America's Got Talent Hits Los Angeles!

More preliminary action! This week, we're in Los Angeles the freak - umm, entertainment capital of the world! "Sexbomb" Hoff holds up the show bonding with his people. First up is cowpoke Johnny Lonestar, a trick roper. Piers warmed up his "X" finger already. I liked the energetic little buckaroo. Piers wanted him to shoot things, Sharon and Hoff approved. He's saddlin' up for Vegas. Singer/songwriter Cinda Ramseur is about to give up on her dream after 25 years. She belts out an impressive "One Night Only" (the J-Hud version) from "Dreamgirls". The judges love the plucky mother of 2, and her dream will live another day.

Only 15 minutes in and it's "Freak Time". First up is Laticia Widman, who sings with ther mouth closed (c'mon, you did this when you were a kid too...right?) She got the big "X" from Piers, who called her act "the most ridiculous thing" he's ever seen - and Sharon and Hoff have little more love for the tight-lipped woman. We're then treated to a montage of oddities - "Pops" who does a lame impersonation of a trumpet, a guy who hand farts to "Pick Up the Pieces" (the official funk instrumental of AGT), a man impersonating Sonny and Cher in one, and a shackled guy attempting an escape from a washing machine before the deadly spin cycle.  Spin cycle guy escaped his shackles, but none of this lot is moving on.

Time for the animal acts! A cat act, The Popovich Comedy Pet Theater is up first. As much as it's nice to see cats doing something other than ignoring people and licking their privates, this act was pretty blah. The cats are all rescue cats (which is nice) and the judges actually thought they were good, so they're moving on. 11-year-old "Li'l C" is next. He's a rapper/dancer - crappy rapper, great dancer. The judges agreed, and he'll debut his rap-less act in Vegas. 

Next up is a long haired beauty whose friend said she was an "All-around performer", just like Celine Dion. She hits the stage and...he sucks! Yep, it's "Tranny Time". Olive Oyl look-a-like Normandy Manchester dances to "Mickey" - and gets buzzed. Jerry stuck up for him/her, saying "These are my people". Tammie Brown could satrt a spinoff called "I Love Tranny Lucy." I'm still not really sure what Tammie was about. He was buzzed, but got an invite from Jerry to appear on his other show. Grannie Pearl (gub'ment name Darnell), a Tyler Perry wannabe, is following in the footsteps of last season's Rappin' Granny and answers the question, "What happens when you can't get on "Last Comic Standing"? Grannie performs a (mercifully) brief set. Piers calls him "completely ridiculous" but admitted he enjoyed it - he also said Grannie had no chance of winning and says no. Sharon and Hoff give him another chance and he's off to the semis.  

There hasn't been much magic so far, but Eli Kerr and his sister Katie are here to change all that. They are polished and pretty darned impressive. Hoff liked the ladies (of course). Eli's "Heavy metal magic" won the judges over. Next is Galadin, a shirtless Sheik. He tells us he came to earth to become an entertainer. Oh-kay. He did some odd dance (he called it belly dancing, but his pecs seemed to be doing all of the work.) Sharon looked enthralled. Piers and Hoff were less then thrilled and buzzed him. Sharon said he was as "camp as Christmas". Jerry then came out shirtless. We really didn't need to see that. At all. Galadin's really trying to sell himself to Piers, the deciding voter. He raps in broken English and beatboxes - all ensuring we'll never see him again. Thanks, Piers!

Johnny Come Lately, a rockabilly band made up a quartet of 15-year-olds, tear through a rousing rendition of Elvis' "Hound Dog." They're my favorites so far. Seems like they're the judge and audience favorites too. "Valley Girl Rapper" Tika Rainn and her girls are next. Yikes. How 1985. They are like, so gag me with a spoon. And gnarly. Yikes. She gets buzzed pretty quickly and flashes the audience as a parting gift. Hoff almost gave her a second chance on that alone. Too bad!

Electric fiddlers Jason and Nolan (also twins) admit their hobby made them social outcasts. They maybe should have tried to get out a little bit. The audience was showing no love, and neither did the judges. They didn't make it through one verse of "Danny Boy" before getting buzzed. They didn't even get to sing, so they were given a chance to impress with their vocal prowess. When, I'm not sure. It took a while to get out of the painful instrumental portion and one of the boys got the (solitary) word "But" - and got buzzed again. Piers called them a "couple of geeks making an appaling noise". More odd contestants followed, including a bad, bottle-dropping bartender, a horrid impressionist, a very limber gymnast (who Hoff liked quite a bit), a really bad aspiring Sinatra. Jerry says the judges are ruthless and are in a harsh mood. Disco queen Diana, 75 years young is next. She wears mini skirts and bling bling. What's she going to do? She'd "like to call it singing and dancing", and launches into the disco classic "Last Dance". Diana would be fun at family gatherings. Hoff likes her "tenacity and fire" and gives her a li'l love. Sharon liked her too. Piers thought she reminded him of his granny after one too many sherrys at Christmas, but surprisingly, sends her through to Vegas.        

Stand-up Cocoa Brown (and "Last Comic" starts tomorrow - why is she here?) is next. Somewhere, Mo'Nique is looking for her act. The audience loved her. Piers had a hard time understanding what she was saying, but was amused anyway. Sharon and Hoff thought she was fab as well. Cocoa goes through. Ok, no more comics! Crazy pogo boy Fred is next. He wants to change the image of pogo boys everywhere (what image?) He did a cool routing to Ok Go. David and Piers buzzed him. The crowd turned on Hoff when he told Fred that he wasn't right for the show. Sharon and Piers also shattered his pogo dreams.

Liang, a Chinese acrobat (from Orlando), is ready to impress America. She balances plates on sticks to the tune of "Classical Gas". Piers buzzes her (in an attempt to scare her) but Liang keeps going and delivers a flawless performance. Piers' antics made Liang cry - he really scared her. Hoff comes to the stage to give our girl a hug. She, of course, moves on. Young Latin singer/songwriter Manuel Romero is next. He's a cute kid - the ladies in the crowd agree. He sings a nice a capella rendition of "My Cherie Amour". He had a guitar backstage - he should've brought that out too. But, he didn't need it - he gets love from the ladies and Hoff (who says he's got "char-asma"!) Sharon gives some advice with her "yes" and Piers makes it official. We'll see more of Manuel in Vegas.

Singer Hanne Frederick from Denmark feels she emulates Aretha Franklin. No she doesn't. She screeched through a painful rendition of "Summertime" Piers called it one of the most painful noises he's ever heard. Ivan, a self proclaimed "Urban Action Figure" is a gymanst/dancer/busy boy. His act had him jumping off platforms and over a bench with a little breakdancing thrown in for good measure. All in 90 seconds. Hoff liked him. Piers thinks his act is more of a sport and passes. Sharon is the deciding factor and takes the audience's advice to invite him to Vegas.

Another 2 hours of my life is gone, but not without spending a moment with aspiring singer and elementary school music teacher Michael Strelo-Smith. Singing is like breathing to him. He's shy until he gets on stage. He's been afraid to sing since his grammy passed away 3 years ago. He has a serviceable musical theater-type voice (and he does have to sing a capella), but Sharon and Piers buzzed him. He pauses, waiting for Hoff, and when he's allowed to finish, ups his game and wins over the crowd. He also manages to get "yes" votes from Hoff and Sharon (who caved after Michael's begging and ass-kissing). Grammy would be proud. Next Tuesday, AGT blows into the Windy City - see you then!