New York

Michele voiceovers that this week's auditions are all about "the good, the bad, and the awful" that New York has to offer.

Oh great.

• Howard Stern: Sounds and looks like him. When he takes off his sunglasses, even Elon is blown away. The blue eyes are contacts, though, but no matter: he's moving on.
• Cher: Much like other Chers we will see later on, she's wearing the bodystocking from the video for "Turn Back Time". Also, she might be a bit drunk. Which I think would help if she were impersonating, say, W.C. Fields, but I don't think she could pull that off.
• Tina Turner: Claims she has a degree in music, but she can't sing or dance.
• Paris Hilton: As portrayed by Natalie Reed, she has no talent or stage presence, so of course she moves on.
• Cher: 70's era Bob Mackie-wearing Cher, warbling "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves". As the judges needs a Cher-to-English dictionary to understand what she is singing, she does not move on.
• Rocky Balboa: He looks awful and old, which makes me wonder if it's actually true that he is the official Rocky impersonator for the city of Philadelphia. According to his web site, it is.
• Rudy Giuliani: Not even a crooked blond wig can save his performance. Good luck with the election, though!
• Gloria Estefan: I thought she was boring, which to me is a worse sin than being bad. Also, she was totally unprepared, but the judges give her a second chance anyway. Boo!
• Elvis Presley: '68 comeback era, if you know the look -- black leather jacket and pants, but he destroys "Heartbreak Hotel" and gets defensive when Elon criticizes the performance.
• Dolly Parton: No boobs.
• Austin Powers: Cute but nothing really exciting, though I thought his pants split open when he dropped to the floor for a split. Who does he think he is, James Brown?
• Kenny Chesney: I don't know what the real thing looks or sounds like, so I guess we'll have to trust the judges who send him to the semis.
• Madonna: She's been doing madonna for 20 years! She even blinks like Madonna, so she's in. But seriously: who knew being a Madonna impersonator for 20 years could be a living?
• three Britneys: All three do "Oops... I Did It Again!" but only one is a man? Can you guess which one?
• Roseanne: Everything, from the fat jokes to the uniform she wore as a waitress at Rodbell's (yes, I'm a total Roseanne nerd) to the awful national anthem, is funny and pitch-perfect. She's in.
• Rod Stewart: Sounds like rod but looks like something between Keith Richards and Bea Arthur.
• Reba McEntire: How about "Reba McEn-TIRED"?
• Barry Manilow: I know you know what I'm going to say. So say it with me: "Barry Mani-NO!"
• Rodney Dangerfield: It's perfect, though Irv (an electrician from Chicagoland) needs to age it up with some gray in his hair and a ratty bathrobe. He moves on to the semis with the last spot for the New York group.