rewind, recap, regurgitate: goodbye, summer

Like France, I took the month of August off. I probably should have something earlier, so you might have a chance to watch the shows mentioned below for yourselves. Or at least write the editor of this charming site and have him yell at me to:

1. Watch the shows I was assigned/volunteered to cover.
2. Write recap.

Simple, no?

And yet here we are -- the fall season begins today (well, not really -- I was thinking of recapping Nip/Fuck and Happy Hour but they're already two weeks in! Damn you, Fox and fx!) and you still don't know whether or not Lauren and Jason from The Hills stayed together!

Not if I have anything to do with it.

The Hills: Lauren has the opportunity to travel to Paris for fashion week. Or, she can rent a fancy house in Malibu for the summer with Jason. Guess which she picks? Lauren's loss is Whitney's gain, as she chooses Jason over Paris, and Whitney gets her spot on the France trip. Given recent events, does it need to be said that she did not quite choose as wisely as she could have? Oh well.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat: The last three teams contending for the $250k prize are: Wes and Casey, Tina and Kenny, and Darrell and Aviv. The final challenge is a ten mile race down the beach, with obstacles and puzzles to speed up or slow down progress. Darrell and Aviv emerge victorious on the strength of their combined speed, strength, stamina, and puzzle-solving skills. I'm also not completely unconvinced that their victory might have been aided and abetted by their hotness.

Just kidding.

It is, what appears to be, an easy win. Wes and Casey are, predictably, pissed off. What I enjoyed about the episode were the flashback clips to these teams, and the others, over the course of the show, as they suffered and humiliated themselves in the attempt. Good show, guys.

The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency: I'd forgotten how adorable Janice Dickinson's son is. Not that has anything to do with the agency, but it's worth mentioning.

Peter and Janice decide to drop those models that haven't been making the struggling agency money. But before they do, they call the models in to walk. Janice threatens Stina and Nyabel while they walk, venting her frustration and eventually ceding control to Peter, who makes the point that keeping that many models is expensive, so they have to make cuts. Stina cries, runs outside, feels better. Janice lays down the rules: she will get each model in front of the camera again, and she will decide who stays and who goes. If she can see that they've progressed and improved since the first time she photographed them, she will keep them on. A few days later, after the photo shoots, Peter and Janice make their cuts while the models are getting made up for what they've been told is an agency event. That night, the models meet Janice (looking like a pimp in a purple satin coat and hat), Peter, and Kodi in a parking lot to find out who are the new faces (who will need additional development before they can be full-time models) and management (promoted for jobs to all world-wide clients). The eight new faces hug and leave, while the remaining models are surprised with the billboard. They jump and squeal as their pictures -- Fargo looking like an elegant Christina Aguilera, Pierce looking like the cover of SI, Tony just looking plain hot -- flash through the billboard. The new faces are, predictably, pissed. After all is said and done, Janice is confident and proud to say that her agency is longer a start-up, and that she (and the agency) have arrived.