annoying enough to move on to the semi-finals? Sadly, no.
• Marilyn Monroe and Shania Twain -- one great performer, two great impersonations. The judges love both, but tell her she needs to pick one. She picks Shania, and now we have our semi-finalists.

See you in Hollywood!