I am a SAG-hag

I don't have any cohesive thoughts on last night's Screen Actors Guild Awards (I'd rather preserve my recapping powers for the upcoming Independent Spirit Awards and, duh, the Oscars), but a few notes:

I ain't sayin' he a golddigger: S. Epatha Merkerson pulled a hat trick at last night's show, scoring a third award for her performance in HBO's Lackawanna Blues (she picked up the Golden Globe and the Emmy for the same part). In her acceptance speech, she thanked the usual suspects -- agents, managers, cast, crew, etc. -- but saved a special shoutout for her divorce lawyer. Bwa hahahahahaha! I don' t know who her ex was, but who's sorry now?

Gay what?: Heath Ledger acting "fey" when introducing the Brokeback Mountain clip. What was he trying to pull? I understand wanting to inject some levity into the very important dialogues that people want to be starting about this movie, but Heath? I thought you were smarter than that, and anyway, we get it: you're straight, with the fiancée, the baby, and the lovely Brooklyn brownstone to prove it. The LA Times' Elizabeth Snead recaps the awkwardness here. And Heath, the next time you want to try your hand at some gay old humor, please dial up Sean Hayes, as his BBM remarks did not go over like a lead cock ring balloon.

Parade of dead celebrities: I'm telling y'all now, if I die with the kind of infamy that guarantees me a spot in an awards show memorial clip-fest, please contact the organizing body and make sure they use a clip of me looking HOTT.

Tappa-tappa tappa: Shirley Temple Black's still adorable, though my friends and I noticed that her dimples have sunken to somewhere near her chin. Eek. I was duly impressed by the clip of FDR commenting that, as long as America had Shirley Temple, America would be alright. Of course, I had to be all mean about it: "And you know when he says 'Shirley Temple', he actually means 'gin.'"

Little. Yellow. Different.: Sandra Oh gave the love to her Asian peers in a gracious acceptance speech: "I share this with you... be encouraged and keep shining." Mwa ha ha ha ha ha -- the Asian takeover of Hollywood has begun.

Crash and burn: So Crash took the top honor for best ensemble acting in a feature film, possibly foreshadowing a Brokeback Mountain shutout come Oscar time. If that's the case, then I invite Jake Gyllenhaal to take solace in my ample bosom.