The Hot Mess: Razzie-Dazzle 'Em

I know that the tens of you who read this are relieved that the HMI is back after such a long absence. Bouts of laziness prevented me from pulling out ye old calculus to compute the HMI numbers on a daily basis, but come on, people: it's not like you don't have other sources to read about celebrity foolishness. Of course, I understand the mission is to get you people to read me, so I promise I will try harder.

While folks were getting in their knickers in knots about who did get nominated for an Oscar (Keira Knightley for Pride & Prejudice? Really?) or did not (Lynn Cohen for her stellar, if brief, turn as Golda Meir in Munich), I was jumping all over the Razzies. Not only 'cos there are less categories (good for my short attention span), but they tend to be way more fun. Jessica Simpson & her "Daisy Dukes" for Worst Screen Couple? Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I'm surprised to see a dearth of persons in the HMI among the candidates. Thankfully, there is but one nomination that's HMI-tastic -- Tara Reid nominated for Worst Actress. Thank you, Tara -- you and your fantastically enhanced bosoms never fail to disappoint me.

HMI value is currently at $402.97, an uptick from the last reported price of $346.93 on 1/23/06. A big spike, I know, but not surprising given Lindsay Lohan getting into trouble with fine china white at Bryan Adams's London domicile, Bai Ling embarassing Asians (and women, and pretty much everybody with a sense of dignity) everywhere with her bad fashion and uneven behavior at Sundance, and Kevin Federline trying (though failing, it would seem) to get his baby's ears pierced. See, now, Filipino people pierce their infant's ears all the time, so what's the problem?